Death, Depression etc...............

[OxyDout]

I need help today, I found out yesterday that my uncle died, now thats not a huge issue however, once again it brings up bad memories of losing a good friend and this morning when I woke up I was miserable, I ached everywhere and I couldn't get out of bed. I was late for work and I have to go to a wake tonight, I can't handle this right now, I feel like I have become an intravert in the last 24 hours, I don't want anything to do with anyone, i just want to forget about everything including my life and just sleep. I don't know what I will do in the next two days, but I'm very upset and more scared then anything........

GWH

[Frenchee]

Hey J.B... thanks for the post. I know, life is a roller coaster and the funny thing is that I love them. I will try to look at it that way. The only thing is that I am looking for a way up and hopefully it will happen soon. I am not a new comer. I found this site when I tried to detox in Feb. I have been posting on a regular basis. It makes me feel good. How about you? what is your story?

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

It's good to hear from you!  Are you a first time poster?  To reiterate part of your post, I'd like to say that most of us are here because we "aren't all there".  But then again, maybe we are all there and they aren't all here. So what the Hell?

I was almost shocked and disbelieving when I read that my drug therapist was arrested for DUI and possession of controlled substances.  We are funny beings to say the least!  Dear heart, don't ever feel like you are unique and alone in this grand life of adventure.  You may hate the way things are going right now, but...stick around awhile and try to enjoy this crazy ride we are on. And as with the amusement parks, we pay for it all one way or another.  Up,down,up down,up down...yehaw!

J.B.

[Frenchee]

God, I was reading all these posts... You guys are really good. I beleive that me too went into pills when I lost my husband (I was 26 and I am now 30)... It was 4 days before my son's first b-day. I think I cried that day, I think about him every day but I still have not faced his death. Sounds Familiar? I have been taking pills for 4 years or so but things got worse about 2 1/2 years ago....  I was taking 10-12 vic es/day, soma (same amount) and was on the Duragesic Patch... God, I could still function and was doing great on all that.. Someone at work noticed that I was not "all there" and I had to face it... Not too mention that I took too much vic and almost OD... Had to be brought to the ER! That woke me up but the final draw was when I was caught doc hopping. Felony.... not a good thing. Then, I STOPPED. I was forced and I am sure that it was for the best. Went cold turkey on my own since no doc wanted to see me and my insurance was aware that I was a "seeker". Could not go anywhere. Me too, have legit pain. Mental and physical. I guess I wanted to hide ALL my emotions with these pills. 2 months clean, I am feeling more active but it is mentally hard because I have to face reality i.e. my husband's brutal death, being a single mother of a 4 year old and working 50 hours/week to support him... I am french and my family is overseas, my ex in laws are in another state (that might be a good thing) and I just feel really lonely. Dont take me wrong, I love this country and I belong here.  It just has been a tough road and I wish things would have been easier. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I guess, what I am trying to say is that we all try to cope with things differently... It is ok to go toward the wrong road but I beleive that we are all trying to fix our "direction" and we will make it through this web support. Does that sound Corny? I know that when I have a "down" time, I come here and read posts. They help me because I see that I am not the only one hurting and trying. Sorry if this has been a long post. Thanks for listening...  : ) Love you guys...

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I've been "in and out" myself these past several days.  Mostly out.  Anyways, I'm not sure what you were referring to about my manipulative mother.  That must be someone else's problem, but I can surely relate.  Mothers are and have to be, very manipulative, in order to raise us children properly.  Maybe you are in fact reading between my lines(lies)and are on to something worth exploring.  I think I'll call my mother tonight and just talk to her as a friend.  

You know, when one of my kids call me I'm thrilled.  My oldest(daughter)calls about every other day to keep me posted. I look forward to those calls and I hope they will never stop coming!

J.B.

[lanas]

Hey--just wanted to say I've been thinking a lot about you and you sound much better--are you off all the pills but the clonodine (sp?)?  Yes, feeling does come back and be prepared, some is really good and some is really not, but on the other hand, that's the way life SHOULD be.  Hang in there... and always remember that you are doing this not only for yourself but for your daughter as well.  And if you get really really low and have trouble thinking about yourself, don't ever let yourself forget about that little girl of yours.  Let me know how you're doing.

[Jack Frost]

I'll take your advice regarding Tom Russell. I should have more pocket money for cds as I have paid my last damn OLP. I took the rest of my hydos, gone, all gone like spineless lizards they are. I making my way out of the jungle now. I am not even thinking about the future, except for my kids. I am just going to see what it feels like to be human again.

jF