Day 10 and scared

[Pat1956100]

I had to take lots of imodium today.  My stomach is very upset and my head is aching.  I want to curl up in a ball and try to sleep. I had those crazy phone calls yesterday from someone I don't want calling and now I have to face the 4pm appt today with the addiction counselor.
I am so scared now.  I feel sick.  I don't want to go but know I have to go.  Ugh, how did I get myself into this mess?
I just feel panicky and sick.  Hopefully the imodium kicks in and the headache goes away.  
5 more hours and I really don't know what to expect.  I hope it's not another let down.

[Pat1956100]

Thanks everyone
You have no idea how much all of your support helped me and gave me the strength to go to the meeting.
There were about 6 of us and 1 guy brought his wife (which pissed me off)  I was the only female other than her lol.
The counselor was female and all she had us do was fill out papers.
I guess it was to analyze our addiction.  Some people were there for drinking, others for both.  The questions were based on both.
There were questions about if family was forcing us to be there, our relationships with our family, friends etc.
They also asked of course about our drug use, what kinds of drugs we have used etc.
I have another appt and I am going to see the same couselor on Dec. 4th.
It was funny because I asked if she did the counseling and she said Yes. I said ":Pick Me" and she said it was random.  Then she gave me my appt. card with her name on it.

I just liked her and felt comfortable with her so I think that's a good thing.  I hope so.  She must have liked me to because she did "Pick Me".

What a waste worrying about it and now it's over and it was fine.  It was really hard to go in and say I was there to see the drug counselor and then we had to wait in an open area but once we got into the private room, it was fine.
Now I can just go in and ask for her by name and not have to worry about other people hearing lol.
So I do have to wait another week to see her but at least I did make that step and I am so glad I did.
Thanks for the push ImDone.  Oh and the walk to and from there was exhausting and freezing lol.

[ImDONENoMore]

Keep us posted, pat, and let us know how things went!!  Good for you for going to this appt.  This is a great step for you.

[wantfreedom495]

Hi Pat,

It can be really hard to do anything without drugs once you are used to doing everything with them! I know that you can do this. I am amazed at your posts telling us how you have been cleaning up and making meals. This is just one more thing that you have to "just do." I always find out that seeking help is a lot less scary then I had imagined. I hope you find that out too.

[conhall]

Hi Pat! i keep looking at the clock and looking to see you post I Hope the appt went well I think you are going to feel this big sigh of relief once you get there and get in.
I Hope the immodium helped settle your tummy and the long shower helped ease the anxiety!
I am actually excited for you because today going to this appt. is a positive step in the nright direction no matter what happens you are opening up doors for yourself. (((HUGS)))

[NowOrNever43]

Woohoo congrats on 10 days lady! Tomorrow you will be setting new records :) You will do just fine at the Therapy session, you have all of us here rooting for you! Keep me posted on how it goes! :) xoxo

[Bkitty]

Hi Pat! Im sending you big (((hugs))) and love and support today. I too was so afraid to go see the counselor. For me it was a HUGE step but when I went I felt so relieved! I realized I was scared because I was taking a step to make me better. I was so used to feeling like a piece of sh*t all the time,,used to being sick. I was scared because I had NO idea what laid ahead of me. Life. Life was ahead,,a real life free of pills and the bondage that they had over me. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, Pat. Congrats on 10days!! You made it! Youre doing it! There is a life out there that is pill free! I know its hard to believe. Im so proud of you.((hugs))~Bkitty