Aa
Feeling sick(mentally) since detoxing?
I'm pretty sure I'm not alone on this but I can't seem to get past it...
While using, I didn't feel sick. I knew at the later stages while I was taking 15-20 Norco a day that it had become a problem but I thought of it as a different problem in that it was "just" pills. I wasn't shooting coke or meth.
While I do realize now that an addiction is an addiction, I'm still struggling w/ the fact that I wasn't doing something as bad as others were.
I attended NA the first week of my detox and got to the point where everytime I left a mtg, I felt like I needed to go home and take a shower. I needed to get away from those ppl. How could anyone put a needle in their arm. How could anyone sell themselves to get their next fix.
What is going on w/ my thinking here and how do I get past these feelings?
While using, I didn't feel sick. I knew at the later stages while I was taking 15-20 Norco a day that it had become a problem but I thought of it as a different problem in that it was "just" pills. I wasn't shooting coke or meth.
While I do realize now that an addiction is an addiction, I'm still struggling w/ the fact that I wasn't doing something as bad as others were.
I attended NA the first week of my detox and got to the point where everytime I left a mtg, I felt like I needed to go home and take a shower. I needed to get away from those ppl. How could anyone put a needle in their arm. How could anyone sell themselves to get their next fix.
What is going on w/ my thinking here and how do I get past these feelings?
i'm not going to come on this post and read too far into your words. that's not what the forum is for the last time i checked. :)
whether i used needles or not, which i didn't. i know what you're talking about. it's all a part of the process and learning that an addiction is an addiction. whether you're addicted to sex or sticking needles in your arm - it's an addiction.
like the above poster stated, it's chasing a dragon.
once you get to attend more of the meetings, you're going to see that a lot of these people are everyday people. yes, there may be one or two that don't fit into the same category as you do - but they're all there for the same reason, and that is to get the help and support that they need. unbiased support, at that. you'd be amazed at how much it would mean to one of the members that attend your meetings if you just said hello, or shared your story privately with them.
my grandfather used to always tell me: you never know what a person is going through until you walk a mile in their shoes.
i think that's one of the biggest statements one could choose to live by these days. but keep your head up and know that it does get better. <333
whether i used needles or not, which i didn't. i know what you're talking about. it's all a part of the process and learning that an addiction is an addiction. whether you're addicted to sex or sticking needles in your arm - it's an addiction.
like the above poster stated, it's chasing a dragon.
once you get to attend more of the meetings, you're going to see that a lot of these people are everyday people. yes, there may be one or two that don't fit into the same category as you do - but they're all there for the same reason, and that is to get the help and support that they need. unbiased support, at that. you'd be amazed at how much it would mean to one of the members that attend your meetings if you just said hello, or shared your story privately with them.
my grandfather used to always tell me: you never know what a person is going through until you walk a mile in their shoes.
i think that's one of the biggest statements one could choose to live by these days. but keep your head up and know that it does get better. <333
So sorry to hear about your late husband Script. We all have our reasons for starting, and we all have heartache and things in our life that tend to pile up and we use pills or any other drug as an escape. I was taking 10-15 Norco a day and not even catching a buzz. just chasing the dragon.
Seems to me it makes no difference how you get the crap into your system (ruling out the additional general health risks when using a needle); you've used and abused, like most of us on this site. I used to think the same way, but towards the end of my pill taking, I was becoming impatient - waiting for 45 minutes for the meds to kick in after taking them was no longer acceptable. I started thinking about a faster delivery system...Who knows where that would have led. Scares the ..... out of me.
I have to say when it came time to leave my pilltaking behind if I would have been able to trade addictions I would have took meth and/or coke in a heartbeat because they are way way easier to kick than opiates.And I wonder how a "common junky with no toys or cars or houses would feel about himself reading this
Thanks to those of you who understand my trying to sort all these thoughts.
This has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. I lost my husband almost 2 years ago to Leukemia at the age of just 32 and I thought that was the hardest thing I would ever have to endure but really, this has proven to have messed with my mind more than that.
I have many motivations to getting clean, first and foremost, my 1 yr old but I keep reminding myself of the pain and agony my late husband endured for 4 months, fighting for his life. I can do this!
This has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. I lost my husband almost 2 years ago to Leukemia at the age of just 32 and I thought that was the hardest thing I would ever have to endure but really, this has proven to have messed with my mind more than that.
