Crack Hell!

[Kate]

I have just ended a year long relationship with a 15 year crack addict. He is the sweetest, smartest, most handsome man I have ever met. He is so gifted in so many ways. But he loves using more than anything in the world. I have spent 2 years of my salary on him, trying to get him clean. Two mental hospitals, four rehabs and six arrests later he is up to about a 3-4 hundred dollar a day habit. I know it has to come from within him and there is nothing else I can do. I would stay with him, if he would just stop the constant lying and cheating. Lies about everything and cheating with crack-whores and junkies.
What is it about Crack that would make someone want it more than your basic animal instincts of food, clothing & shelter. I have been tempted to try it just so I know the feeling. Any advice?

[FROM JO TO KIM]

FIRST OFF...CONGRATS ON DOING THE RIGHT THING.I KNOW IT MUST HURT LIKE HELL. AND I AM SORRY FOR YOU.
BUT UNDERSTAND THIS...FOR SOME REASON HE IS TRYING KILLHIMSELF. BECAUSE THAT IS THE ULTIMATE END HERE.
YOU MUST NOW WALK AWAY. I DONT HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE WITH CRACK BUT I DO HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH PUTTING ACLOHOL BEFORE MY FAMILY AND TRYING TO SLOWLY DO AWAY WITH MYSELF.
GOING TO AN ALINON ( SPELT WRONG IM SURE) MEETING MAY HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHY YOU SPENT SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY ON HIM AND HELP YOU STAY AWAY ....
PLEASE DONT TRY THAT DAMN DRUG JUST TO "SEE"..SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE SMARTER THEN THAT..
GOOD LUCK TO  YOU AND IT MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT, BUT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING..

[tom to Kate]

crack is simply a cheap, smokable form of cocaine. Don't go near it for any reason. Cocaine is profoundly evil. Every time someone uses it, it literally alters the way their brain functions, creating a craving, creating a need for itself. No one can use it with impunity. Even if the user has a horrible experience using the drug, he craves it just the same. It is a horror. It destroys people's lives. Cocaine should be kept on the shelf next to the rat poison and insecticide. Even if your friend stops using it, he will never fully recover. He will never be able to experience pleasure in normal ways. 15 years ... I'm not a doctor and I'm not god, but I'm afraid to say that your friend may be quite literally doomed. You should be about as anxious to try cocaine as you are to get a fatal dose of radiation. Go to alanon as Jo said, AND SAVE YOURSELF. I can't stress this enough. Get as far away from the cocaine world as you can. Find someone with a future. You've already seen your friend's. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. Cocaine is death.
Take care, Kate.

[ronnieg]

Cocaine is a bad bad drug to become involved with, especially crack.
However, part of what Tom said is simply not true.
Not everyone who tries it once will develop a craving for the drug the rest of their lives.
Cocaine is not the hardest drug to detox from and return to a productive life. It isn't a picnic by any means, but it is easier than opiates to recover from.
The bottom line his this man will use you and bring you down with him. He is heading for a miserable death as Tom says.
There is no way out if he doesn't want help.
You would be doing the right thing in moving on and keeping your self-esteem.
It is not easy to write about topics such as this. You are to be commended in opening up and seeking some help of your own.

Always,

Ronnieg

[tom to Ronnieg]

I didn't mean to imply that one dose means life-long craving. But cocaine does affect the brain in a way that does create a physiological, not just psychological, need for the drug. It is well documented that long-term use does affect the pleasure-reward system in the brain. I can't cite specifics, but I know others can. Why split hairs when we're talking about poison?

[To sick and scared from Neena]

Kate, what a champion you are...for moving on and also for giving all that you could humanly possibly do for your boyfriend.  Don't do crack.  I have a friend who claims, also, that if you do it one time, you are hooked.  She became a slave to the drug and six months later, she ended up in a hospital and is now clean.  She has told me over and over, not to try it.  She claims after the first try, you are hooked.  Kate, later down the road, I did try it...I did not like it and haven't done it since.  I have no urge to do cocaine or crack.  Kate don't try it...not because you might get hooked for life...but just because you don't need it.  You are a strong lady.  You have seen the damage that it can do.  Don't give in to your curiosity.  ***@****

[Brian to Kate]

Cocaine, and especially crack, has profound physiological effects on the brain.  In studies with monkeys, when given a choice of pressing a lever for food or a lever for cocaine, the monkeys chose cocaine continuously until they were starving.  Please take the advice others have given you and save yourself.

[Ronnieg to Tom]

Tom,
I agree with you about splitting hairs. Cocaine is a terrible drug to become involved with. I wasn't looking to start an argument over what I said.

