Dutchess Golden please read this it is important to me that u do !!!!

[chrosty]

Hey sweetie,
I just got thru reading the what u posted about me. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me latley. In fact it brought me to tears. I remember when my hubby was in the hosp and i was w/d and i remember u being there for me when i need it the most. I thank u for everything dutchess i had no idea of all u have been thru . But i wanted to tell u that u are considered one of my best forum friends on here and that is the truth.

On another note im not sure if u read this or not but i fell off the wagon once again and now i am out once again i just got off work and i am scared to death to wake up in the morning because i have horrible anxiety first thing in the morning when i have no hydros. I am sick of this run around.
And another thing my hubby finally passed one of the seven kidney stones he has and it was hudge. He is peeing pure blood clots now and doc gave him a shot of demeral and said if he cont to be in pain he will give him oral demeral. He is also now on hydro 7.5/500 as well as other meds avodart cipro and others i cannot remmeber right now. But anyway he is going on fri to see a urologist so we will see what he has to say. But i have to tell you i got a little pissy when hubby got that shot of demeral because i am w/d so bad right now. But anyway just a quick update on my life . Luv u VERY MUCH DUTCHESS~~~Chros

[DutchessGolden]

Hi love, thank you for the post, I just wrote what I sense from you and what I see that you have to go through and your strength. The emotion thing is so new to me. Until I lost my daughter I had no idea those kind of emotions even existed. Up until that day I could count on one hand how many times I cried or even felt like it.And I was 15 years old the last time I said a profane word until that day, even my husband backed up in shock!

I was there in that cycle, so miserable, waiting on early refills and knowing what I had to go through until the doctor called it in. And oh that anxiety the night you have taken your last one, knowing what you will feel like in the morning. It's an awful. vicious cycle! And what your husband is going through right now, no one has the right to yell at you b/c you "fell off the wagon." what is most important is: What do you WANT right now? How do you feel about this situation? What do you feel that you NEED to do? for your family AND for you? You can't take care of your family if you don't take care of you. I will not judge you, I will support you and you have been there for me as well. I have not responded to all of your posts but I read them. I GET IT! I don't care what anyone says, when I lost my daughter I would never do anything different, taking my meds in very large doses might have saved my life and my sanity. I knew it couldn't go on like that and it didn't but at the time that's what it was and if I had to go back I wouldn't change that. A lot of people here would call that insane, I know, but I know myself and what I went through just like you know yourself and what you are going through. It was really helpful to have a husband and parents that weren't preaching at me that I needed to stop abusing my meds because they were able to understand who I was and know that I would have gotten so much worse. They knew I would come to in my own time just like I did. And you know yourself as well. Whatever you need to say, say it , whenever you need to vent, do it! If you need any help with abusing the meds. I am here and so many other people are also as we can both see.

It's great that your hubby is going to a urologist (finally!!) that's just what he needs. And him getting the shot of demerol-I know what you mean and how you feel. My husband got all kinds of pain meds for all of the surgeries on his knees and since he hardly ever taked any of them I would take those too when I was abusing my meds.

I just want you to know that you have helped me as well and that I am so very thankful for you.

BIG HUGSSSSS

xoxo- D.

[chrosty]

Hey you are the best really
I am going to unplug my computer now cuz we are having a hell of a severe thunder storm over here in nebraska but you do mean alot to me and i want u to know i sometimes may ask questions but most of all i enjoy your company i wll keep u posted on my hubby and i will keep u posted on my addiction, Oh boy it is hailing now i gotta go luv u lots dutchess take care and know im thinking of u and praying for u always luv u lots chros

[fishmeal]

All the big names are still here, Desert Girl, Chrosty, Dutchess G. and RCB3 are the ones that I remember so far... been 3 weeks,  so nice to see your printed selves.  I'm sure I'll remember more as the days go by..
x's and oh's
Jim

[DutchessGolden]

Oh yeah, Nebraska storms! Please do keep me updated and post just to chat. You truly are awesome Chros.! I am keeping you and hubby in prayers especially in this storm! ok? Goodnight sweetie- Talk to you soon.

Much Love- xoxo- D.