5 year struggle finally comming to a head with vicodin

[nootbaar]

hello nice to know im not alone. ive been struggling with vicodin for gosh most be 5 years. ive finally put my foot down and decided enough was enough. i havent put much effort into quitting because im scarred of the WD's they hurt i can manage the tiredness and fatigue the runs,sweats, but what always stops me are the leg cramps at night the lack of sleep over whelms me with having to deal with the symptoms durring the day. for the last 3 weeks i have finally said enough. i know it will be hard abusing vicodin for this long cannot come with out a price to pay. i cant imagine my self at 40,50 60 yr old begging for pills i cannot have them be more important than my family any more. so i have quite cold turkey. well kinda anyway at first i tappered not the traditional just went longer and longer between taken one everytime i wanted one i asked my self if i thought i could go another 15 min then 1/2 hour then an hour you get the point until by day 3 or 4 i was only taking 1/2 a day now i was taking up to 20 10/325 a day then i said thats it i can do it i know its hard but i have to do it for myself first then my family. sounds selfish but ultimately its for my family. then i had none i can make it to day 3 then i give in for a couple days ill take 1 or 2 during the day today i had 1 but refuse to take any more. tomarrow will start the 0 a day again and after reading this im kinda disapointed to know i was only 1 or 2 days away from feeling good again. or atleast better. i did find out on my own that soaking in a hot bath does help with the cramps. so when i awake at night i do have some relief instead of taking a pill just to sleep because ultimately all im doing is delaying the inevitable. i have to gothrough it. so in 5 days ill tell you how i feel the worst part is is i have to do this while working 12 1/2 hrs. a day working in a power plant but i really just laugh at the symptoms seems to work just think to my self hell if this is all its got i think i can handle it so i havent given up just given in but the struggle will continue but im willing to accept it. and i think thats a big part in it to accept that this is what it is and just think things could always be worse. i just wish my legs didnt feel like jello all day its hard to stand i find my self looking for excuses to sit all the time but at night i get up cant go back to sleep cause i keep moving my legs and need to get up and pace. but hell if thats all its got i can handle it.

[nootbaar]

i know not to take it more than once infact i get so dissapointed that i even gave in but thats how i see it i gave in not gave up that would be easier to do. just when the wd's seem to be at there worst and ive fought it for days i justify it by saying i need a break just for a few hours and then i cont. i think its mostely mental its how you think of it and its easy to say but much harder to do and stay focused. But there is such a better me out there and i need to find him again. i havent been me for years im getting mean crabby withdrawn from work and friends and im discusted by it and i will no longer let some little pill dictate to me how im going to live my life and spend time with my kids. i think were all there just in different stages.

[broknbck]

strange that you say that, i did have an episode one day that i almost felt like i had taken a pill and it was like a week since i had quit.

this type of wean is different that you are doing. but if you are going to go days without, it may be a good idea to not take pills for more than one day in a row. because then you are building up the tolerance again. the idea is not ever let the tolerance go up . only to stay the same or get lower. so a steady low dose keeps it the same and skipping a day, makes is jump down more. also, do not take it all day like every 4 hours. maybe just once a day or twice. but there should be time inbetween that there is nothing going to your brain.
this is just stuff i learned while weaning and you know what will work for you best.

[outotown]

I have done the high thing just when it happens to me i get disapointed cuz i know it wont last. This site is a life saver im so glad i foud it, it will help you a bunch. I may be wrong but the way you have tapered just might work, let us know how things go OK

[nootbaar]

hey thanks for the comment i dont expect it to be easy in fact i know its hard but im ready more ready than ever. i honestly dont even give a **** what it throws at me i just keep thinking if this is the worst of it i can handle it. there is another high at the end im wanting thats the high of not being high not worring about where to get more if im gonna run out i use to be better tham this well that sounds like the past i am better than this and i dont want it any more i want to get back to enjoying life just because im alive not because i just scored more pills. its robbed me of enough its been 3 weeks for me so far ill go 3 days off then ill give in go 2-3 days just taking 1 a day then 3-4 days off etc. each time i get so dissapointed because as far as im concerned im just delaying the inevetable (i cant spell) hey when you quite were there periods when you suddenly felt like you just took some and they just kicked in that happens to me like my body hasnt produced things naturally for so long it releases so much endorfins i feel high and start blabbing at the jaws like im high on pills. Wierd but hell thats one side effect i look forward to.

[outotown]

I used magnesium 1000 mg a day for leg cramps, I also used melontoin to help with sleep, This can be done your in the right mind set, beating this is more mental than anything. Im pulling for you if you need anything just holler.

[want2Bsober]

Im in the same boat i guess, just with a different paddle. I am still in day one and totally know how you feel. I feel like death right now. But I have to stop. Im 40!! I cant be doing this at 60 - no way. If i even made it that far. Its gonna cont to be torture, just for how long....i dont know myself. Im prayin for you though. I promise, cause I too can use all the help I can get

[broknbck]

well good for you!
you sound like you have reached the point you need to be at to do this. like anything it throws at you, you are going to handle.

i tried quitting cold turkey, but the withdrawl was just too much. so when i tappered. i dragged it over a month down to 1 pill on the last day. and my withdrawl was not bad at all. i think i experienced most of it while weaning down.

the leg thing is pretty annoying. so try to stretch your legs really good before going to bed. that seemed to help me alot.

you sound like your thinking is in control and that is really good.
i wouldn't worry so much about the day inbetween of taking again. it has probably helped to ease it up a bit. and does not make you go back to the beginning. it is a huge shock on your body and brain when we quit all of a sudden and our tolerance is pretty high. so if you do like you have, it gives the body and brain a chance to slowly adjust to the major changes taking place.
there is no danger in this as long as you are not chasing the high anymore. just a little relief in the symptoms. and never feeling 'high' though.

keep up, you are almost there!!