Feelings after detoxing off methadone

[StokednSC]

After being on Methadone for 8 yrs and detoxing off of it absolutely cold turkey, I found myself harboring this insatiable craving for opiates which I finally acted on and got some methadone. I felt terrible to touch this poison again because of the withdrawals I experienced for 2 mths. I subsequently started thinking of heroin and other serious opiates. I decided to go get on Suboxone today. I am taking 16 mg per day. No withdrawals, but I don't have that euphoric feeling I experienced on Methadone. I know  this is a part of my disease, but sometimes I think to myself, If I feel happy regardless of if it's from something synthetic or from within would it be worth not having the suicidal thoughts, inability to face the outside world, or incentive to participate in anything productive.?.?.?.?.? I am a student of the Big Book and attend AA. Thank you for allowing me to express my deepest thoughts without retaliation in some mean way.

[mr.lucky66]

I generally don't like sub except for long heavy addictions and methadone. I think it may help providing you don't take to much and stay on it too long. I feel it can be a bridge back to being drug free after MMT as long as you don't switch sub for methadone which makes no sense to me. I think sub can be used effectivly as a step down drug from meth. if used correctly. There are some private detoxes that are doing just this with former MMT patients, giving them reasonable doses of sub for 6 weeks or so then using other supportive meds after, Be carefull not to let some sub doc who really doesn't know much about addiction or methadone let trade your methadone addiction for a sub addiction. all the best

[dominosarah]

Do you have a plan on how long you are going to be on the sub??  Am glad to hear you are getting aftercare.  That is really very important.

Welcome to the forum!!!!!!!!!!!!          sara

[Calamity2]

To me a opiate is an opiate. The quality of life without them, even with pain, is so much better. I hope you get clean and sober long enough to experience the real you again.
You're worth it.  God bless you !

[norelapse]

What helped me was watching the movie Garden State. The main character was on lithium and anti-depressants for like 17 years in the movie and lived his whole life in a fog, completely numb.

He finally stopped because he wanted to start FEELING again. FEELING real emotions, the pains, the good times, the lows, the highs of real life.

When he started to feel real pain again (like heartache from leaving a loved one), Natalie Portman's character said this:

"I know it hurts. That's life. If nothing else, It's life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it's sort of all we have. "


That opened my eyes. Life is not supposed to be 100% fair, happy, and good times. There will be pain and suffering, and there will be great and happy times. But if you live your life in a fog, completely numb because of opiates, you're going to miss out on all the genuinely good times of life. Sure, you may avoid the problems that give you sadness, anger, and anxiety by taking opiates....but you'll also lose that ability to genuinely smile and laugh when someone or something makes you truly happy.


Trust me, I've thought like you before. If I had a billion pills at zero cost, why can't I just constantly be on them? You'll end up living your life in a fog, with no urge to go out and do the things in life that make normal people happy.


When I was high on opiates, sure, I felt "great." But I stopped playing sports, stopped working out, stopped having sex, stopped eating, stopped playing video games etc. I didn't need activities and friends anymore, I had my pill. I finally realized that that's not the way I wanted to live my life. You could hardly call it living.



I am determined to LIVE MY LIFE now. What's in the past is behind me. I can't change that I used for so long. But I can grab life right now and ride it....and I wouldn't be able to do that while numb, foggy, and high.


Good luck my friend

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

The biggest problem with your train of thought is that sooner or later the euphoric feelings turn on you. And then you will also have suicidal ideation from stopping the methadone.  And the rest of the negative parts of the whole mess. You dont have withdrawals because sub is a super potent narcotic. Give it some more time......you already have 8 years invested.....you wont feel better overnight.  I have to sign off for right now.....PM me if you wish to chat a little about it....and Welcome to Medhelp .....its great site with tremendous people....you will get some decent input here.....and no one will judge you for being human.....