this is hard

[JACEM5]

  I posted this on the addiction community also I hope thats ok?I just wanted as many people as poss.to read. This is hard for me to talk about,but here it goes.I have degen.discs in 75% of my back,I started with oxy irs and now take ms contin 300 mgs a day  and 30 mgs percocet,my wife had or has a herniated disc and is taking percocet 10s she gets 120 per month,she takes more than she should and runs out every month and then begs me for some of mine.Every month I tell her this is the last time I can help her and every month she does it again,then lays in bed and moans and cries and I feel bad and give in.It's now getting to the point where I don't have enough for myself,everytime I tell her she can't keep doing this to me,she says well I don't get all those pain pills like you do what am I supposed to do,she actually gets mad that my back problem is worse than hers.Now I can't sleep and I'm having panic attacks because I'm not taking my full dose of meds.This happens every month and she knows I can't watch her suffer and she uses that against me.We have 3 children 10,6,and 2,and when she does run out it's REALLY hard taking care of them on my own,I don't know what to do.Then when I give her some and tell her make them last that's all I can give you,she'll still come to me and say can you just give me a few more,or she will just say I can't get out of bed I have nothing to take.I'm at a loss,she's making me hate her and we have been together 15 yrs.I'm almost ready to just suffer with the pain and get off them before they ruin our marriage.It's also hard when she runs out because the kids suffer,she snaps at them for the littlest thing,etc.I'm sorry I'm rambling,just needed to get it off my chest.Thanks for your time.

[tootough]

Thank goodness I'm supported by my boyfriend, but he is a problem solver and for him, this has gone on long enough...when I tell him I can barely wash my hair he says get over it.  two weeks ago, I told him where to go.  but now, I am SLOWLY getting to a point where I need the tough love to stop the self-pity.  Yeah, I hurt.  He has no idea about this pain.  But he stood by and enabled me for a while, until the end of our relationship was happening.  I got tougher, he got tougher, and we fought for us.  Knock on wood, it seems to be working.  He's understanding to a point, but I can't get away with the excuses.  I suffer more silently, but not here when I can talk to you all.  Some things are way better dealt with on the sidelines.  Take care of you.  The power of strength in example has been unparalelled in my experience.

[serenitysaves]

welcome to the forum, I've found this a great place to come and share feelings and emotions so you never have to say sorry for sharing what's on your mind.  We all have been there.

anyway, your wife sounds as she's pretty deep into an addiction.  Of course you know your really not helping her problem by giving in.  That being said, I can't imagine having my boyfriend, who's the father of both of our kids in pain and not tring to help.  This is different than just pain though.  She needs more help than you are able to give her.  I always say this but impatient is the best place for her to go and get back on track.  It's not fair to you, her, and the kids to enable her anymore.

Try talking to your insurance company or your local drug and alcohol center.  It should be in the blue pages.

Hold your ground the best you can, remember your not dealing with your wife anymore, you're dealing with an active drug addict and she will do whatever posible to get what she wants.  This does mean the kids and whatever eles it takes to break you.  so hang in there.  Try also allonon meatings for yourself and N/A for her.
take care, Robin

[wait2long]

boy, you are in quite the predicament, and your wife is acting like the normal addict, she is being selfish and not thinking of you or your pain, that is just plain wrong of her!!!  but i think (if at all possible) you should stop taking them yourself, maybe go to something nonnarcotic that she wont care to take from you...and then you also wont be enabeling her. she needs to get done for her family structure, but she wont do it until she sees the bottom of the barrel, and for some it might be when she runs out and actually has to suffer until her next refill. or tell her to get clean or else...personally i know how it is to watch a loved one suffer from WD's when i had a whole bottle full ...i couldnt do it either...it is a tough call...but that means you have to get tough with her , tell her you wont giv into her again...tell her ahead of time and stick to it...or take her pills from herand give her the alotted amount daily...i did that for a while also...then my husband treated me like i was his pharamcist and not his wife...these are all just suggestions, i have been where you are and it sucks...but she is the one who has to realize she has a severe problem that will only get worse with time, and worse with you giving into her.