Feeling depressed

[fordfanatic]

I have been clean 9 days and my life is starting to get back on track. The withdrawals are mostly on there way out. I am still dealing with some body aches (arms and legs) and weird sleep patterns, but otherwise I am doing okay. I have been trying to stay positive during my recovery, but tomorrow I have an insanely difficult and demanding phone interview with a great company. Basically, it is my dream job, and while I want to be confident going in, I am finding it difficult, because my addiction has, in my mind, ruined it for me. I should have been studying like a maniac the past month, but I have not been at all because I have been making attempts to quit oxy and going through withdrawls. I am depressed about how I effed up this opportunity for myself.

[atthebeach]

you gave it the best shot you could. interviews help prepare us for the next opportunity that comes along. keep on preparing and keep looking for the next opportunity they will come. I am glad you are coming to terms with it.


you need to set yourself up for the best chances of not relapsing. that would mean staying away from places where you know there will be drugs.
also drinking many times leads people back to their drug of choice as their inhibitions are lower and many times drinking is a trigger.

I know it is super bowl weekend, but maybe you should skip the parties this year. go to a alcohol and drug free party. do you know of any?

congrats on your clean time. you are very early into your recovery and need to safeguard yourself.
I hope and pray you make the right decisions.
continued healing,
Debbie

[jugglin]

Sorry to hear about the job...I want to say that now just wasn't the time, but I know that won't help at all.:(  I get it...
I had to turn down many social engagements when I was first into my sobriety...parties that I knew would not be a good place for me to be.  Too many triggers.  Any way you would consider chilling at home for the game?  Not a good idea to put yourself right back on the playground.
Just a thought.

[fordfanatic]

Well, just an update, I did not get the opportunity to move on to the next round. Got notice from the recruiter at the company yesterday. Made me really upset last night, but I am coming to terms with everything. People literally spend years preparing for a company like this, and I did not prepare at all because of the crap I have been going through. It is upsetting, but it happens. Key for me is to not go back to using this weeked. Weekends are always hard for me and with the super bowl coming I know the pills will be available at the party I might end up at.

[nvvicaddict]

That is great news and it is hard to have to get through some things without the pills, but you DID it and you'll do it again ;) Just keep posting on here and find a meeting to go to.  

[jugglin]

Ditto Debbie - been hoping to hear from you and to hear such great news. You did it.  You made it thru, sober...NO PILLS.  You should be really proud of yourself!

[tramuser99]

Congrats man, I know first hand how hard it is to resist the urge to take some pills in order to find motivation.  I too am on the tail-end of my detox and am back at work trying to act normal and engaging.  It takes awhile but you are doing things right.  At this point it really does get easier every day that passes.

[fordfanatic]

Thanks Debbie!

[atthebeach]

awesome news. I have been looking for an update.
deep and cleansing breathes are a good thing.
yes learning to live life on its terms, the good and the bad.
as you encounter each day clean you will continue to build your confidence and be dealing with life without pills.
you are doing wonderful.
you are moving forward.
you are healing and being restored.
praying for you,
Debbie

[fordfanatic]

Thank you for the kind words of motivation. I took some deep breaths before the phone call and answered all questions confidently and did my best to demonstrate my knowledge during the live coding portion (yikes). Overall, it went well! It may have not been perfect, but hey, thats life. This was a major milestone for me. Learning to feel confident and deal with a majorly stressful situation without resorting to my pills. Thanks again so much! This really is a great community.

