Drank after 5 years, don't think I'm an alcoholic

[mandamanda]

Hello, this is my first time on a forum. My question requires a little background. I have been a sober member of AA for four and a half years. I got sober when I was 21. I was out of control, angry at the world, blacking out all the time and dabbling in drugs. I kept failing at school and couldn't show up for things. My relationship with my parents was bad and I was an all around sloppy drunk. I joined AA and met a great bunch of people. I worked the steps and learned a lot about myself. The person I was at 21 seems like a total stranger to me now. I'm currently in the Republic of Georgia, right below Russia. Drinking here is part of every bit of the culture. I have been here for about a week, tempted to drink left and right. I have thought for quite some time that maybe I was immature at 21, that I had psychological issues that needed to be addressed, pretty much that I had a lot of growing up to do - that with where I am in my life now, I would not drink the way I used to. Last night was the night. I had been denying drinks left and right and I couldn't do it anymore. I had a beer at dinner and then we went to a bar and I had a cosmo. I was definitely buzzed, but not drunk. I was in control, and I didn't want to be out of control. After the cosmo I was awake and hanging out with people for about another 3 hours without the need for another drink. Today I woke up and did not feel the need to drink. The mental obsession I am having is not about wanting to drink - it's about losing all of the people in AA, especially my boyfriend of 3 years, a fellow AA member. I'm honestly not even sure how to phrase this question, but here goes -
Is it possible that I am not an alcoholic, but that I just drank to excess when I was young? What do I do if my parents and my boyfriend want me to go back to AA, but I'm in fact not an alcoholic? Does anyone have experience with this?

Please respond, I'm in a foreign country with a group I don't know well and no access to a telephone. I'm too afraid to tell anyone I know, this is the first time I'm "telling" anyone. Thank you

[Pat1956100]

Hi Amanda
I think you are the only one that can answer that question.  
It would be a shame for you to relapse and run into problems with drinking while you are in a foreign country and away from all of your support.
Why don't you wait until you are back home if you need to test this out?
You said you used to blackout while drinking.  You wouldn't want that to happen while you are there.
Just because you made it through one night still maintaining control while drinking doesn't mean it will happen the next time.  You will let your guard down and get more comfortable and I fear what could happen to you.
I can understand you wanting to be able to drink socially but in most cases it doesn't work.
Are you there for work?  If so that's even more of a reason to wait until you are home to test your ability to drink socially or not.

Let us know your decision and I hope you make the right one for you.

[marycarmel]

I agree that only you can answer that question.  I think there are some people who, when younger, drink out of control and can later drink socially but I also think it's somewhat rare.

I have a brother who is 6 years younger than I am.  When he was in his late teens and very early twenties, he had a lot of problems stemming from alcohol.  He fell off a balcony and broke his back (and recovered.)  He was charged with breaking and entering when he entered a house he thought his friend was having a party at, no one was there, used the bathroom and woke up the home owner.  He was brought home countless times by the cops.

But then he seemed to be okay.  I rarely saw him drink and never saw him drunk.  Fast forward to him at 40 ... a beautiful wife, two gorgeous kids, a million dollar home, and a half-million summer home on the water.  My two kids were at his summer home with him and I got a call.  My kids were very aware of alcohol-related things because of their own dad.  They told me they were worried because he was passed out in a hammock.  These were my two younger kids who were 9 and 10 at the time.  His two boys were 8 and 10.  The 8 year old went too far out in the water and nearly drowned and my 10 year old swam out and got him.  They couldn't wake my brother up.

I honestly thought he was ill.  Maybe undiagosed diabetes, too much sun, something.  Never did I think it was alcohol.  My daughter said, "I think he's drunk."  I asked her why she thought that and she said he was just acting strange all afternoon.  I told her to keep everyone out of the water and called my sister-in-law.  I told her what my daughter told me and said, "I know it's crazy."  She told me she could get there within a half hour.

She called me later that night and told me my kids were right.  He was drunk.  Turns out, for the past 20 years he was a closet drinker.  He waited until his wife and kids were in bed and he'd drink alone.  In hindsight, there were a couple of things that were a bit odd ... him forgetting to pick up the kids at school one day.  But he said he had been sick and fell asleep.  His wife later told me that though she rarely saw him drink, there had been a couple of times that he embarrassed her at work functions.

He's been sober 2.5 years now.  I think he still struggles with his sobriety.  He has not told a lot of people.  He did apologize to my kids and to me.  He  has not told his own children that he's an alcoholic.

I'm only relaying this story because if you're wrong, do you really want to lose your sobriety?  It should be protected at all costs.  My ex-husband had 5 years sober and was a fantastic husband and father.  He lost his sobriety 13 years ago after we had our 4th child.  Someone told him he should just have a beer ... it's what guys do to celebrate.  Well, that started a 13-year run where his alcoholism became worse and worse and then he started on the drugs.  A year ago he got his 6th OUI and is awaiting trial now.  He's sober now.  Or dry.  He doesn't have that same spirituality and calmness he had when he was working his program.  I don't believe he will remain sober once he does his jail time unless he gets a sponsor and gets real about his disease.

And I agree with Pat about being cautious while in another country.  

Best of luck with all of this.

[weaver71]

I went to my first AA meeting at 20 years old. I was sober for some time, worked the steps, and felt a lot like you are describing. I started to drink now and then. It worked out as planned the first year. It took about 2 yrs before I was taking drugs and drinking daily again. Alcohol is very sneaky. It will let you control it just long enough to pin you down. I chose drugs eventually, because I never blacked out on them. I can still have a drink and not want more the next day, but how does that make me a better person? Now I'm a middle aged person with almost 6 months clean from methadone. Now and then turned into 20 years.

My concern for you is, you FEEL that what you are doing is wrong. You don't want to talk about it, yet here you are needing to. You drank, even though you fear you may lose your boyfriend and trust from your friends and family. What made you think 1 evening was worth that much risk? Would it be more worth the risk if it was every month, weekend, day? You may not be an alcoholic, I don't know, but you have that potential. Be aware, remember where you're from, and please be careful. I've partied a lot in foreign countries, it can get weird.