Death, Depression etc...............

[OxyDout]

I need help today, I found out yesterday that my uncle died, now thats not a huge issue however, once again it brings up bad memories of losing a good friend and this morning when I woke up I was miserable, I ached everywhere and I couldn't get out of bed. I was late for work and I have to go to a wake tonight, I can't handle this right now, I feel like I have become an intravert in the last 24 hours, I don't want anything to do with anyone, i just want to forget about everything including my life and just sleep. I don't know what I will do in the next two days, but I'm very upset and more scared then anything........

GWH

[rowanshyne]

Honey, I wrote a reply to you on a thread a little further down the line.  My nickname is "rowanshyne".
I went through some of what's happening to you with my first husband.
Hang on, you *can* have a real life with your baby and without drugs.  Honest you can.

Blessings,
Wren

[IrishRose]

Meagain, I am glad to see you are still here and posting. When you try to get clean, real life creeps in and usually it is damn painful. We find out we were chemically numb for a reason. I spent most of my life running from pain. Reality initally does bite, but over time it will get better. Patience is not a virtue most addicts have a vast reserve of initially. Plus it hurts so damn bad we don't even want to try, it's just so scary. I hope you can find some help, it sounds like you are very depressed. Just taking that step to do that is frightening, I know. There is a way through this though. The pain of feeling your feelings won't kill you although you might think that it will. Take care, I am glad you are still with us. IR

[hippy]

hey there m  as we get clean and stay clean , one thing is for sure I have never seen a addict  go through the hell of getting
clean   and then have thier life turn to **** , it just does not happen that way. when people get cleand up and start living, everything starts to work out for the better. The how procass is like some kind of divine intervention. It seems gets better and better when we get clean .
Im sure as you stay clean you life will be full of happiness
as that divineintervention continues to work in your life for you and you daughter.  
thanks for posting  and keep the faith
and try the recipe

[hippy]

Hey JB i hope you feeling better as this day turn's into night.
I have 10 day's clean using the recipe, it't working really well.
I to was clean for many year's only to relapse a few year's ago do to pain medication from rotator cuff operation's.
I also have felt dead  and numb the last few year's , but the L-tyrosine has lifted that feeling along with the crushing depression. Speaking of V.C., I just finished  the book up country it was preety good, it mentions that we lost 58,000 and the VC lost 1,000,000 i did not know they lost a million guys, and some people say we lost.
.Being the addict that i am. reading is one of my normal addiction's.
I think suffering is one of the things i can really relate to in the last 3 years my younger brother died along with my inlaws and around half a dozen real close freind's who were all clean addict's who had hep c reach out of the past to snatch them up.
My youngest son starts saraycuse in the fall, Any way being experinced  as we are getting clean and all I think we have a lot to offer.  
Thanks for posting  your feelings. There is a lot to be said for the trruth no matter how ugly or painful.
I am grateful for yor post and thankful for yor service to this country, you sound like you are a good father putting you kids thrugh collage and all.    
KEEP POSTING AND THANKS

[oh please already]

well i am going to babble because i just found myself crying in the bathroom and im just too tired to keep crying.I keep asking myself what is the problem,why am i so afraid of quiting these frigging pills,they dont make me feel good any more,i hate the lieing invoved to get them and a thousand other reasons to quit and then it came to me, i just want to be numb because i hate my life. I hate,and i know that is a strong word but i do hate my husband. I do not know how i could of missed it brfore but he is a joyless mean person and if i get straight that means i will have to do something about it because of my child.Up untill lately he was good with her but now that she is becoming her own person,he is not so kind. I can see the bewilderment on her face when he staps and it kills me,but how do i get the f--- out of here w/ no money or support.well i wrote this down so i cant pretend i didnt think it, maybe reading over and over will give me sterenght to do something about it,to all of you who fell off the wagon, dont beat yourself up, at least u got on .

[oh please already]

well i am going to babble because i just found myself crying in the bathroom and im just too tired to keep crying.I keep asking myself what is the problem,why am i so afraid of quiting these frigging pills,they dont make me feel good any more,i hate the lieing invoved to get them and a thousand other reasons to quit and then it came to me, i just want to be numb because i hate my life. I hate,and i know that is a strong word but i do hate my husband. I do not know how i could of missed it brfore but he is a joyless mean person and if i get straight that means i will have to do something about it because of my child.Up untill lately he was good with her but now that she is becoming her own person,he is not so kind. I can see the bewilderment on her face when he staps and it kills me,but how do i get the f--- out of here w/ no money or support.well i wrote this down so i cant pretend i didnt think it, maybe reading over and over will give me sterenght to do something about it,to all of you who fell off the wagon, dont beat yourself up, at least u got on .