I have many motivations to getting clean, first and foremost, my 1 yr old but I keep reminding myself of the pain and agony my late husband endured for 4 months, fighting for his life. I can do this!
I don't think anybody is going to take offense because you are being honest. You aren't bashing anyone, you are trying to figure out where your thoughts are coming and people should respect that. It's a great step to get back on the right track.
The comments above where outstanding. We all progress in our addiction and most start out the same way you did. An injury leads to pills which later turns into addiction. Fortunately we caught onto our addiction before we ended up progressing further. If we didn't the chances are very high that we wouldn't have stopped with just pills. I never in my life thought I would become addicted to anything. After taking them for pain for year I had surgery. The pain went away and I just stopped taking them. After a few days of feeling miserable (think I had a horrible flu) I finally read up on the net and found out I was having withdrawals. I had only been taking 6, 5mg vicodin a day. I was warned by others to be careful because it's all too easy to become addicted. I laughed and though, "yeah right". I'd never be one of those people taking extreme amounts everyday. Even if I wanted to, how the heck would I get them anyway? It's impossible. It would never happen to me. A year went by and and scar tissue built up so back on the pain meds I went. This time they grabbed a hold of me. Low and behold, I finally bought my first pill from a friend of a friend. It then progressed to a friend who knew a friend who knew a dealer with whom I finally met. I put myself in a position that I never thought was possible. I would go to the city to a neighborhood where I had never been before. There were times I was there a couple times a day and it's a half hour drive each way from home. There were a few times where I was offered heroin. Before that I had never even heard anyone talk about it. The only thing I had ever seen before that was pot. Luckily I turned it down. I often think of what I would have done if I was on my 2nd day of withdrawals only because I couldn't score any pills or if I couldn't have afforded the pills. It's only a matter of time before we progress even further. It can happen in a flash.
My point being is that we are no different than the next. It's not so much about how we get it in our system, it's that it's in our system and for all the wrong reasons. Just because we aren't sticking a needle in our arm doesn't mean we're living a different lifestyle. Like mentioned above, we've already sold our soul and that's more important than our body.
Let me ask you this...how do you think that someone who is not an addict looks at you? Do you think they will say, "it's just pills, she doesn't have that big of a problem"? They look at us like an addict and no different than any other addict because when it comes down to it that's exactly who we are. We are no different. Just be fortunate you caught on when you did or you wouldn't have had to ask about these thoughts. It gets to a point to where we are going to get that high no matter what it takes.
The comments above where outstanding. We all progress in our addiction and most start out the same way you did. An injury leads to pills which later turns into addiction. Fortunately we caught onto our addiction before we ended up progressing further. If we didn't the chances are very high that we wouldn't have stopped with just pills. I never in my life thought I would become addicted to anything. After taking them for pain for year I had surgery. The pain went away and I just stopped taking them. After a few days of feeling miserable (think I had a horrible flu) I finally read up on the net and found out I was having withdrawals. I had only been taking 6, 5mg vicodin a day. I was warned by others to be careful because it's all too easy to become addicted. I laughed and though, "yeah right". I'd never be one of those people taking extreme amounts everyday. Even if I wanted to, how the heck would I get them anyway? It's impossible. It would never happen to me. A year went by and and scar tissue built up so back on the pain meds I went. This time they grabbed a hold of me. Low and behold, I finally bought my first pill from a friend of a friend. It then progressed to a friend who knew a friend who knew a dealer with whom I finally met. I put myself in a position that I never thought was possible. I would go to the city to a neighborhood where I had never been before. There were times I was there a couple times a day and it's a half hour drive each way from home. There were a few times where I was offered heroin. Before that I had never even heard anyone talk about it. The only thing I had ever seen before that was pot. Luckily I turned it down. I often think of what I would have done if I was on my 2nd day of withdrawals only because I couldn't score any pills or if I couldn't have afforded the pills. It's only a matter of time before we progress even further. It can happen in a flash.
My point being is that we are no different than the next. It's not so much about how we get it in our system, it's that it's in our system and for all the wrong reasons. Just because we aren't sticking a needle in our arm doesn't mean we're living a different lifestyle. Like mentioned above, we've already sold our soul and that's more important than our body.
