Done with it all

[Percopunk]

I have been taking Perk's and Vic's for 3 years with a script for pain. Tried quitting but no luck. So depressed that I just want to swallow the whole bottle. Just tired of living, on or off of the pills. Is this normal? This has been going on for 3 months in my head constantly. just thinking of the pain my kids would suffer. Just want to end this as I feel like there is no purpose of continuing to live. Nuts or what?

[overopiates]

1st Im not at all mad I was just trying to get my point across how that would affect ur kids.Glad u wnt ever do that.YES ABSOLUTELY ur depression is from the pills.U have no history of depression b4.Opiates r well known 2cause depression.Did u start trying2quit n the last3months when the depression got bad?U r on a low dose@30mg a day which is a blessing4 u.If I were u I would c/t(I c/t off a lot 15or more of 10mgtabs a day).I took a lot of immodium but make sure u get the name brand.I took double or more of the recommended dose for5days because n larger doses immodium eases other symptoms of w/d not just stomach issues.My anxiety was so high.I took benzos I was prescribed.Got some otc sleep aid,headache meds,lots of fluids etc.look up the thomas recipe it gives u a ton of info and the stuff u need2get through detox with ease.I will say day1wasnt so bad,day3was the worst&started2ease up mid-late day4&got better everyday after.I dnt think u will have awful w/d at all.I believe u might b surprised actually because u on a low amount.Oh i took lots of baths too.I would get supplies from the thomas recipe,flush the35 pills&go4it.Dnt panick/worry/b scared of w/d.NO NEED.That only makes it worse cause u freak urseld out.i u want2taper then its simple too.Just drop a small amount every few days.I will say though tapering MAY help2ease the w/d but u will still spend the time tapering,have some w/d through that while dropping ur dise then u still have the w/d when u finish the taper.I cnt imagine that a taper from30mg is going2make ANY difference though.U will b fine.I would jump b prepared for some uncomfortableness for a few days then u should be just fine.

[Percopunk]

Should I taper off or do cold turkey. I only take 30mg a day. I have got like 35 pills left. Today was better as I was around friends and family. Not sure if I can do it. Please advise. Thank you!

[hope6hope]

I was on fentanyl and Percs for pain and I was ok at first but after about 4-5 months I got really depressed. Up until that point I have never struggled with depression in my life. Once I stopped taking them I'm no longer depressed though I am still on 0.5mg of subs. I just think for whatever reason they had the opposite affect on me?? I know most people say the get energy and feel good on opiates but that was never the case with me. Hang in there life is worth living this is just a season in your life your going through but I promise it will get better. Try to focus on your children and the prize at the end that helps me. Take care :)

[lild713]

Trust me, I feel the same way.........really do....I'm a failure in life embrassed to my family. Sometimes I think it's best I leave but doing that to you're self GOD don't like it tho...only reason why I don't wanna do it and I'm scare ..

[VICourageous]

Hi...You did get some great information form above...The Drugs are Evil and they want to continue to be your Friend..They like the company and want to take you down with them too...I would like you to look up all the information on the "Disease of Addiction and the Pleasures Pathway" I really think this can help you better understand  whats going on, so you will not beat yourself up...Like they said above..Get to a meeting, any meeting for the Support..You will find a lil Angle there just waiting to guide you..You will also find someone with your same issues.I wish you well on this Journey..You keep checking back...OK
God be with today...
vickie

[clean_in_ks]

Welcome to the forum...you are in the right place!  The endless merry-go-round cycle you are living is familiar to each and every one of us.  You are NOT nuts.....your brain is saturated with opiates and the drugs are talking to you right now.  They lie, they steal and they try to destroy us.

I, too, had more than one plan to end my life as the addiction spiraled out of control and gripped me.
I KNEW in my heart that that's not what I really wanted to do.  When the insanity of the endless trap and cycle overwhelmed me I thought two things:  my narcotic filled brain told me I could never get off these things and I felt powerless and incapable and unequipped......but deep inside my soul.....I KNEW I was not a crazy woman, I had just been on pain pills so long I FELT crazy!

You hang on......read and read and read on this forum.  There are many, many people in this world addicted to narcotics and many became addicted via a legit medical issue.  There is HOPE and there is a WAY OUT.  We will stand by you, love you, support you, make suggestions for you......whenever you get to that place in your heart where you are ready to "lay it down" and "ask for help".......the road to freedom will begin.

[Fireby29]

You are not nuts.

These addictions to narcotics really screw our brains up.  Part of the reason they are so hard to get off of and why staying clean is tough.  It will start to get better if you can get off of these things and begin the process of healing your brain.  The acute detox is just part of it, you will need to stay vigilant for long after, maybe forever.  It does get easier as time clicks by and you brain gets better however.

There is hope!  You can win this, you just have to start.

1.  Cut ALL sources.  Doctor, dealer, pharmacy, dentist.
2.  Tell your secret.  Family, friend, someone who can hold you accountable.
3.  Aftercare.  Religion, therapy, AA/NA, this forum.  It all can help.

If you really cannot do it alone, consider in patient stuff.  See a doctor and tell your secret, they can help you.

Keep posting, let us know you are ok.

Bryan

[Percopunk]

I love my kids too much to actually do it but I can't get the thoughts out of my head. I was hoping this is from being on the pills and not a mental issue. Just being honest here. I will look up a Dr and see abt out an appt.  I never felt this way before the pills. Sorry if your mad and the loss of father. And I sit here debating to take another pill. Crazy Crap.

[overopiates]

U tried2quit,how(c/t,taper)why did u fail(what made u take pills again)?Please share more here.U need2talk2ur dr explain how u feel(u might wanna seriouzly consider checking n a metal health facility.Not sure of underlying issues(mental health)u may have.Get all that cbeckes&working w/right meds good luck

[overopiates]

If u really r considering this u need to call911right now!!Im100%serious.1st off suicide is the cowards way out&u sat.thinking of ur child going on w/o u.As some1whos father killed himself when I was4this makes me angry. U r a better,smarter person than this.U will make ur kids feel like they didnt&dnt mean a thing2u,u abandoned them&u simply DONT care at all about them.Killing urself is the most selfish act n the world.That said u didnt give much detail about ur pill addiction like how many a day,r u out NOW?All of the crazy emotions&wild thoughts n ur head r FROM THESE PILLS BTW.

[SmilingBright]

Hey just wanted to Tell you how amazing life can be without pills!!  Please don't end your life bc of those evil pills making u think u need them forever.  Your kids need their mommy.  
You have found an awesome forum w amazing support that can help you through this addiction!!  

I'm 18 days clean today and never been more proud to say that in my life.