is there anything I can do?

[4afriend]

I know an addict has to want help but how do you help them see that they do?  My ex husband told me the year following our divorce that at the time prior to my deciding to leave that he was using opiates quite heavily.  I had not idea at the time...only knew his personality changed and that the kids and I were no longer a priority to him.  When he told me, he said he had gotten clean on his own.  I know it was difficult for him to say that to me because we are both in the medical field and he wasn't getting those pills for himself from his doc.  I told him then that I was saddened at the fact he didn't share the info then because I would have helped him in anyway that I could have.

Since that time, he began dating someone after the fact shared she also was an addict.  Due to his profession and he own history he explained if they were to be together she would need to seek help.  She did but the split up despite the fact due to other issues.

When they reconciled later, he was told that she had reverse lordoses in her back and had to use pain meds for her back.  He informed me that she began suboxone because she didn't want the feeling of being "druggy" (her previous doc was oxy's).  They continue to split and reconcile and each time they do he tells me that he had only went back because she threatens to report him (to the medical profession he is in) because he was using pills again for a little bit during their relationship.

Very recently, a family member of his told me that when he went to visit them (and my kids who were with him) that he watch him and her both snort a bunch of pills while he was there.  The family member didn't say anything to them about it and told me I wasn't allowed to say anything about it.  She is supposed to still be on suboxone...so how or why is she still using other things.

I didn't tell him how I learned of this, but did tell him that I was worried about them and their history of use and I was suspicious that there may be a problem.  He told me that she was still on her sub and said nothing of his own self.  Although the next day he went to the er for a back issue.  Said they gave him a short of morphine but it didn't help him.  So the next day he went to the doc and got himself a script of perc's for the back issue.  When I asked what they found out about his back issue...the doc said he didn't know.

I have a feeling he did this because he knew I was onto him about his use while he was caring for our children and voiced concern.

I asked him why he didn't tell the docs of his past pill issue when they were trying to find something to use for his pain, but he wouldn't say anything back to me about it.  He told me himself that "now matter what I just have to stay away from those pills...I just can't touch them anymore"  And now he does this...

He could lose his new profession and everything he has worked so hard for (if he does that will also effect me and the kids greatly)...I'm soooo worried for him...and my kids when they go with him and her...Am I fretting over nothing?? If I'm not...is there anything I can do to help them>???

[4afriend]

In my field of nursing, we don't regularly administer drug testing.  The ones he and I are familiar with only show whether or not you test positive for opiates...not drug specific.  Which was I figure that he just made sure that he had a script for something. I didn't think of the fact that there should be others that are drug specific..I'm just not thinking clearly lately...and today my children are with him so Im having a difficult day battling with my own head.  

The family member who told me isn't my family member...it's his family member so I really don't think that he would speak up to go against him.  Especially since he told me I can't tell that I was told and that he himself didn't speak up to him when he saw what they were doing.  When he informed me of that, he said he didn't know what it was that they are taking just knew it was several at a time which once crushed left a what he described as a "big pile" of white that they snorted.  Another sibling had abuse issues before and my ex and I were the only ones to get and offer him help through out his ordeal.  The family is just...different.  Kind of like a "you make your bed, you lie in it" kind of thing.

Anyways, I hope your right.  I guess I have held off this long because I kept telling myself it's just a recreational thing...but with him not acknowledging anything about it to me...I'm just not certain thats what it is and I can't rid my mind or gut of it now...

Thanks for the well wishes...and yes, wannabefree has offered me some very good wisdom.

[owhatamistake]

I don't think you've lost your proof....you have a family member that witnessed his behavior.  Since when did ANY prescribing Dr tell someone to snort their medicine?   I would move heaven and earth to protect my children.  I'd turn him in, let them test him (I'm betting he'll have a LOT onboard), get the person to tell what they saw (by whatever means it takes) and hope for the best!  I hope wannabefree can give you really good advuice and I am sure she can!  Good luck!

[4afriend]

owhatamistake - thank you for your advice...I have been tossing that around in my head and have spoke to my lawyer about it.  The day after I told my ex this was when he had a back problem and went and got a real script for his back. So now I feel I lost my proof because he is "prescribed" to have the med.  I had hoped my telling him about it would have been a wake up call...i didn't expect the doc visit.  I think I just messed everything up. After I learned this I voiced concern but he will not respond to me...he always does bout everything...but won't on this topic.  I sent a text on anyother thing and he answered it...but won't answer my text about this.  Not even to reassue me tht he is ok or even to tell me to butt out and that I am crazy for thinking these things...UGH..  thanks again for responding...I truly appreciate it!

wannabefree--thanks again...sent you a message...

[owhatamistake]

You know, after reading and thinking about this...wannbefree is right.  My husband is a physician and I have seen several Drs and Nurses become impaired and get caught. What she outlined as the result of being an impaired health care giver is what happens.  My own husband was actually the monitor for a Dr. in our town. You should probably consider this.  Good luck!

[wannabefree330]

I believe you have reason to be concerned.  It's obvious to me even with the little bit you have shared that he is abusing drugs again.  He is in a toxic relationship, but he knows right from wrong and he knows what he is doing by going to the er then his dr.  

Honestly, I think the best thing you could do, is call and report him to the licensing board. You can be anonymous-but they don't tell him who called in the complaint anyway.  He needs a BIG wakeup call.  Its going to get worse and worse.  He will not lose his license if it is his first offense.  They will require him to go through a treatment program (I did mine at night so I could still work), submit random drug tests, and meet with the licensing board every 3 months or so.
You can't make him want to quit, but you can surely open his eyes to what he's risking.  Without him knowing it was you.  

Also, I wouldn't allow the kids to go with him.  If he is using, he's high all the time and you don't want your kids in the car or cared for by someone who is under the influence.

[owhatamistake]

Personally, I would get a court date and my kids wouldn't be with him alone (or with the girl friend) until he/they tested clean.  He would have supervised visitation.  I don't feel the kids are safe and, if nothing else, you don't want them to see this behavior! I know that sounds mean, but as a mother you must protect your kids...so it isn't mean at all.  There is really nothing you can do besides protect the children....your ex has to decide and want to get clean himself.  After the issue of the children is taken care of you might try an Alanon (it uses the same basic principles as Narcanon) or a Narcanon meeting if you can find one....sometimes Narcanon meetings are a bit hard to find.  Some of the old timers might be able to help you and give you some very good advise.  The people there are very wise, nonjudgmental and more than willing to help.  

Good luck to you!  I hope you can sort this out!