Day 5

[apike31108]

So today is day 5 and Friday.

I went turned the tv off a little after 11pm and I slept until about 5am and had to use the restroom and then went back to sleep and woke up when my alarm went off at 7am. Pretty good I guess. Except my chills and hot flashes. I was soaking wet when I woke up this morning. Yuck. I didn't have leg cramps. My fiance bought me Melatonion PM that melt in your mouth that the pharmacist recommended. It relaxed me a little bit.

I'm still cramping and spotting. Chills and sweating. Headaches too! (Don't know if it's from this lovely weather or what)

Mentally I feel like an absolute mess though. It's the weekend. I love my house but it's so hard to spend the entire weekend there. It was the house I grew up in and my moms house. She passed away Oct 4, 2011. The pills seemed to get me through this hard time. This is when the addiction really took over. It helped me get through.

I want to get away this weekend. We could go to my fiances dads house about 2.5 hours away. He doesn't have any pills so that would be safe. His grandparents are about 3 hours away and she probably has maybe 10 pills. If that or any. I could maybe get those. I keep telling myself NO NO NO. I cannot have another week like this :(

Mentally it's the hardest for me.

[apike31108]

Im wanting to take my daughter to Wonderworks tomorrow.

[minn66]

Pigeon Forge is great! It is pretty close to me but haven't been there in a couple years. A chalet in the mountains would be so fantastic right now! :)  Keep plugging away, apike. You are winning!

[bewitched_queen]

Dont come down the Chattanooga way in TN girl LOL its full of evil pills. Good luck & hope you start feeling better.

[apike31108]

Im rooting for you too! Physically WASNT near as hard as mentally.

[bewitched_queen]

Good luck this weekend. I am going thru the exact same things mentally. For me, the mental is what is breaking me. Physical I can handle. Mentally I wish I could kill or be killed. I'm only just starting day 2 so you are well ahead of me Apike. I will root for the good guy to win =)

[apike31108]

I talked my fiance into going down to TN. He said well we can go but he said that his grandmother didn't have any pills so it's not like I could get any anyways. We are going to still go. Try and take my mind off it? Still hopeful thinking she may have a few I can get my hands on? What is this? I do want to get away because my head/anxiety is too much. Thinking about going to Pigeon Forge or something tomorrow? It's only about an hour from where they live.

[laurel453]

dreaming about them is another common thing .... i guess that our brains release a lot of memories and stuff... i watched a lot of movies during the early hours, i remember feeling exhausted and being unable of sleeping and when i did it, it was a broken uneasy sleep... a nightmare but remember that all this bad stuff means that you are leaving behind a worse nightmare

[laurel453]

it is like a sort of  natural valium, non addictive.... hope it will help you.. for the restless legs at nights, hylands restful legs, lots of bananas and a  hot bath with epsom salts before going to bed

[apike31108]

I had dreams all night about pills :(

[apike31108]

I need to get some Valarian Root.

[apike31108]

Thank you. I'm going to try :(

[laurel453]

headaches are quite common after quitting opiates, try advil .... valerian root helped me with the anxiety better than melatonin which is a good sleep inducer and it works best in a dark room.... hey, you are doing great... don't overthink, just focus on the next hour and go for some walks during the weekend, you will feel much better after one .

[apike31108]

This weekend is going to be hard.

[bama88]

i agree..this weekend will be the big test. yep i agree.who do you roote for at the movies? the bad guy or the good guy? be the good guy and win

[charliej41]

That's great u made it to day 5 u should start to feel a little better avery day. Just takes time hang in there b carefull this weekend the mind likes to play tricks good luck

[apike31108]

Thank you all. I have such a headache from thinking. I have SO MUCH work to do but cannot do it from thinking so much. Gesh. This is miserable. Don't want to go through this EVER again.

[texaslady68]

Good morning APike.  You are doing great.  Sleeping that much is an accomplishment.  The first week or so with sleep were hell for me and I was even taking Ambien.  Getting out of the house is the way to go.  The sooner you quit thinking about those pills the better.  

I hope you have a blessed day!  The mental part will eventually get easier.

[bama88]

good job in getting clean. i had you on my mind. stop over thinking about pills. you sound like me. blue ones and yellow ones. white ones and purple. don't get me started on my pill song lol

i promise it will get better. just say no.or say yes to clean living.

it should get better after today. physically anyways. the mental part stays with you awile anyways...my opinion. keep on moving...the time will go faster now. time will resume at a normal pace. i know how long the day drags on in this stage. i won't forget it. ever.