Day 7 off if hydros

[Whenwillilearn]

Last night was the first night I slept 8 hours straight hours in over a week.  My mind is still working very hard on me, and my back is killing me!  I go back to work on Monday and am so scared of the pain I'll be in after a 12 hour, very physical demanding shift.  I can't wait to go to counseling on the 25th, hoping they can help me with this terrible depression.  Just still can't tell myself to cancell my back dr appt, cause I know I'll get more hydros, hoping I can follow the script this time and not get caught up in the good feeling and false energy!  God grant me serenity, Please!

[Pat1956100]

Well I totally understand.. The reason I started abusing my pain pills was because my husband passed away.  I ended up taking them for 5 years and I am really glad you are getting help so early in your grief.  You are doing the right thing by having your daughter dish them out to you.
I am so sorry for your loss and while I don't know how you feel, i sure can empathize.

[kyle505]

Sounds like what you're doing is right. My opinion.

[Whenwillilearn]

I'm very aware of how 1 feels good and 2 will feel better.  That's why my daughter said she will follow the script as directed and dish them out to me.  I've went through a lot in the last 1 1/2 years and had them completely under control until my husband passed away 7 months ago unexpected.  This is why I have made an appt for mental health to help me with my issues.  Not sure what is right or wrong anymore

[Pat1956100]

Oh we all wish we could go back to taking our pills normally but we can't because we are addicts.  As soon as that first pill goes down and takes effect then we lost our rationality about them.  1 feels good, 2 will feel better and then it goes up and up.  I'm lucky to be alive I popped so many pills.
Do you really want to go through withdrawals every month or so when you run out?  
You should really ask about physical therapy.  It worked wonders on my back.
Please let us know what you decide.  We really care.

[kyle505]

You're at a crossroads. Unless you've made changes, like arranging to have someone you can depend on hold your meds and give them to you, per the script, then why do you think things will be any different this time? If that's what you're thinking, or hoping, then your head is in control. You are on your way to relapse.
Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.