Let me ask you this...how do you think that someone who is not an addict looks at you? Do you think they will say, "it's just pills, she doesn't have that big of a problem"? They look at us like an addict and no different than any other addict because when it comes down to it that's exactly who we are. We are no different. Just be fortunate you caught on when you did or you wouldn't have had to ask about these thoughts. It gets to a point to where we are going to get that high no matter what it takes.
Script
I feel that we all start with a clean slate when we are born. Due to childhood issues, life issues, peer pressure, things change us. In time some of us become much worse in the hells of addiction than others. Many times, the cannot afford counseling/rehab to work out their issues.
I too, have always been very successful. Done every drug out their (except Herion) and never had a serious addiction. UNTIL THE PILLS! They are killing 1 person every 19 minutes in the US alone. The pills, especially OXY are just like herion only synthetic in form. Prescribed Herion... The pills took me down a very dark path financially and i spent upwards of $1,500 a month on them. Thank God for good jobs but I dont have a penny in savings, havent been on a vacation in years, and got to where I wasnt doing anything with my kids. I was locking myself away in my room on weekends unable to function.
I start outpatient rehab in Feb. I go in the evenings 3 times a week and I am looking forward to hearing others stories. Yes, there are some that have done some really bad things for drugs, but I look at it as I emotionally neglected my teenagers and that to me, that is as horrible as selling myself..
I feel that we all start with a clean slate when we are born. Due to childhood issues, life issues, peer pressure, things change us. In time some of us become much worse in the hells of addiction than others. Many times, the cannot afford counseling/rehab to work out their issues.
I too, have always been very successful. Done every drug out their (except Herion) and never had a serious addiction. UNTIL THE PILLS! They are killing 1 person every 19 minutes in the US alone. The pills, especially OXY are just like herion only synthetic in form. Prescribed Herion... The pills took me down a very dark path financially and i spent upwards of $1,500 a month on them. Thank God for good jobs but I dont have a penny in savings, havent been on a vacation in years, and got to where I wasnt doing anything with my kids. I was locking myself away in my room on weekends unable to function.
I start outpatient rehab in Feb. I go in the evenings 3 times a week and I am looking forward to hearing others stories. Yes, there are some that have done some really bad things for drugs, but I look at it as I emotionally neglected my teenagers and that to me, that is as horrible as selling myself..
Guess what? U r not alone so u can find answes from people who have been through it. I am faced with your reality as well. Maybe u can find a more specific group that u feel more comfortable in. Just a suggestion cuz u havent really made any firm plans either. Never been to any meeting or counselling or therapy in my life. And I don't want to but I know I had to.
Mike hit it spot on for me when he said;
I am so struggling with the fact that I am now thrown into the mix with every other type of addict.
This statement is exactly how I'm feeling.
I am so struggling with the fact that I am now thrown into the mix with every other type of addict.
This statement is exactly how I'm feeling.
I don't think anyone is offended. We are sharing our experience with you and it is the same thinking and feeling. I am glad you posted and especially glad that you are honest with what you are feeling. It is a positive step.
I'd like to weigh in.... I am on my 12th day of detox. I too was only using oxynorms everyday for a year. I never used another narcotic in my life. I am so struggling with the fact that I am now thrown into the mix with every other type of addict. I could never imagine myself putting a needle in me. Not then and not now. BUT I could also never imagine myself opening up and sniffing a medication that I had no need for. If it's about being able to support a habit then mine was costing about 400€ a month at it's peek a couple weeks ago. About $500 Ok so I could afford it but if I didn't have any more pills and it was a weekend and someone offered heroin to me or coke just to sniff also then I am scared to death of what that might have led to. So be grateful that you aren't one of "those people" just as I am sooo grateful that I caught my addiction in time.
This post was by no means intended to offend anyone.
The reason I posted it was because I want to understand the reason why I can't get over thinking this way.
Am I in denial. Probably so.
I am not categorizing anyone. I'm trying to understand.
The reason I posted it was because I want to understand the reason why I can't get over thinking this way.
Am I in denial. Probably so.
I am not categorizing anyone. I'm trying to understand.
IBKleen...well said. I too am an incredibly sucessful person, with toys and a home to show it...and have an addiction to pain pills. (Working on tapering! Going well by the way!)
