Hey man, Congratulations on getting this far. For most people the worst days are days 3-4 and then things are downhill after that as far as the physical wd's.
how long have u been using? Congrats on day 2 usually day 2 and 3 are the hardest. I've been a long time user over 2 years was taking up to 30+ a day of hydros's 10mg. I'm clean now 2wks and just now starting to get more energy and the foggy head is gone. It was rough with several attempts to quit. The best thing you can do is cancel the script you have waiting for you. I know how tempting it can be knowing you have pills available for pick up and if you don't cancel the script you will pick it up and start all over. Now that you have 2 days clean it is important to get yourself in some kind of aftercare (NAor AA) keep posting on this site and let us know how your doing.
Congrats on day 2. I will admit, I chuckled at your first paragraph. Haven't we all had those post-apocolyptic fantasies (first place I'm heading - CVS).
So, day 2 and your on the upswing. That is great. A lot of this is mental. That is not to take anything away from the physical he11 that withdrawal is, BUT with the right mental attitude - it can be a lot easier. No doubt the meds given to you are helping you along. I would think the biggest battle ahead will just be to stay clean and positive. Keep working your recovery. We can start out totally positve and swear to the hills we will never ever use again (and mean it!) but that can easily turn into 'hmm just one wont hurt.' It's really important to continue the fight, even when you think the fight is over. Aftercare is key. Try things that might work for you. Therapy, church groups and counseling, NA/AA, some kind of aftecare. Best of luck to you and keep posting!
Ps - totally agree with the above that you should cancel that script. It will take a huge burden off.
Just got back from CDRP, you know, they wanted to check on what I had left, the valium was the only one empty -- I'm going to throw a fit if that ones addictive too! It does work pretty good for keeping me a tad submissive. The Nurse had the nerve to ask me if I knew where the pharmacy was ----- my car has that place on auto-pilot, I could drive there blind-folded.
Oh, to helps02 -- I've been taking it for two years, all started with a dreaded kidney stone, I've had 5 since then. And since this is anonymous, I even faked a kidney stone once so I could get more norco. Also faked a neck injury at another non-connected hospital for more Norco, but the dreaded doctor only gave me 5MG. It's kind of embarrassing to think about it in retrospect, but that Norco makes you do a lot of thing you wouldn't normally do. Then I had shoulder pain, oh goodie-goodie, another Norco moment!
I did go to the pharmacy today to pick up my withdrawal meds, and YES, the Norco (100 of 10MG) was ready for pickup too. I turned it down, told them to put it back for someone who really needs it. That's the truth and I honestly don't have anything to hide here. It actually gives me the satisfaction to know that I could if I wanted, I'm a sadist that way -- in the nicest sort of way a sadist can be. You know, sort of an empowerment that I'm stronger than some small chemical based, mind altering, potential life killer. You know, it's true -- some people do use it for very good reasons, but for some it becomes more powerful than one can expect. It starts out small and grows to something bigger, kind of small oil leak that can ruin your engine over time.
Okay, I'm rambling again. Thanks for listening. I'll post tomorrow, stay turned for day 3.
Mark
wow your story to the end hit home for me. i also found the love hate relationship with pills cause i have chronic kidney stone and has turned into a ten year addiction. I also hospital hopped and would lie to anyone that would listen to get more. i was up to taking 20 to 25 pills a day which is so scarey to see in words but true. telling the pharmacy is huge and you need to tell your doc. i cant stress enough about after care i tried many times to just stop but would always go back. NA meetings are huge, and counseling to see why you like to numb yourself. hold on the next few days might still be a little rough, but the sad part that is the easy part, not going back is where the work is needed. good luck and you will be in my prayers
Wow I just read your story and I so related. The fact that you canceled that script means a lot to me - it sounds like you are serious. I wonder if I could do that. I think I would try to justify and say "what if I REALLY have some major pain and need them...maybe I can control it this time. But no, I can't, that's why I am here. Congratulations for being an inspiration - definitely to me!
Cancelling a script is like taking away your security blanket. ilovemyrose, sit back and think for a few minutes..... you don't need to justify it, just pick up the phone and call (sorry, I can be a little bugger). Don't give yourself an excuse, you are a very smart and professonal woman and you're much more intelligent than a little pill. It's not worth it, you're much more important than an addictive chemical. You can do it, you know you can.
Thank you for the response. Since we're being honest....
I desperately want to cancel the appt. Here is the problem. Since I was using WAY more than I was allotted, I had to borrow from my mother who also takes pain meds for her knee. I do not know if she is addicted (she would say no) but she has been taking for years for debilitating pain to get through the day. She is stringent about taking no more than 4 or 5 a day (10M Lortab). I owe her like 60 pills or she will run out. If I don't go to the visit, I can't pay her back. Although I think she should cut back too, I can't make her. Should I just give her the whole script (120 pills) and tell her about my detox?
