Is there really hope?

[amie9210]

I am new to this website and I dont really know how to reply to a specific person but Gizzy seems to understand exactly how I feel.  I feel like there is no colour, no excitement in life without drugs.  I crave the euphoria, the feeling of being excited about doing things.  When I examine myself this is truly what my addiction is all about,  tring to find a way to want to live life.  I feel like the world is so gray and that I dont have any will to live or desire to do anything and I feel this way all the time.  How can I get over this?

[mimi1313]

I know exactly how you feel with the pills being best friend/worst enemy. And being so out of it. It does get better and I am getting back to being myself but its hard.

This was my wake up call that I was not the fun happy person on drugs I thought I was. A coworker kept telling me I wasn't my usual self, I used to smile more. Then slowly as I started coming out of my fog, I was just joking around with him one day like I used to and he asked if I was on drugs. The real me is happy and jokes around and he didn't recognize that becasue he hadn't seen it in 5 months. I didn't know to be happy or sad about that.

[liscamdave]

I am a long time addict, almost 4 years taking Oxy Contin. I let them destroy my life in every way possible. I lost my husband to them, spent all the money I had, became an entirely different person altogether. I know that every time I would try to get clean, I would fear that nothing would ever be exciting to me anymore. I was never motivated without the pills. I hated thinking about "normal life". And just wanted to do pills forever. But the reality is that is impossible and prior to the drug you were naturally happy. And didn't need the pills. You will find that with the more clean time under your belt, the more you will be able to love life and all things in life. You are very capable of doing that, you just have to want it. And it gets easier and easier.

Good luck to you.

Lisa

[3grlz'mom]

OMG you guys I feel like God just put you all in my life at the right time.  Have never felt so alone in all my life - same feelings as all of you have, very very very gray - thank God I have daughters or I wouldn't see any value in my life at all right now.  Anyone else would think I am nuts - so much to offer - but I am in this mess of feeling like these pills are my best friend/worst enemy....Have disconnected with nearly everyone I know.  I am divorced and alone half of the time - joint custody - girls are with their dad every other week so I am a mess most of the time.  Need to start a new job soon, too - must be on my toes  - need to present myself to PhD.s, college board, etc and feel like I am mentally about 5 years old right now.  No one in my life gets it - my dad is fabulous but my mom is from another planet and keeps telling me I need to change my attitude and everything will be better.  As if....

[PMOOMMP]

For me to even be 25% human it is taking: Clonidine patch perscribed by doctor for withdrawl sysmtoms, B-12 liquid for energy, B-complex pill also energy, ensure, slim fast, ice cream"Bryers Chocolate Chip Mint", Immodium AD a must, Fiber tablets, centrum, Vitamin E,C, also Doc gave me some Lunesta to help w/ sleep but so far thats not working so well.  For the most part I have to constantly try to think positively and with this group forum and all our kind within it I truly believe you me and all the rest of us can do this. I hope your rainbow will appear for you soon.....PMOOMMP

[mimi1313]

Sorry, I meant that to Amie not Terri.

[mimi1313]

Hi, Welcome to the forum.

I don't think you realize how much the drugs make you a different person. Once you are off of them, you'll start seeing the person you used to be. Why did you start using in the first place, recreation or pain? I just know while I was using drugs a lot of people told me how different I was. And not in a good way. It felt like I was happy but people thought I was unhappy.

[Terri65]

You seem like you really want to stop.  Do not take anymore pills after that one.  That is it.  We can go through this together. I know how you feel..I just forced myself into a shower.  Now I have to force myself to the store to get food so I can feed my daughter later.  WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER.  

[gizzy32]

first of all, welcome to the forum, this place has helped me stay clean and you will get a lot of support here. im happy to hear you want this. i was terrified to get clean, i didn't understand how i could be happy without the high and euphoria. how would i be able to go out and function without drugs. it's takes awhile to heal, but i promise you will be happy again. drugs are a fake high, life is a real high and better than any drug, it just took me years to figure that out. i wish you the best of luck and stick around here.

[amie9210]

I am so grateful that I found this website.  I have to go to "orientation" at my new job today.  I have 1 more pill left and I think I'm gonna just take it then bite the bullet.  I have to force myself to go shower and do some things for this new job.  I will be coming back to this website and please feel free to email me at ***@****.  Maybe we can help each other through this. I only found this wbsite yesterday and I cant believe how much support I have found from the people on this forum.  They are great!  I just dont know how to navigate through it very well yet. My plan is to tell my new boss that I can start working next Wednesday and detox from the pills over the next 5 days.  I have to do this and I want to do this.  I am sooo tired of trying to find the lortabs and constantly worrying about when they run out.  I am currently taking Cymbalta, Ambien and I have Celebrex but it doesnt seem to help at all.  Even the Ambien doesnt really help because I have tried sleeping with and without it and the results are the same, severe body, muscle aches wake me up all night, not to mention "drug" dreams which leave me craving upon awakening.  I was thinking of trying the Thomas recipe.  

[bobby139]

You have to remember why we started taking the drugs in the first place....If we were happy with our lives then why did we do the drugs!!
I to think how is life going to be any good without the pills, how do i talk to people, relax or just have fun without being high,...but I am almost there and the closer i get the more excited I get to start my life agian>
Hang in there, really it;s your mind playing games with you trying to make you come up with any reason why you should do the drugs..Be strong and listen to your heart and keep talking to the people here, I couldn't of done what i have so far without them.. One of them that is just an angle has already answered you, Cathy5841, she can help you big time!!  You can do this!!!!!

[cathy5841]

the best way is to get off the drugs.....i can honestly say that as long as i did the drugs life always seemed to be dull and quiiet frankly not much worth living.  but when i got clean and the fog began to clear i could see rays of sunshine.  and now with over 3 months clean i truly love life.  i get up happy and for the most part i stay that way.  not trying to say every thing is always a bed of roses, but life is worht living.  i find joy in the little things....i am really content....I LOVE MY LIFE and i am thankful for it.   my euphoria  comes from looking into the eyes of my hubby and my grandbaby and FEELING their love for me.  my happiness comes from knowing i can help others in their fight.  happiness is possible, you just have to be willing to pay the price.  good luck to all fighting to get their life back!

[Terri65]

amie...I am only on day 2 with no hydrocodone.  First of all, are you taking meds now? What are you taking?  This forum is my life at the moment.  These people are going to help me get through the next several days.  Do not feel alone!  I have the same feelings as you...everything is gray....please keep posting.