2 days clean today!

[hydro_fool]

I made it through yesterday without taking ANY tram.  I tapered for a week and it was very aggressive.  I went from 7 tabs per day 8 days ago and started cutting a full pill per day from my regiment.  It was tough but so many of you gave me the motivation to push through.  THANK YOU!   In a few hours I will have made it 2 days with nothing!.  I know I will make it as I did NOT bring any with me to work!  Screw you Tram!  LOL    I have no desire to take them any longer so I guess that makes the motivation even stronger. I am soooooo DONE!  The only reason I kept taking them during the week was to ease the WD symptoms and minimize the depression and anxiety that that cause.  (my doc is very happy with my progress and fully supportive)  It was such a good feeling to actually tell him my addiction and get it off my back!  If others can read this and do the same it is a big help in getting your life back and feeling better again.  (imo)    It funny.  I can now actually look at the prescription bottle on the counter and not worry about having it with me at all times.  It is becoming invisible and not in my thoughts.  I guess that is part of reaching bottom and finally saying enough is enough and no more?  I am done with this crap!   I have been an addict on and off for most of my 50 year life.  It was marijuana,hash,lsd,opium,alcohol and such as a teen and early 20's.  Then it launched into Cocaine for the next 10 years after that.  I went to a full treatment center and halfway house after that and was clean and sober for 6 years.  A year long slip with Alcohol and then I stayed clean again for another 10 years before going on a 2 year long Cocaine binge that took everything.  House, business, cars etc.  I lost everything as I was spending $900 per 3 day binge to stay on the drug.  I would stay out/up for 3 days and then crash for 3.  Then start again and do the same.  Over and over and over again for 2 years till everything (and I mean everything) was gone.  My own business gone!  My marriage over!  My car repossessed!  Arrested at the very end for writing a bad check!  My only blessing is the day I got pulled over and arrested was ONE of the rare days I did not have anything on me.  Sooooo lucky.  I got clean after that for 6 years but had a couple of knee surgeries that introduced me to Opiates.  I soon found out that the opiates are far more difficult than EVERYTHING I had experienced over my entire lifetime.  Tramadol was a more recent mistake that I was told was NON ADDICTIVE!   That was the furthest thing from the truth.  Anyway.... hopefully someone will read this and take note.  Many on here are in their 20's and I hope they read posts like this and others and see what a life of drug use/abuse (legal or non) has to offer.  What does it have to offer????   MISERY!  LOSS!  SADNESS!  JAIL! and god forbid... DEATH!   I was close to the later on several occasions.   Please stay strong everyone!   One day at a time.   Listen and learn from those who have gone before you as I have also done.  Sometimes we dont listen as clearly as we should, but we cant forget the words we have heard and read.  They will stick with us during ALL times in our lives.    This IS my last go-round with drugs of any kind!  Plain and simple!   Please..... Please hear what I am saying to those in need and especially to the younger members.   Don't make life a struggle as I have have done.  Enjoy it CLEAN and clear eyed!   It is so much better clean and sober!   Trust me.....   I have enough experience to know each side.   God bless all of you for your kind words, support, guidance and more!  You are an amazing group and help so many others!  Bravo!

[Overwhelmed10]

What an awesome and passionate post!  Thanks for sharing, I'm always looking on here and reading people's experiences, and it helps me more than you know! Congrats!

[clean_in_ks]

So HAPPY for you!!!!   You obviously know what it takes to STAY clean and have a plan for your ongoing recovery.

I was so jazzed as I read down your thread and saw "how" you eliminated the trams from your presence!!!  Great job!

I have never regretted it for even one second that I got ALL my pills out of my house and cut off all my sources.  My feeling is "we don't need a safety net or a "back up plan" if we are TRULY done!!

You Rock~

[ImDONENoMore]

Thank you girl!!  I appreciate your "bumping" this up.  I did realize, after the fact, that this post was made.  And I could NOT be happier to read this.  Hydro, you rock.  You just DO.

[FourJays]

Hydro - thought I'd "BUMP" this up; it had gone on to the second page....and I don't think ImDONE or Kyle had a chance to see this!

[vicki595]

So...how do you REALLY feel?  LOL.   Good for you on those days tram free...

I think it's important for everyone to hear/read about your experience. Tramadol is one of the more insidious drugs, I think. It just grabs you and it's been touted as such a benign little pain killer. It really changes brain chemicals in a big way! And you're one of many, many people who've fallen victim...

I'm glad you're feeling better!

[FourJays]

Wow!  That is great to hear....showed those pills whose boss!  I love it!  Even though you are feeling good right now, you just never know; in a moment of weakness they could have (probably would have) called out to you.  Tramadol is really, really evil in that way.  Great advice from ImDONE, and very smart of you for making the choice to DO IT!  Congratulations....so happy for you!

[hydro_fool]

I soaked them in a wet paper towel last night and threw them in the garbage.  My wife watched me do it and they are all destroyed.  I had NO fear of them on the counter..... NO desire to take them since my WD's had subsided etc.  I made up the decision in my mind to NEVER touch them again so it did not matter how many...where....etc.   But to be safe.....   I took your advice and threw them away.  Thanks for your concern, guidance and support.

[ImDONENoMore]

Correction:  from one RECOVERING tram addict to another.  :)

[ImDONENoMore]

I am so happy to read this!!  But I have to mention the pink elephant... WHY do you still have these pills in your possession?  Our history of addiction has to be a warning that we can NOT be around our DOC and believe me, we get excited early on when we're doing well, but we can not let our guard down.  EVER.   Please, hydro, for your sake and continued well being, please PLEASE get rid of them.  And now.

Hope I'm not coming across as a wet blanket, because as I said, I really am happy to hear this.  Just looking out for you (from one tram addict to another).  :)

[selfinduced]

WOW Hydro,  Such a phenomenal post! You've come so far and experienced so much. Too think you NEVER have to go thru another detox again......HOW AMAZING IT THAT? Hope you stick around and pull the rest of us up with your wise words. So very happy for you.

[OpenMind24hours]

Great post Hydro_,

It sounds like you've stayed clean for a long time by going to meetings or some other form of aftercare?? I stayed clean for many years by going to meetings, blew out my back and quickly got hooked on pain meeds. And then ALL my old drugs came back out again, lined up on the coffee table.  I'm now clean 7 months from a 2-year binge.

I've found that keeping my mind positive and in the present has been difficult. Sometime during the day, every day, I dwell on the past; what it was like and what it's like now. So, I'm back to my meetings (got one I'm going to n 45 min.) and I'm working on letting go of the past. I'm doing the NA 4th step from the step workbook with 6 others from my home group. It's that past that creeps up and bites us in the A- - in the form of our addiction. After coming back after multiple years of being clean and then going back out, I have some work to do. I want enjoy being free and clean without anything causing me any more grief.   If you can identify with any of this, let me know. I'd love to communicate with you on the subject.

Again, great post! It will really help others on here know how bad things can get in too short of a time - Jails, institutions and death are the bitter end of the line for addiction.

[ariley13]

Very inspiring! It does feel so wonderful to be able to do things without reaching for a stupid pill. Enjoy your freedom!

[FourJays]

Congrats on being done with it all!  Great job....you have been through so much and come a long way.  Thanks for the positive and inspiring post.  Love it...especially the "Screw You Tram" part!  So happy for you to get your life back and start over....!

[Jbean77]

Great job hydro_fool!

[toothfairie]

congrats on 2 days!!  that's great!....sounds like you've come and long way....up the road and back down again....thank you for posting this...it will surely help the new comers and me and well...congrats again!!