Shame

[scoenen]

I got to day 11 (off Fentanyl and percs) but relapsed.  I couldn't stand the lack of energy and nerves and ended up using my back pain to justify taking some pills- not fentanyl thank goodness.  God, I feel like such a failure.  I no longer have access to anything- gave them to my Mom and told her to get rid of them.  This has got to be the hardest thing I have ever done.  I just wish I was stronger.  Tomorrow I start again.  Not looking forward to it.  

How does this small little pill take such contol over my actions?  

[scoenen]

My back does hurt and I have legit pain but I found after the 7th day off Fent and percs that the pain had actually decreased.  I could handle it.  It wasn't fun but it was doable.  I also noticed that after my slip that my pain increased 30% between doses.  Kinda makes you think-  Has all the rehab and exercised and chiropratic appts I have done over the last 6 months actually made my back feel better and I just don't know it because of the drugs?  

[freenclean]

hey brother your not a failure ive been there more times than i can count  and i can sure relate to back pain crushed L-2 and L-3 every day is another day to wish i would just die and get it over with its a tuff battle to get free they say it can be done im still workin on it good luck with your battle i will pray for you take care Free...

[scoenen]

I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday.  You know, if I have to deal with the nerves or the lack of energy I would have dealt with it better but the combination was enough to almost break me.  Well,  i guess it did, but not tomorrow.  I have to be ready for it and be prepared.  'llI keep trying until I get it right- really, what other choice do I have-  the life I am living right now stinks.  

[jyv]

My husband said "do me a favor, take one--get some relief"   Its day 12. I don't want to feel a failure I think that it             is a medicl decision we have to make. continuing on in a different format, less strict--more loving.  My husband loves me, he sees the suffering but he sees the need to w/d-paerhaps more slowy.  Think it over, I am thinking it over. with care and concern, jyv

[tiggz1977]

ya I hear ya sneaky lil guys aren't they? I'm glad you decided to stop. make sure you tell your doctor about your problem so you can get the good help you need! keep in touch!

God bless