My Experience and My Sobriety

[Laura7788]

I started out doing oxy because I felt amazing, it was fun, it was acceptable (in fact normal amongst my friends), easy to hide (sort of...), and I didn't have to deal or think about anything else when I was on it. This carelessness led to a 3 year addiction starting when I was 16. Now I'm 19 and in my 2nd year of college. This period of time, I think, was critical for me to learn how to become an adult, how to be responsible, and how to make good decisions for my life. Oxy abruptly stopped and actually reversed this development. I was in denial about my addiction for a while, but the worst was when I was honest about my addiction...and I couldn't quit for the life of me. No matter how bad things got or how badly I wanted it out of my life. You all know this feeling so fast forward...I went to my parents first and can't express how much their support and understanding gave me enough strength to kick this. I checked into rehab which for me, was an oasis of people who gave me advice, friendship, and understood EXACTLY what I was feeling and why. I got suboxone from my doctor which, although I was skeptical at first, helped my tremendously...It was so weird to not have cravings anymore! I AM 20 DAYS SOBER and don't plan on ending the streak. I of course quit seeking it out but I'm especially amazed that I don't want it anymore. And I've had plenty of opportunities to do it again (People don't seem to understand what it means to be clean. They keep calling and calling and calling...). Things aren't where I want them to be yet though. I wasn't expecting the depression and confusion that followed. I'm learning all the things I was supposed to learn in a span of 3 years RIGHT NOW and its overwhelming. I'm learning how to cope with problems and uninvited emotions that arise, and how to love myself. OxyContin gave me a mask of happiness and confidence. I didn't realize the toll it was really taking on my self-esteem and real happiness. Good news though: Everytime I go through any "troubles" and don't use, my confidence raises. In fact, every day I don't use period gives me more confidence. So I'm being patient for now and focusing on what I have accomplished and how I can change what I want to change. I'm not a Christian (or atheist) but I say the serentity prayer every morning...

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I wish you all luck in your sobriety. It was the best thing I ever did for myself and I'm grateful to be happy, healthy, and alive. Life has a lot of wonderful experiences and feelings to offer.

[Laura7788]

Doing oxy while your on suboxone (which lasts 24 hrs) is not dangerous. However, it WILL NOT work no matter who you are or how badly you want to use! Suboxone fits in your opiate receptors (a little differently than oxy but they are still the same receptors) so oxy literally has no where to go. I have even heard some people say they actually started withdrawing when they tried to use both. I certainly don't want you to use but frankly, you will waste your money if you try doing both. The great thing about sub though is that if you take enough (the appropriate dose for YOU), you really don't crave it....And you should remember that it is a Class V narcotic (oxy is a class II). Therefore it does help with pain (head, neck, back, etc), energy (I feel so energized and great in the morning after I take it!), and cravings. Best of all, although it is slighty addictive, it is not euphoric and does not get you high. And yes, I said best of all!

[goldenarm]

So if i took the suboxone treatment like you guys and had pain and needed to take a oxy,,would it have a dangerous effect on me???

[Flutterby111]

Wow, Laura, stay on track.  The depression hits like a Mack truck doesn't it?  I wasn't prepped for it either....I'm on day 26....If you ever want to talk, feel free to pm me.  This place is great.

[MizDemeanor]

Hi Laura,
Wow, your story rocked me, as my son is now 17. I am so happy to hear that you were able to go to your parents and get rehab, and fix your life almost before it really starts. *yes I know Im sounding like a mom but hey, Im a mom and in my 40's*
Very comendable for someone of such tender years. I know I'd never have had the self confidence or motivation to kick these demons at 19, and I'm so thankful I didnt find them then or I doubt I would be alive.
Congratulations and please keep posting. There are alot of great people here!
Peace.

[MikeWithFamily]

Hi Laura, My name is MIkeWithFamily. Your story as tough as it sounds, was well illustrated and I could certainly relate to your feelings of confidence, loving oneself and the mask it represented itself in by providing happiness and confidence....its amazing how that stuff tricks the hell out of you. You experience something totally different from what it is actually doing to you. Tricky stuff. Anyway, I wanted to congratulate you and share with you that I too am on Suboxone about a month now and doing fantastic. The Sub give me the chance to develop healthier habits and a more positive lifestyle. I am learning to incorporate those healther habits into my everyday lifestyle and its not only keeping me busy while being clean, its making me realize how much life I missed out on while I was hight for the past 2 1/2 years. I had a bit of trouble over this past weekend. My wife (just like me) suffers from MIgraines and she had one yesterday so sever that I had to take her into emergency for shots. I used to love going in for dialuda shots and stuff so it was rather upsetting to have to go there yesterday. I had urges and resentment toward my wife because she was getting the chance to experience what I used to experience all the time....then, while thinking about it, a thought crossed my mind and that was - if I was to cheat now, then whos to say that when I say I will never do it again, that I won't???? I mean, its now or never as far as I"m concerned. I can't cheat...I cannot reationalize it by saying..."just one time,is not going to hurt"..because YES it can. I have an addictive personality and I know that all it takes is ONE TIME and I'll be right back on it after about one week. My point is, if/when you ever have temptations, try to remember that NOW is the time to quit for good. Do not give in to those urges. Stay clean and find something to keip you active. The urge will pass.
I wish you the best of luck Laura. I"m proud to hear of your success and hope you continue to do well.Please keep posting. This site is wonderful and give syou great praise when you earn it and wonderful support when you need it.
MikeWithFamily

[cathy5841]

laura, what a great post...you are doing so well, stick around  you can teach us some things and in the process maybe learn something new.  thanks again for the post.
cathy

[toxictome]

Welcome to the forum. Congratulations on 20 days!!! You have given yourself a new lease on life. I know you may be feeling overwhelmed, but just take it one day at a time!!!
What courage to change. YOU should be proud of yourself!!!
Keep posting!!

[Firefaery1023]

Congratulations of your 20 days of sobriety.  You will find a lot of helpful people of this site.  Whenever you think of using log on.  Also post any advice that you have for other people, we are all in this together.