How can to help them when they are in denial

[AudaciousLadee]

My sister is a beautiful mother of 4 and the past 2-3 years says she has constant cronic pain, and has been tested for many things but the dr can not tell her what is wrong with her. Since she has been on many pain pills...Starting with Vic's  and now currently Oxy. She also takes xanax for panic attacks. Im really concerned about her, she has went to a friendly outgoing beautiful person inside and out. And now shes moody, unhappy, doesnt care about her appearence, weight gain, sometimes you couldnt tell her apart from a homeless person...
I tried to gently bring the matter to her attention and she got defensive, stating the dr prescribes the pills to her because she needs it for pain and she doesnt abuse it. I ask you what exactly is the pain from, she cant tell me? saying the dr cant figure that out. I reccomend her seeing another dr to get to the root of the problem and she skirts the idea saying she cant afford more dr visits...wtf?? are you serious.  If I had something wrong with me, I would want to know what it is? not just take pain pills!
Oh yeah i forgot to mention that theres alot of pot smoking going on here too....
How can I help someone that doesnt want to be helped? or denies they even need help?
I feel for these kids, the 2 teens are now smoking weed  along with their parents, and the 2 younger ones are just plain NOT HAPPY...The teen girl start cutting and needs therapy, but my sister refuses beacause I think shes know what will come out in therapy... UGGGHHHH Im so confused on what to do here.
Any suggestions???

[justme555]

What you describe, staying in bed, not caring about appearance etc, isn't just a sign of abusing the pills, it can also be a sign of simply using them as directed. I should know, I used mine as directed and still had the same results. I think that is just what opiates do to you after longterm chronic use, not just abuse. The only thing that makes me wonder is the pot smoking. That makes me question if there is more going on than just using meds as directed for pain,

I'm just writing this to add another perspective, that just because someone is affected by medicine they are prescribed doesn't mean they are abusing the meds and are in denial. Those of us with chrnoic pain get used to people treating us suspicously pretty quick and sometimes what might look like denial is only defnesiveness becuase of constantly being looked at as if we are abusing pills when actually we are just in physical pain.

Can't say that is true for your sister but just wanted to offer another viewpoint.

[AudaciousLadee]

She has always been sort of a hyprocondiract...So its hard to say if theres really pain or if she is just saying there is. I know if I laid in bed all day just doing pills and smoking and not really moving around I would get stiff and have pain just from laying around so much.  Its been hard not wanting to yell at her, but I finally got up the courage to talk to her and I was really gentle and handled it with love and concren as best as I could. But as I expected she said there is no problem, that Im blowing it all out of proportion, at first she was still talking to me, then I guess sfter she thought about it for a few days now shes saying dont ever talk to me again.... Oh well I told her I was here for her if she needed me and that I was just concerned for her well being because I love her.  My sister has always been a bit of a loose cannon in our family and no one else will join me in confronting her, because they are all afraid of her. My parents agree with me about her problem, but My mother has always caudled her...My brother and her no longer talk so hes no help, He has his own addictions and Ive pretty much lost him to it l alongtime ago. I took her daughter out for dinner over the weekend and tried to talk to her about her cutting issues and maybe seeing a therapist, but overall her moms in charge of setting that up. And I dont really see her flowwing up on anything much less that. When she cant even get herself out of bed most days, Its one thing to see a loved one destroy themselves like shes doing, but its totally unfair that shes making her kids witness this daily I can only imagine how ****** up there are or are going to be.....thats really where my pain lies is with her kids....

[Cheesburger79]

  One more thing-is she a bit hypochondriac? I am, bad. That might be why shes 'avoiding' getting to the root of her actual pain-she may be plain terrified that it's something really scary.
   Again Im no expert-just a friend offering you my 2 cents.
   Stay persistent in talking gently, and see if you can't get another close friend or family member involved in helping you? Just a thought. All the best, Lori.

[Cheesburger79]

  Hi there-
    This is a tough one. I'm on the side of addiction myself right now, but I grew up in a family of addicts and my ex fiance had a seizure from detox after abusing xanax. I myself am currently detoxing off 15 pills a day of vicoden. But I know what it is to care about someone and try to encourage, and sometimes force, change.(I know, on a level your probably pretty mad among everything else).
   Heres the best thing you can do-be kind to your sister, have compassion no matter how bad you might just wanna yell at her or slap sense into her.
   Addicts have to ultimately make the descion to get clean on they're own. Hopefully, like me and so many others on this forum, she'll reach a point where she simply doesn't want to live in that kind of haze anymore, and will want to get it together for herself and her family. ----Trying to pound something into the head of someone in denial often backfires.
   You can speak to her, but always with love and concern. You can mention the changes you've seen in her(and I know what state she's in, so many of us let so much fall to the side when were on these things, appearance is one of the first things you stop worrying about when the $hit really starts to run us), you can mention her children----and in this case, depending on your judgement, I don't know--maybe offer to help with the kids if shes willing to clean it up. Your right about the teen girl too, she has got to talk to a professional-your sister shouldn't freak out about that, I belive paitent confidentiality would keep things between your neice and her therapist. Maybe look into that because I'm not sure.
   Again, just keep talking to her, but handle it with kid gloves I guess. Make her aware of the danger in what she's doing-but don't "scold" or come accross like your better--that will just stress her out and make her escape deeper into drugs.
   I'm not a doc(and maybe you could suggest she talks to a counseler too-it's done me a world of good), I'm just someone whose trying to get out of the shoes she's in.
   One reason I decided to make the break from this poison though, is because my ex-fiance got clean, and is a good support system for me now. He never got high and mighty with me, he just said that I clean up or he can't be around me much, and that it was all out of love.
   I wish you and your whole family the very best. I hope she tires of this life soon.
   Lots of Love and Luck to you all-Lori