[gnarly_1]

Hey dude  as addicts we always replay the worst senerio over and over in our heads as for the interview most companys know your nervos about it and usually set up a second interview so you just got to ''fake it to you make it''  just give it your best shot and if it is ment to be it will all work out  most who try N/A will find that your relived that your not alone in this the people will understand what your going threw  for me I felt like I finely found my way to somewhere that could help keep pushing forward get to a meeting and let us know how that goes and let us know about the job.....Gnarly

[refills]

Congrats and Good Luck with the interview. After care is so important in ones recovery. You're well on your way. Going to counseling is a great form of after care. There really is no set way of getting care. Most addicts do well with people who have or are going through the same experience. NA/AA are a wonderful way to find forever happiness. The mere thought of this being a life long struggle sometimes is a lot to digest. This is one of the bigger problems in recovery I have had. We can't let our minds put these evil thoughts in our heads. Lets roll with a better life. Good Luck ford. Life is good today.....ike

[fordfanatic]

Thank you so much. Yes, I know, definitely easier said than done. One minute I feel fine, the next I feel depressed and disappointed in myself... can't wait to just completely be myself again. I do feel a weight lifted off not having to lie to my girlfriend anymore, but she is sometimes making things even harder for me. This is just not generally a good time for, as you all know and understand. I am going to try and be as positive as I can going into the interview, and just demonstrate what I do know. I need to keep reminding myself that the worst that can happen is them saying no, I didn't get the job. I have always had issues dealing with stress, which is part of the reason why I resorted to pills to solve my problems. I am going to try and say the positive affirmations! Thank you again.

[fordfanatic]

Thanks! I plan to get myself in an NA meeting soon! Anything that is supposed to help with this I am okay with. I will let you know how the interview goes. I will post tonight.

[fordfanatic]

Yes, I have been speaking with a psychologist, but plan to attend my first NA meeting next week or this weekend. You are so right. I wish I could fast forward time. Dealing with the mental aspect of this is very tough. I have been using the drug for years, but it was only the past year that things spiraled out of control, leading me to where I am now. I like to think I could have stopped when I wasn't using nearly as much, but who knows, I kept on going back to it and never even tried to stop because I thought it was okay to use every now and then.

[fordfanatic]

Thanks for the positive and kind words. God knows I need them right now. I have been back to my counselor a couple of times. So far I have seen her 3 times, and today will be the fourth time. It has definitely helped, but I know I need to get to an NA meeting as well.

I just need to step out of it and get some confidence in me. My addiction has really messed with any confidence I used to have. Sometimes it is like I feel powerless without the drug to lean on. Definitely a false sense of security.

[jugglin]

Yes, the brain takes awhile to heal.  You are doing such a great job.  Your emotions are gonna be up and down for awhile. I know easier said than done, but try and distract your brain and say positive affirmations regarding your interview...stressing isn't gonna get you anywhere.  You have come clean to your gf, you have gone thru the worst of the physical WD's...you have proven that you are stronger than you imagined. Focus on your aftercare and your life will fall into place - the journey you were meant to walk.
You are doing such an amazing job - keep moving forward!
GOOD LUCK!

[Cricketk92]

Good morning!  Congrats on Day 9!  Debbie and jifmoc are right!  You are still detoxing and healing so be patient with yourself!  The emotional roller coaster will get better and if you get into aftercare it really will help with it!!!  Good luck with the interview and let us know how it goes!!!  Keep hanging in there!!!

[jifmoc]

Hey Ford- I second Debbie's question. Have you started aftercare yet?

P,S- You are not gonna feel "sane/normal" after 9 days. You are still detoxing and will be for 30 days or more. The mental take months if not a year. So, please don't expect miracles at 9 days. Remember: you've been using for how many years? Can't expect to feel confident at 9 days. You're brain needs time to adjust.

[atthebeach]

Hun congrats and kudos on your clean time.
Yes as you stay clean your life will get back on track.

Please be  positive  about your interview.
Take some deep breathes before your call and do the best you can.
You are very bright, you are young, I am sure you will do fine.
Have confidence in yourself. The pills gave you a false sense of security.
Believe you will do great. You probably know more than you give
Yourself credit for.

Have you been back to your counselor?
Have you a attended any meetings?

Keep the faith,
Sending encouragement and support,
Prayers for your peace and interview,
Debbie