Desperate to quit but don't know how. It's always "tomorrow"

[teridactyl]

I've been on opiates for 14 years (I was in a bad motorcylcle accident), but the last 4 years have been a living hell. Two years ago I quit taking oxy's, with the help of suboxone. It was a very rough 10 days, but I did it. The thing I hadn't counted on was the amount of pain I would dealing with, every minute of every day, once the opiates were out of my system. I tried numerous alternatives for pain relief: yoga, hot baths,j acuzzis, massages, meditation, ointments. 2 months later, back to oxy's. I hate 'em, I don't like myself too much either. I'm not like the girl I used to be at all. No drive, no motivation (except to find the pills my husband has hidden from me). I take about 250-300 mg oxy a day. PLEASE, SOMEBODY HELP ME END THIS CRAZINESS. I have been trying to quit/cut back for the last 6 months. The lies, sneekiness, and the general change in my personality is really hurting my marriage. I don't like the person I've become. What do I do?

[teridactyl]

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and for the brutal honesty of the situation.  I am on day 4 of suboxone treatment. HORRIBLE! I remember it being so much easier the last time I quit. At least today I am out of bed and I feel like I have a tiny bit of strength. What is your story? How long have you been clean and how did you get there?

[littlebit667]

There have been some studies about pain and use of opiates.  Of course, I do not know what your situation is and everyone is different, but wanted to share this info in case it might help.  Two months is great, but as has been said...might not have given you time to see where your pain levels were.  The body/brain wants those pills and often seems to make the pain worse or at least not better..to get them.  Here is a link that might help.  

http://www.medscape.org/viewarticle/572104

[10356]

Hi Teridaytyl.. Welcome to the forum.. I'm Happy for you that you are reaching out for help.. 2 months was not very long to get a handle on what your pain really is..  it took a long time for us to get to this point it takes awhile for our bodies to get back to learning how to fight pain.. many of us have found our pain less after being off for a longer period. It sounds like hubby knows of your addiction but you are still circumventing him.. It all starts in our Brains they are very Powerful.. we have to want this more then anything in the world we have to want this for ourselves.... detox at home would be rough but doable... there is also rehab. then again there is tapering but you have to get your husband on board and You have to be right in your brain that this is what you want.. we can not be on the fence when it comes time to get clean..  we are all here for support. I sure hope you choose to give it another go a lil more time and with more support You just may get ot the otherside.. I will send prayers you do.. lesa

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I remember the "tomorrow" days and when tomorrow did come I would put it off. It is a merry-go-round but there is hope. Don't ever give up on that.

You are on a very high dose and you have been on them a long time. Trying to taper alone is probably not going to work for you as you are seeing. Have you gotten honest with your doctor? Have you considered in-patient treatment? Again, I think going it alone will be hard.

We can support you here, talk with you and suggest home remedies but the decision as to how you will do this is going to be yours. I hope you stick around and talk with us. There is great support here.