I think you said that perfectly. When I analyze the times I was clean and relapsed, it was because I "knew" I was over the addiction, and could take just a few here and there for recreational purposes. I can handle a drink every now and then without wanting it every day, why is a pill different? I can handle a small toke of weed every few months without needing it every day...I always thought I was "over it" and...wait for it...my favorite excuse..."had it under control". Ha! ********...
I just accept that I am one of those people, who I too, detested, in my earlier "straightedge" years in high school...
I never understood how or why someone can do those things for drugs, until I was doing some of those things. I've never sold my body, or lost my home, kids, or anything "severe"...but I spend every day living in a mental hell hiding from my family my problem...it's more of a Hell than I care to be in...I want out...
I think you said that perfectly. When I analyze the times I was clean and relapsed, it was because I "knew" I was over the addiction, and could take just a few here and there for recreational purposes. I can handle a drink every now and then without wanting it every day, why is a pill different? I can handle a small toke of weed every few months without needing it every day...I always thought I was "over it" and...wait for it...my favorite excuse..."had it under control". Ha! ********...
I just accept that I am one of those people, who I too, detested, in my earlier "straightedge" years in high school...
I never understood how or why someone can do those things for drugs, until I was doing some of those things. I've never sold my body, or lost my home, kids, or anything "severe"...but I spend every day living in a mental hell hiding from my family my problem...it's more of a Hell than I care to be in...I want out...
I think (persaonlly) you need to accept that you are "as dirty" as "those people". My problem is "just" pills...but look at the hell we have put ourselvs through and the problems wer have caused in our own lives to get our fix. Lots of "those people" probably streted with "just pills". It's a known fact that once a pill popper is out of funds, they do the most "logical" thing in their head to stoll get high...move onto heroin. You might pay $5 for a 10mg hydrocodone pill, but you can get a whole bag of H for $5 that will provide 10x the high and several times.
It took me a long time to admit it to myself too, but an addiction is an addiction. You might not be selling you body for drugs, but what parts of yourself ARE you "selling" or giving up to get your drug? Your money? Your honesty? Your soul? Your TRUE self who might normally be loving, caring? Your peice of mind because you always thinking about pills, pills, pills? I bet your "selling" alot of yourself (just as I was) to keep your drug habit alive.
I found that acceptance brought me much more peace than trying to put myself in another category than "those people". When it comes down to it, a junkie is a junkie.
It took me a long time to admit it to myself too, but an addiction is an addiction. You might not be selling you body for drugs, but what parts of yourself ARE you "selling" or giving up to get your drug? Your money? Your honesty? Your soul? Your TRUE self who might normally be loving, caring? Your peice of mind because you always thinking about pills, pills, pills? I bet your "selling" alot of yourself (just as I was) to keep your drug habit alive.
I found that acceptance brought me much more peace than trying to put myself in another category than "those people". When it comes down to it, a junkie is a junkie.
Those people? WOW! But I have to tell you, I said the same thing until I became one of "those people". I swore I would NEVER snort anything and I swore I would NEVER stick a needle in my arm. And through all my swearing, I did those things and more. I became that junkie that I used to loathe.
I am at my best when I am at a meeting with people just like me. I come from a good family. I am college educated and had a career. I always owned my own home and bought a new car every two years. I also stuck needles in my arms. So did the people I surround myself with at meetings today.
Thinking of yourself as "different" has caused many an addict to relapse. It is your disease talking and it wants you back.
I admit that I am one of those people but today I am a good person and I do good things. As long as I continue to work on my behavior it's all good.
I am a firm believer that aftercare is a must. I don't know that one week of meetings was enough of a gauge for you but if you feel it was then find something that works for you.
Whatever you do to stay on track is fine. Keep posting and don't use no matter what.
I am at my best when I am at a meeting with people just like me. I come from a good family. I am college educated and had a career. I always owned my own home and bought a new car every two years. I also stuck needles in my arms. So did the people I surround myself with at meetings today.
Thinking of yourself as "different" has caused many an addict to relapse. It is your disease talking and it wants you back.
I admit that I am one of those people but today I am a good person and I do good things. As long as I continue to work on my behavior it's all good.
I am a firm believer that aftercare is a must. I don't know that one week of meetings was enough of a gauge for you but if you feel it was then find something that works for you.
Whatever you do to stay on track is fine. Keep posting and don't use no matter what.
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