Aa
Feeling hopeless today
Hi All- Really blah day! I know I have to hold on tight! I will! Just feel like utter crap today! No motivation, almost as if there is no hope! Icky! I changed my primary doctor to a really good one. The only problem with that is I don't have an appointment until Oct 19th ( soonest she could see me) My old doc is the one who well his office would fill all my scripts for me :( so when I did the drastic makeover that was included. Oh well< iwill try and look at the glass half full today but i just feel to icky? Maybe I need psych meds? Or maybe I dunno! Just reaching out..You all know how I feel and what I mean..Thank you
Thank you so much! I needed to hear that I shouldn't jump into any pills just yet! You know my good mind (since I now play good vs evil constantly) keeps telling me that. When I was a kid and having some problems with drugs I was diagnoised w/ depression or maybe it was bi-polar...BUT the truth is I think maybe I took a week or maybe even two of the pills and felt horrible stopped them and never looked back. I then had 14 years clean without out a thing until I had a few doctor runs ( car accident, misscarriages etc..) that introduced me to the opiate world :( So all that to say I am SURE you are completely right and I just need to take over my brain and let myself heal. I am dying to get into my new doctor so I can tell her EVERYTHING and then maybe she can get me hooked up with a therapist which I sure will help. Thanks agian for all the support. I am holding tight!! I promise!
P.S. Don't let the new doc talk you into any pills just yet. That clean time is a much better idea.
Make the doc do blood chemistry work first before she treats anything which may or may not exist.
Don't forget that depression, sadness, tiredness etc are all symptoms that are related to your endorphins being out of wack because of the opiates.
They will get back to normal as the neurons that produce them regrow and begin making enough to satisfy the natural demands your body's opioid receptors demand. After 30 days of being opiate free, endorphins levels are only 45-50% of normal, and should be near normal in about 90 days to a year.
So why treat anything that you know can't be normal for quite a while yet. It's only when the body is producing all it can that treatment for any imbalance should be considered.
Did you have an imbalance before you ever took opiates? If not, then don't expect there to be one after you are healed. In the mean time work on the aftercare, and heal the psychological part of addiction while you are physically healing.
Make the doc do blood chemistry work first before she treats anything which may or may not exist.
Don't forget that depression, sadness, tiredness etc are all symptoms that are related to your endorphins being out of wack because of the opiates.
They will get back to normal as the neurons that produce them regrow and begin making enough to satisfy the natural demands your body's opioid receptors demand. After 30 days of being opiate free, endorphins levels are only 45-50% of normal, and should be near normal in about 90 days to a year.
So why treat anything that you know can't be normal for quite a while yet. It's only when the body is producing all it can that treatment for any imbalance should be considered.
Did you have an imbalance before you ever took opiates? If not, then don't expect there to be one after you are healed. In the mean time work on the aftercare, and heal the psychological part of addiction while you are physically healing.
You have to remember that YOU are the one in control of your mind, not it over you. It's really just another organ, but one directly linked to the conscious you! Your brain is addicted right now, and wants you to make it feel better. But it has to make you move your arms to reach for those pills. Since it has no arms, the only thing it can do use the links to your conscious self to motivate you into doing this.
Have you ever seen these people who can control even the auto functions of their bodies, such as their heart rate and blood pressure? This shows you that we all have the ability to control every function of the brain, even areas of auto function. It's really just a matter of focusing on what you want the brain to do and making it do it. So when the brain tries to take control and make you focus on how IT feels, you have to say no, you can't do that, I'm the one who tells you what I want to focus on, think about etc.
When people tell you to try keep yourself busy and keep your mind off feeling crappy, that's really what you are doing, taking control and focusing on what you want to focus on. You just need to exercise that ability so it's stronger and better able to resist the brain trying to take control of that function for you. Sounds weird I know, but with a little practice, it will get easier to do. Finding something to do which you can really get engrossed in for long periods of time really helps you do this.
It doesn't have to be anything physical, it could be cross stitch or another hobby you've always wanted to try.
Just trying to figure out what the heck I'm talking about in this post has probably taken your mind completely off those lousy thoughts, I bet!
Have you ever seen these people who can control even the auto functions of their bodies, such as their heart rate and blood pressure? This shows you that we all have the ability to control every function of the brain, even areas of auto function. It's really just a matter of focusing on what you want the brain to do and making it do it. So when the brain tries to take control and make you focus on how IT feels, you have to say no, you can't do that, I'm the one who tells you what I want to focus on, think about etc.
When people tell you to try keep yourself busy and keep your mind off feeling crappy, that's really what you are doing, taking control and focusing on what you want to focus on. You just need to exercise that ability so it's stronger and better able to resist the brain trying to take control of that function for you. Sounds weird I know, but with a little practice, it will get easier to do. Finding something to do which you can really get engrossed in for long periods of time really helps you do this.
It doesn't have to be anything physical, it could be cross stitch or another hobby you've always wanted to try.
Just trying to figure out what the heck I'm talking about in this post has probably taken your mind completely off those lousy thoughts, I bet!