The only reason she has given me the medication is because she knows I have horrible sciatica. Since I was so vigilant about not taking pills when my dad was alive, she has no clue I started abusing. I would rather deal with my pain and be off of these stupid pills that have controlled my life!
See that rock....see that hard place...I'm right in the middle :)
Honesty is the best policy, I think we've all become accustomed to lying and it's so easy to do so. Remember, I'm not here to judge you at all. Your mom says she's not addicted, haven't we all said that? I don't know her full medical condition, so I'll apologize in advance if that comment was incorrect.
If I were you, I would call to have the pills reduced to quantity 60, and no more. You and I know exactly what would happen if you had more, right? Giving your mom more meds than what she needs is only going to set her up for failure and you having those extra ones is just going to start you all over again. It's just too easy to do. You know that, I know that. Sorry if I'm being blunt, it just seems to happen that way for whatever reason. It's like giving the rat more cheese (not calling you a rat, it's just one of those funny sayings).
Excuses are easy to come by. I've made so many, a lot of us here have made so many. From one of your previous posts, you said your family had some issues with meds, so I would keep your detox to yourself right now, it's too easy for other family members to justify your use. You know the story, it only starts from a "few" pills ---- and then downhill from there. I see that rock, I see that hard place, you just need to scoot yourself out of the way. I have a pogo stick you can borrow.
You've made it this far, it's only a couple more days. Remember those hot baths/showers. You can do it, you know you can. If you have access to a Chemical Dependency Recovery Program, they can help you with withdrawal meds and it's completely anonymous.
Please let us know how you're doing. We do care.
Mark
You're right...I will only get the 60. Hopefully by my appt next week I will still have that determination ;)
I know my mom is addicted but just not sure how she can handle without meds. Her knees are blown and she will not have surgery. I can hear bone scraping bone when she walks. I don't think she uses them as a coping mechanism though - I could be wrong.
BTW - I loved the rat comment, not offensive at all.
Throw that pogo stick to Texas!!!
Okay ladies and gents, this is just an update to my original post. Today now marks my third day without Norco and you know what, I feel pretty good. Still a little achy, but nothing too bothersome. I will say that I was completely paranoid on the first day, ever see a grown man cry over some stupid pills?
For those who are new to here, the unknown is probably the most worrisome, not knowing what's going to happen, that was me a few days ago. The worst part? The achy muscles and sleep (I love my sleep). As described in a previous post, the first night was about three hours, I can be pretty ticked off with less than 9 hours, that's just me.
Oh, did I forewarn you that I like to ramble on?
Anyhow, I just like to share my story, just because it feels good and there are others new to this site. Most of us have the same thing in common, that's why we're here, right?
So, why are you here? Tired of the lies? Tired of the many visits to the hospital to visit with any doctor that will get you want you "need"? Hiding your problems with your friends and family?
I can tell you, all of the above applied to me, but I did lead a pretty functional life. 8 10/325 Norco per day -- and any excuse to get more. I was pretty amazed to see some people here taking 30 a day. I never "doctor shopped," bought off the street, did anything illegal, but did lie to many people. I did try to cut down myself (didn't work). I could drive to the pharmacy blindfolded.
The interesting thing, the doctors know the addictions and sometimes they just keep writing scripts. I know, I know -- I'm the one to blame too, I did the lying. I can tell you that they have become more strict over the last 6-8 months, ever since the deaths of those famous stars (that's what I experienced).
You still reading?
I can say, there IS help, all you need to do is ask for it, don't be afraid. Tell your doctor that you are having a problem, trust me, they understand. Get a referral to the Chemical Dependency Program (if you have one available). To me, there is a very fine line between pain management and pain addiction. For some of us, we can't control the medication, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, only if you understand that you do have an issue. Denial is easy. Overdosing is easy. Alienating your friends and family is easy. Lying is easy. Are you prepared to watch your life spiral down? Are you ready to lose your kids, lose your wife/husband/significant other? Are you ready to lose your house and job? Now is the time to act.
Be honest with yourself, make an appointment and tell the truth, that's the most important part. It's time to stop fooling yourself. Get help, it's out there and for some places, it's free.
Sorry, I'm still rambling.
I guess you get my point, and if you've read this far, thanks for letting me talk.
Mark
Your posts are really helping me. You're being accountable and honest and I appreciate that. Thank you from someone who needs the support!
Hey All,
I've been reading the posts here, while commenting on some and have had some very good conversations in private with another person (you know who you are). I can't begin to tell you how much this place has helped, knowing that others here are going through the same thing as me.
Oh, before I continue, I like to ramble.
There are a lot of common themes, concerns and questions. All of which I had when I first logged in here. Each person I've chatted with has given nothing but encouragement and has not judged me and I thank you for that. I recently posted that I do not like to count how many days I've been clean, that's just me -- I like to concentrate on where I'm going, rather than where I've been. My first post had "Day 2" but had to add that as some sort of reminder at first, just to tell myself that it goes by quickly.
