I'm clean....but really, not really? Advice?

[Jen777]

Ok so I have been clean from Oxy now for how long I don't know because I quit counting....yeah me! BUT, I have recreationally taken maybe 1/4 of a 40 mg one night and then maybe next weekend I will take 2 ten mg hydro's. So I guess am I really clean or is it ok to proclaim I beat the addiction eventhough I still do it every once in a while? I am in a totally different state of mind now and can take some every once in a while to have fun and I don't crave it the next day because I know that I DON'T want to ever go through the withdrawals again. Did I really beat my addiction? Thanks!

[sway1]

listen to the wisdom here. the best part is ....it's free! i tried the weekend warrior thing and failed miserably. my old footprints are always there. i have to move a bit to the left or right to avoid walking in them again. they beckon. don't listen. trust.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I agree with everyone else. Its so easy for one a weekend to turn into one a day. And we all know where that goes...............

[mtgoat911]

"""Did I really beat my addiction?"""

ONLY TIME WILL TELL YOU THIS ANSWER.  IN MY OPINION I BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL TAKING RECREATIONAL DOPE ARE NOT CLEAN. IF YOU HAD BEAT YOUR ADDICTION THEN WHY DO YOU NEED TO TAKE PILLS FOR NO REASON BUT ENJOYMENT?

i do believe that it would suit you well to read a little about the disease of addiction, after educating yourself about your disease, you may find that you can answer this question on your own.....here is a link to the na text, the book mixes medical treatment with adddicts personal stories and experiences

We had regained good physical health many times, only to
lose it by using again. Our track record shows that it is impossible
for us to use successfully. No matter how well we may appear
to be in control, using drugs always brings us to our knees.
Like other incurable diseases, addiction can be arrested. We
agree that there is nothing shameful about being an addict, provided
we accept our dilemma honestly and take positive action.
We are willing to admit without reservation that we are allergic
to drugs. Common sense tells us that it would be insane to go
back to the source of our allergy. Our experience indicates that
medicine cannot cure our illness.
Although physical and mental tolerance play a role, many
drugs require no extended period of use to trigger allergic reactions.
Our reaction to drugs is what makes us addicts, not how
much we use.

http://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/BT6E_Webposting.pdf

[NoMoreExcuses]

I agree with Grizzy, I thought just like you Jen early on, I thought I was able to do it every few weeks then those few weeks turned into a few days and then once a day and so on, the next thing I knew I was back to using everyday, twice as much as the last time I quit. Addiction is a sneaky monster.....If you were able to quit, please keep it that way....

Peace.....Love....

[gizzy32]

I just would hate to see you fall back that's all. I could not even tell you how many times I thought just once a week,but it brought me back down fast. It does so much damage and you have come to far. I am so happy you did not take my words the wrong way, I care and if you kept up you would be right back to where you were. You will be fine:)

[mojorisin64]

yeah you are playing with fire,nobody ever starts at the highest dosage they end up with...it creeps up on you...

[Jen777]

You are so right.....it will catch back up to me....won't it? My husband now locks his pills up and there is to be no taking them in front of me or conversations about anything to do with them. Well, I am done then. I can't do it recreationally or I am going to spiral down. Thanks gizzy!

[gizzy32]

You want the truth? No you didn't. Most of us here thought we could do it everynow and then, but it slowly creeps back. If you can admit to being an addict than it's not ok to use recreationally. Nobody ever beats addiction, it's a disease, but it can be put into remission by abstinence. Your hubby is taking them too and not sure how you can stay clean like that with them there, well you haven't been. I know you will think this is rude and it's not meant to be at all, but your making a big mistake by thinking you can do this once in awhile. W/d's are the easiest part of addiction, staying clean and the mental is a different ball game.