Family members and your situation.

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

I was just curious how your better halfs handle your predicaments.  I mean are they sympathetic?  Do they just not have a clue?  Do they have problems as well? Do they choose to just not know?  I was just wondering what your situations are like. My husband is wonderful. He does not quite understand what is going on.  I take my meds for a legitamite reason.  I do other things to try and help with the chronic pain.  As I have said before Chiropractic, acupunture, meditation yada yada yada.  He understands that I am in pain.  But he does not quite understand why I am so obsessive with my meds.  Especially before vacations.  I give him my medicine to give me although he does not understand why.  Then about 12 hours after I give him my meds to keep and hide I am calling him at work to ask where they are.  I know he thinks I am WACKY but he got WACKY when he married me HAHA. What is your life like?
Sincerely,
Marcie.

P.S. Consider this an open thread. If you cant get in to start another one feel free to jump in.  This is not a crisis thread!
Have a good day all!

[To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words.  I really cannot believe this....I did not take any opiates this morning and am still clean (it's almost 1 o'clock) - first time in over 2 years.  The bup is great.  If it wasn't for an old friend of mine (heroin addict) then I would have never known about Dr. L.G. and the fact that it's available.  can u believe my old friend starting taking heroin to get off pills?  Stupid, huh?  anyway, that's a whole other post *warning to all who read this DO NOT I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE HEROIN TO GET OFF PILLS*  I am so grateful to be off these things for today. I am going to take it one day at a time just like u said.  I'm not worrying about tomorrow, just toady for now.  I will stay clean for today.  I haven't taken any clonidine or baclofen but have it in case - doc said I might not need it.  I have a headache right now but besides that and minor muscle aches, I'm feeling okay.  Thanks for your continued support!  Your friend, Maryanne

[BobK]

Maryanne  you made the second big move. If you follow the docs directions you will be just fine. Forget about withdrawl for now its gone. You know the old story one day at a time. You and I were very fortunate for the bup many people with far worse addictions than our own do not have the * of such a modern drug. When you are finished with the bup the worst part of your detox will be gone. I also deal with chronic pain. Im am very thankful that opiates no longer add to my situation. Jogging four miles a day is great. I wish you the best Bob K

[To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne]

Well, Tom, woke up this morning and DID IT!  I didn't plan it, just said, "To hell with this".  I am scared, really don't know what to do with myself without them.  I felt like **** (usually do in the morning before popping my 1st dose).  Got in my car and drove to work.  Still feeling crappy, I sat down and made a decision.  I injected the bup sub - q (just under the skin) and sat there a minute.  After a little while, my nose stopped running and it's been almost 3 hours now and u know what?  I'm not in withdraw.  I can't believe it.  Only thing is, I'm not high - it's weird.  First time in over 2 years.  I've never not been in withdraw and not been high.  it's strange.  and different.  I don't know if I'm ready but I am doing it.  I am going to keep myself busy and just try.  Yes, I have chronic pain.  I've been seeing a massage therapist (who is very holistic) and keeps giving me tips to relieve my pain.  I have often gone to her Drunk and high on pills.  I'm sure she knows because I can tell by the way she speaks to me (very kind and suggesting that I "detox" myself from all the "impurities") and last time she made a list of herbs to pick up from the health food store.  Lost them but I am going to ask her again.  Body hurts A LITTLE.  I'm not used to FEELING ANYTHING, so this is weird.  I don't know what I'll do when the bad pain comes from my shoulder surgery and car accident.  It's not here right now and I will deal with it when the time comes.  It's important for me to stay away from alcohol (was treated for pancreatitis and in hosp for a few days back in 94) - didn't even know I was drinking too much - was a real eye opener.  Quite honestly, I wasn't drinking anymore than my husband and family but I also was eating very little and running 4 miles a day at the time - was in perfect shape - I thought!  anyway, that's another whole story.  I am scared Tom.  Very scared to be without my pills. And not sure I want to be - you understand, right? I went to an online meeting this morning because I am stuck at work for the rest of the day.  I have the clonidine and baclofen - doc said to take them as needed and told me to disregard the prescription instructions, he said, "Listen, take what u need, just stay clean"  I have to agree with you about the pellet, I'm cancelling the implantation appt I have.  Not ready to go there and don't like the idea of it.  Anyway, I will be waiting to here from you.  Take care, your friend, Maryanne

[tom to Maryanne]

I feel the same way about quitting -- imagine doing something for 30 years and then just stopping? The hardest thing in the world to do is to break a pattern of behavior, especially one that's co-driven by pain and re-enforced by opiate addiction. I have no illusions about what I'd do if my disk problems flared up as they sometimes can. If I'm ever in the kind of pain I was in before my back surgery, I won't hesitate to accept morphine or whatever they offer. I wouldn't care if it meant detox and the whole recovery thing again later. I don't want to be sober if sober means a life of agonizing pain. What's the value of that? I know with methadone maintenance you're still getting a pretty potent pain reliever on a daily basis. The bup cure leaves you pretty much on your own. I don't recall you saying too much about your pain situation. You probably did but my memory isn't the greatest. Are you still in chronic pain? If it's episodic pain you might be able to still do the bup detox and then have an AA buddy help supervise any meds you might need from time to time. I know people in AA that do that very thing and it works for them. Dan is on the meth maintenance and has still been able to use some lorcet (I believe he's posted that) a few times without interrupting his recovery. Hang in there. You'll know when the time's right to start the bup. I'm very leery of that nalaxone pellet thing. I flat won't do that, even if I took the bup cure. The doctor can't force you to accept the pellet. Just do the bup and tell him to forget that thing.
You're in charge here, Maryanne, not your doctor -- contrary to what I'm sure he wants you to believe.

[To Tom and rest of forum from Maryanne]

Well, I haven't started yet.  Yes, I know, crazy, huh?  I don't want to stop taking the meds yet.  Can't understand why last week I was SO ready and now that I have the stuff, it's just sitting in my med closet.  I know I want to stop, just not now.  Another thing is, what if tylenol doesn't work to take my pain away? (my disease talking as per my brother with 15 yrs sobriety) I was in a bad car accident and then had shoulder surgery 2 years ago and have had chronic pain ever since.    Anyway, I have off 2 days per week and I want to wait for my next day off to start, just in case I feel weird.  I don't want to be stuck at work and wanting to use - I can go to like 3 meetings my first day to keep me strong if I'm off.  Anyway, Tom, I am dissapointed in myself.  How can I feel SO strong one day and change my mind the next?  Now that push comes to shove, I am not ready to jump......I know I will eventually die if I don't stop, I mean, how much can the livers and kidneys take I am also SCARED to be 100% sober - why?  I do not know.  What if I can't handle it?  I just read what I wrote - sounds pretty pathetic but it is all true.  Your Friend, Maryanne

[tom to Maryanne]

well, how bout the buprenorphine? How's that going? How do you feel?