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Feel like I am losing my husband while trying to get clean
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Feel like I am losing my husband while trying to get clean

Omg my husband is telling me know that I treat him like he has some kind of disease because I don't want to touch him. This makes me want to go get some pills just to feel better so I will want to be around him again. Damn man I don't want to be around anyone right now. I just feel like getting clean is actually making me lose what I am trying so hard to fight for. My marriage and my kids are my life and I feel them slipping away while I go through this process. Well I know my kids will always be here, but I can't make it without my husband. I am so lost right now.
9 Comments Post a Comment
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3092482_tn?1412261602
Okay, decision making and realism are not a strong suite in detox, so let me be the voice of reason. You fear losing your family to detox, but you know that with enough time, the pills will take them anyway. What you are doing right now, no matter the cost, is the best chance of keeping what you love and your own life. That may sound extreme, but have yet to meet a 40 yr active addict who looks back and says, "Man, my life of drugs has been wonderful, my family loves me more for it, my estate is more secure because of it, I just am so glad I had opiates all my life." Though many of us wish that scenario was possible, it doesn't exist. Maybe your husband is frustrated, maybe he doesn't understand, he may even be rude about things, but I can tell you this, if you keep using for the rest of your life, he will not be a part of it, eventually. So stick to your commitment to yourself, you can fine tune your commitment to him later, but none if it matters if you keep using. Just my opinion, but I say to focus on your own healing and then you will have the strength and clarity to heal the rest of your life.
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Avatar_f_tn
Sounds like your mind is trying to rationalize using. I know, because I've relapsed many times. Do everything in your power to fight through it. No matter how you feel right now, the most important thing is not using. Soon the haze will dissipate and you'll be on your way to being well.
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Avatar_m_tn
weaver71 said it perfectly.  Don't make any decisions during detox except to not use.  
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10996785_tn?1424987464
Hey 777, as Weaver said. Now is not the right time to be evaluating your marriage. There will come a time for that. I'm sure your husband is frustrated. OK, we only get and give limited information on here so we don't know what each of you guys have been through to get to this point. I believe you told us your husband does use, not a great environment for you to be in. I haven't discuss my first marriage here yet, I can tell you my first wife was a doctor shopping pill head. In and out of rehabs 7 times. I was a good husband but drank and occasional recreational user. Not the best of situations. I gave up and took my son and, well, asked her to leave, after she became to dangerous to raise him. So I know a little of both sides. My bigger problem came later on.

So your still here which means to me you still have the fight in you. When you used around your husband and really didn't care (or you were out of it to care) you didn't evaluate then. Now your upset. Take it as a good sign although your brain is twisting and bursting at the seams. No, now is not the best time to worry about family problems. Like my Psychiatrist told me, let now be your time. That's what you need to do. It's a real shame your husband is not excited for you and help you. Maybe he's tired and not believing in you right now. Please, don't lose your focus. It already seems like your thinking of pills a little too much. Think of a better life with your beautiful family. C'mon get fired up for sobriety. You can do it! One day at a time.......ike
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you for the encouragement. No actually my husband does not use so that is a good thing. The bad thing is he has no clue what pills really do to a person physically, mentally, and emotionally. I know I can do this. I actually got up took a good shower and even did my hair and makeup today. I have no where to go but sit in my home with my two kiddos but I feel a little better. I am even going to try to have dinner cooked for my husband when he gets home. I have not cooked since I have been in my withdrawals. It might not be a 4 course meal but it will be something. I need to make him feel important to me Again and not the pills.
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11318065_tn?1425285999
Hey Tina!!!  You are on Day 6  and should be celebrating!!  EVeryone above is right, now is not the time to make any decisions about life except the one to stay clean for another day!!!  And maybe getting to a meeting if you can soon!!!  Its so good to hear that you got up and showered and stuff!!!  Thats a great sign  that you arent staying stuck in your mind!  Staying stuck there will only bring on more excuses to use!  Making a nice dinner for him sounds good and hopefully he will appreciate it and see that you are trying!!!  Once you are feeling better it will be easier to talk with him if you need to about addiction and pills and all that stuff!!!  Keep hanging on!!!  XO Karen
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3092482_tn?1412261602
The longer I was off pills, the more I realized that what I do is more important than how I feel. If you wait to feel like putting on makeup, fixing dinner, or cleaning house, you may never feel it. If you start to DO those things, eventually it will feel good, and you will want to do them. Just take it slow, try to do a little more and a little more, he will forget all about this month, once you have manifested yourself out of the insanity.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you everyone......
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Avatar_f_tn
Your husband needs to be an active part of your recovery. He may be co-dependent and needs help. Most people believe it is all on the addict to get help, but that is not true. Spouses and children need it as well. You can do this!

"I may have one more buzz left in me, but I do not have one more withdrawal in me."
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