However, I did take a picture which is shown in my profile of the meds I took over a two month period (approximately). That is only a small part of the other ones I've hidden from family members, hid in my car -- only to take a trip to the car wash to dump them (of course, removing all names/labels, etc). For some that may sound familiar. If I saved them all and took them to a recycling center I'm sure I'd have enough to buy a few groceries.
I did make up a list of questions that help me too, just to understand where I was. I always say the past is the past and the future is the future. I choose to take the right path, I deserve it -- you deserve it too.
I'm not asking you to answer any of the below, but it's just for thought. When I look on it now, it seems a bit crazy!
1) Do the pills control you, or do you control the pills?
2) Ever feel that "one more" will make you feel better and then regret it later?
3) Ever kick yourself for taking that "one or two more" and then say later " Why did I do that?
4) Hide this crap from friends and family?
5) Become a human calculator so that you know exactly how many pills are left and how long they will last?
6) Ever take that "Just one more" only to convince yourself that you'll cut down on one the following day to make up for the extra one?
7) Ever cut down just a bit, just so the pharmacist would refill the next one without question? (Takes a lot of willpower)
8) Search the house from top to bottom when you're just about out, just in case you placed a few pills here and there?
9) Ever call a friend to see if they had any, making any excuse (that your doctor was on vacation, etc)?
I am feeling MUCH better today, I was able to sleep all night and am a bit hungry right now --- just what a lot of you said here during my initial visit to the website.
Thank you for all the positive feedback, and to those new here -- stick with it -- it DOES work. Thomas Guide, bottom right of this website, works wonders. Hot Baths are a tremendous help!
Mark
Glad you are doing so well! keep it up!!! Your posts are inspirational to many people :)
xo
D
Mark, you sound like me 88 days ago. Taking 160-190 MG a day of Oxycodone, and 2-3 Somas a night for 3 years. I hated the feeling of pills controlling my life..Getting up in the morning take one to just feel "Normal" On Jan 4th I was honest with my NP he only gave me Diazpam 10 mg for W/D nothing for sleep. The first 4-5 days were rough. Long Hot Baths really helped. And even a 10 minute walk ( which I'm sure you won't feel like) helps alot. After day 7 Fatigue and Depression start to set in. My NP told me most people who use are depressed in some way or form..He started me on Anti-Dep..Boy what a difference it made. You seem like a strong willed guy, and thats what you will need to fight this addiction. Your brain will lie to you for weeks, saying "Mark it's ok just 1 won't hurt" The Brain WANTS Its fix!!.. What helped me was writing a "Goodbye" letter to my drugs. What I thought was my friend was actually the devil. I spilled my guts why and what it had done to me and my family, yes US addicts can be very clever and lie at the drop of a Hat. I put my kids and wife's pics on the letter and when I had the cravings I would pull it out and read it outloud as many times until the cravings stopped. Mark, If me Mr Addictive Personality can do it..So CAN YOU!!
Good Luck and Keep Posting Lots of Great people here to Help!
G
Mark, you asked,
1) Do the pills control you, or do you control the pills?
2) Ever feel that "one more" will make you feel better and then regret it later?
3) Ever kick yourself for taking that "one or two more" and then say later " Why did I do that?
4) Hide this crap from friends and family?
5) Become a human calculator so that you know exactly how many pills are left and how long they will last?
6) Ever take that "Just one more" only to convince yourself that you'll cut down on one the following day to make up for the extra one?
7) Ever cut down just a bit, just so the pharmacist would refill the next one without question? (Takes a lot of willpower)
8) Search the house from top to bottom when you're just about out, just in case you placed a few pills here and there?
9) Ever call a friend to see if they had any, making any excuse (that your doctor was on vacation, etc)?
~~~~~
I was taking soma before and can answer yes to every one of those questions. i'm now 1 full month clean. I take norco for chronic back pain but am down to 2 doses a day ( the script says i can take up to 6 doses a day)
I think it's awesome that you've made it this far. you have alot to be proud of yourself for!
RadioStar,
I hear you loud and clear, and dishonesty seems to be a common theme around here, the pills make us do it. If I were to say that I would have posted here for help 6 months ago I would be lying. As long as I had my pills I was "OK." Sometimes you just get to that point where enough is enough, or for some, the doctors won't refill it and there is some desperation for help. I did come here about a year ago, but never posted, was just reading what would happen -- I was in denial.
I've already told my doctor and my medical record has been updated to show that I can't be prescribed these powerful narcotics, and that feels pretty dang good. I am a very curious person and have asked every single question I could think of on what will/could happen. I am a very strong willed person and I control my life, not some stupid little pill. The whole pill taking started with legitimate pain (kidney stones), and it went downhill from there. Amazing how quickly it happens.
My brain is going to get want it wants, and that is good food (Okay, maybe a Twinkie here and there), laughter, positive reinforcement and it's also going to read the list of questions I posted earlier --- and that's all it's going to get, end of story.
If I can't stress it enough, honesty is the best policy with the doctor, it starts with lies, continues with lies and gets worse with lies.
Mark