Peace,

Ronnieg

[tom to Ronnieg]

peace back at you ...

[Angie to Ken]

I have to share what I learned in my o.p. rehab. It seems that cocaine affects the part of you brain that controls pleasure. Every time you use cocaine you tap into that area and it becomes unable to derive pleasure on its own. Once you stop using the drug it can take over two years for that area to return to being productive on it's own. This means you literally feel BLAH all the time. Everything becomes ho-hum and depressing. The longer you use the worse the scenario. Sorry for the layman's terminology. I remember the film we saw on this and although I have never had the desire to try cocaine, I still found this info. to be quite frightening. That is one hell of a punishment that our owm body sentences us too.

[tom to Angie]

in other words, brain damage.

[steve to diane]

Hi: Sorry to hear about your situation. Don't try crack, that's not a good idea.  Maybe someday this guy will get clean and stay clean, anything is possible.  I did it, and have not touch crack in a long time.  I don't know why I finally stopped, got sick of being sick I guess. I go to AA and Na meetings alot and changed my job and people I associate with. Also had to stay off anything that alters my mind, meaning Alcohol too.  It's easy to kick physically , but the mental part is tough.  Noone can get someone clean unless they WANT to get clean. You can lead a horse to water, but you CANT make him drink.

[Kate]

Thanks to all who replied, it means alot. I can't talk about it to anyone I know so being able to share anonymously (sp?) helps.
Yeah, It does hurt like hell, I am so lost. Went to a couple Al-Anon meetings wasn't able to say anything just sat there and cried when it came to my turn. I did learn alot, but it's real hard applying it. I know I should use the tough love approach, but when he calls and is crying and begging for help, (Not help to get clean, help for money) it's just so hard to walk away. This past year has been such a roller coaster. He has lost his family, they will have nothing to do with him. He did them so wrong I can't blame them. He can't hold a job, lost his car. So he has turned to crime to support his habit. I will not aide and abet him. The girl he is messing with now just encourages this, and I just have to give up. I still believe in him, but I have to give up on us. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Ken to Kate]

I was once a crack addict too. I know what I put my loved ones through, and it cost me everything. I lost my wife ,my home,my freinds and even my brothers life, all due to my use.But it took that much to get me to realize that I had to stop! I know have a new life without crack cocaine.But all is not well in my new life,I eventually substituted opiates for coke.Now I am struggling to stay clean.So its not an easy life being an addict.The only thing that keeps me going is hope.Hope that one day I will have a normal drug free life. Good luck , KEN

[April Sherman]

Please, Please Please dont try it.  Crack is very addicting and you will get caught up.  You boyfriend is in his own hell and I have been there.  Yes, nothing matters but the drug and once you try it ususally, there is no going back.    Please, do yourself a favor and stay away because it will suck you up worse than a tornado on its worst day.

[tom to the thread]

When I try to recall the state of mind I was in while using coke, I most remember fealing afraid, and yet craving it just the same. How can that be considered anything but a state of insanity? I think of that line from Cronenberg's The Fly, "Be afraid, be very afraid." He could have been talking about coke as far as I'm concerned. We would have been better off leaving cocaine undiscovered.

[To Trish from Kate]

Ex-boyfriend broke into my home stole checks and wrote over $4000.00 to himself. He already has 7 other charges against him now, 3 felony thefts, CDS posession, misdemeanor theft, violation of probation, concealed gun. If I press charges he could get 45 years, but he has a golden horseshoe you know where. He has had about 30 charges against him in the past 15 years and has done very little time. If he doesn't get in a rehab or do some time he is going to end up dead real soon. Do you all think I should press charges or just take the loss and try to move on ? (Ken please reply)

[Paul Huggins]

DON'T TRY CRACK!!!  A friend of mine, who is alomost clean but struggling, realized that he was addicted the third time he smoked.  The only problem is he didn't realize it for sevral years. You have done all that is in your power to help.  It is time to move on.  You don't have to stop loving him but you do have to stop putting yourself through living hell.  He may be smart, rich, funny, etc... but if he doesn't treat you right when he is on crack and he has on crack a lot then you have to take care of yourself.  It will be hard right now but God willing you have a lot of life ahead of you.