HEY Girl hope today is a bit brighter for you this goes in cycles you will have a run of good days but yuo can have a run of bad days as well thats where the aftercare comes in it will take a wile for your brain chemistry to stabilize you will no when it dose when your good days out number your bad......hang in there your doing good and feeling right what your suppose to be feeling where your at in recovery it will get ezer I promise ......Gnarly
Hi Tavia I have not been on much lately but I love to see your posts. I sometimes feel the same way about wishing the day would end, I am always happy around 10:00 at night because I know then I have another sober day. You know get that aftercare really because I have relapsed many times and until I actually got to a therapist and realized I used drugs to cope with my problems and my depression. I am now having to deal with problems 10 years ago because I did not deal with them then, sad I used pills to deal with ALL my problems. I think it is great you come here and post so many great people here but there is a reason we use, I care about you and I want to see you succeed. So keep doing what you are doing, call that doctor and get some form of aftercare that will work with your personality. I fought aftercare all the way and I relapsed over and over, I am trying hard this time and I know you are too. So great to be able to post to you, missed being here
Hi All- Ugh! What a day! I am so happy it ended! So strange because life is so short and I feel guilty when I wish the day would end. :( I feel a bit better today! I guess just still super mad at myself for the slip up and trying to work aftercare into my life. I am going to call my new doc today and see if they can squeeze me in. Her speciality is depression, go figure! The only problem with that is will she want me on meds and is it a good idea. Who knows? BUT maybe I just need to let my brain have some clean time before I jump into a different set of pills. BUT at the same time I am just so sad, mad and icky feeling. I never thought I would say thank God for work but its what gets me through! I work LONG days so I have to as if it which I am sure is what forged me through yesterday and what will keep me clean today. I will keep moving forward!! Off to the treadmill for some brisk walking. Have a great day everyone and thanks a million times over for the outpour of support. I guess in reality its DAY 8 AGAIN!! for me
Hey girl! Kinda seems like we're going through this together huh? Funny how much alike our stories are. I'm just that one day ahead of you and I just had a day that I just couldn't seem to get out of the funk..... I'll tell you that yesterday was a bit better and today was normal again. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the narcotics going out of our systems, maybe we're just learning to deal with the real world again.... pill free.... Either way, we're swimming on.... without those damn pills! I know that this may be awful advise, being that it's totally different than what everyone else is saying on here..... but every once in a while... and I mean like once a month or less... it's sinfully wonderful to lay on the couch and watch television for hours on end..... I can't do that all day because I have kids to feed and what not... but spending some quality time on the couch rotting my brain is something that I look foreward to in the evenings, even if it's only for like 15 minutes before I crash out! I'm addicted to television and I think that's the lesser of two evils :) Try it! What's it really gonna hurt? Watch a movie, or south park.... or some other mindless dribble..... it's wonderful!
hello tavia I hate days like those...like gnarly said our brains are a mess and it just takes time...hang in there it WILL get better...put on some good music I found just driving and jamming out seemed to lift my spirits...put some candles around the bath tonite and just pamper yourself a bit decide that tomorrow WILL be better, push all the negative thoughts out and forget about today!!! Youre still clean and that is good in its self...keep pushing you've got alot of friends cheering you on!!!! Good luck!!!
HI Tavia so sorry to here your feeling like this but the cold hard facts is we will have days like this coming off narcotics early on......it takes a wile for your brain to start producing endorphins on its own again along with serotonin and dopamine right now your brain is a chemistry mess and will be for a wile do as the other posters say make the best out of a bad day you can attitude has so much to do with this a positive attitude goes a long way
YOU CAN DO THIS IT JUST TAKES PERSEVERANCE......EARLY ON IT TUFF BUT IT WILL GET EZER FOR YOU as you go along chin up cheer up and walk it out there will be good days and bad days but as you progress the good will out number the bad hang in there keep posting for support we all want to see you succeed good luckand God bless......Gnarly
YOU CAN DO THIS IT JUST TAKES PERSEVERANCE......EARLY ON IT TUFF BUT IT WILL GET EZER FOR YOU as you go along chin up cheer up and walk it out there will be good days and bad days but as you progress the good will out number the bad hang in there keep posting for support we all want to see you succeed good luckand God bless......Gnarly
COMMUNITY LEADER
Just hang tough tavia. You can get thru this. Turn on some music, clean a closet, just force yourself to get busy. You can do this!!
Yes, I know how you feel. I don't feel icky from wd's today but I think my run lastnight flared up the back pain today it's terrible. But I am bearing through it. This morning I called my dr and told them no more pain meds! I think an anti- dep is a good idea, lucky for me I have already been on one for 2 years. Can you call your old dr and tell them your having some depression and see if they will call it in? Or maybe call the new dr and ask them since your apt is so far out! In many practices I worked at our dr's would do so since you have to wait so long. Just a thought. Hang in there okay?? Know that there are others withgoing the same thing as you.... Big Hugz!!!!
Hey, don't make too much of this. I know it feels like crap, but it could pass quickly. Try not to let the bad feeling take over your day. When I wake up feeling like that, I just try not to let my entire day be that way. Like....try to only let yourself feel this way till lunch! : )
Go for a walk if you can. Just getting out and moving around, even if it's only for a few minutes, will help a lot. Also, do you take Super B Complex vitamin? It really has helped me. (and I'm not a vitamin girl!!)
It's gonna be ok! Get moving and take that walk!!!
Go for a walk if you can. Just getting out and moving around, even if it's only for a few minutes, will help a lot. Also, do you take Super B Complex vitamin? It really has helped me. (and I'm not a vitamin girl!!)
It's gonna be ok! Get moving and take that walk!!!
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