[Trish]

This story from Kate is painful. I was married to an alcoholic for eight years who could not stop himself. I separated from him, and he lost his home, his job, his family, his son, EVERYTHING. He ended up living in a drug house. And he died....he drowned in the pool of the house. He was drunk, drugged, alone, and at the edge of the pool. Someone found him hours after he had fallen in and passed out. Addiction will take your life. If you participate in someone else's madness, you may even lose your own life in the process. The only hope is to save yourself, and pray that he will find a way to get out, or to pray for a quick death to end the suffering. Don't feel bad about not giving him money because if he doesn't get it from you, he'll find it from someone else. Jail, charges, losing everything, means NOTHING when it comes to late-stage addiction. And this applies to any drug, coke, alcohol--you get to a point where your condition is irreversible and your only hope to get out of it is death. Believe me, I watched someone slowly kill himself over alcohol, and I enabled the addiction for eight years, thinking that I was sparing him from pain. STOP yourself, move on, and if you need to, get orders of protection, call the police, keep him away!!!! He is no longer the person you knew. Take care of yourself.

[To Trish from Kate]

I just read your post.It was quite disturbing and painful, but I think thats what I need. Ex called  at 3:00 this morning, not wanting money, just to tell me new girl dumped him and he was sorry for all the **** he has put me through. Wanted me to meet him, told him I'm not intrested until he gets in rehab, then maybe we can talk. He can not make it on his own and will probably end up dead. I had not spoke to him for 6 weeks and was feeling alot stronger, started taking Xanax again this morning again. Don't want to feel the pain. Had never had a problem with pills 'til we broke up, now I'm starting to worry about myself for once. He now has 4 new warrants out on him and is just getting himself in deeper. I told him I didn't trust him, didn't believe him and was scared of him even though he has never been violent towards me. Sometimes life just sucks.

[nine]

I sure can relate
although I did try it and did it with my boyfriend
He gets really weird
I'm sure I do to?
we spent up to 6-7 hundred in less then 24 hours. I thought I was going to die. I had smoked crack befor- I was always on opiats  so I guess  my rush wasn't as intence as his.  NOw It has been 5 months since i have used. He is still bingin'
He lies too. I don't want to ever leave him alone but I have a life and frankly as much as I love him and I love him with all my heart! I am starting to get bored. When He is assamed of his actions, he showeres me with kindness. And wee have fun for a couple of weeks. till he goes on a bender again. I would highly suggest that you never try it yourself. Sometimes I think I just want to,  to come down to his level or his secluded wavelenths. But that is such an unhappy place. You might just get plum tired of the deceit and want more in a relationship, then a cluck can offer. I am starting to think that I don't have the strenth to stay clean myself if I stay with him. If you are depressed now. DEtoxing off of crack is a thousand times worse!

[Stacey/ october 23, 2000]

I came across this sight looking for some help.  It helps a little to know that my situation is not the only one in this shape.  Only difference being is I am still living with My husband(the crack head) and we have two children who are involved.  So its not as easy to walk away.  And I am not sure how to do that any way.  I know this isn't good for any of us.  But he knows just what to say and it plays on my heart.  So I say bravo to you for leaving.  Just wish I could.

[To Trish from Kate]

Stacey,
It was not easy to walk away, hardest thing I ever did in my life. I still love him with all my heart, and can barely function. I cried over him for the first six weeks almost constantly. Then I got on an anti-depressant, which I never thought I would ever need. Please go to Al-Anon, you will learn so much. You need to take care of yourself and your kids first.
I will not give you advice on leaving him except follow your head
and gut feeling. Crackheads know how to play on your every emotions, and can tug on your heart. I know what you are going thru, it's amazing the lies they can come up with. And we want to believe them so badly. Please keep posting, you will become stronger the more you read others insights.
Take Care of Yourself.  Kate

[Adam]

Personally, I would press charges.  At least in jail he will get help. Even tough he will still be able to get it, at least he will be in a place that will be able to deal with it better then anyone can now.  Thats my two cents.

Adam

[Jenna / to Kate with the strength to car]

I am dating someone who is using crack cocaine and he denies that it is a problem in his and our lives. I have had about as much depression from all of our 11 months together that I can handle. We have a nine year old son together from the past which I know is tearing him apart inside as well even though he is not aware of the problem. We reconciled, and for the first 7 months I had no idea. All of the sudden, finances started getting out of hand along with his attitude. I just moved in with him and now I feel trapped and lost because I believed his promises and had trust in him. Now I know I've lost my trust over an incident last week and he's walked out on me and the kids because of my anger towards him over all of this. The sad part of it is this is his home. He is a great,funloving guy when he is clean,happy and lovable when he is high,but the most miserable person to be around on the 3 days after. I would like to know where you found the courage to face him with his problem and the strenghth to leave him and his problem behind. I'm so scared to do all of what you've done. I know how you feel and the pain you've been through because of his addiction.