Getting Busted, a Blessing in Disguise.

[lesson_learned]

evening. Last week I got a blessing in disguise, I'd been abusing vicodin since last fall. Getting 3 refills a month. I came up with every excuse to keep taking them as directed. Then some a$$clown suggested I crush them to get a stronger effect, me being an addict,did so. Well, I got busted the FIRST time I did it. As I said, it was for the best. Doc will no longer prescribe narcotic classed drugs to me-ever. Said I broke my narcotic agreement, which pretty much black lists me from getting narcotics anywhere, ever in my life. Hopefully I won't ever need them for something serious, now that I've gone and been a fool, and screwed everything up. >:(
I'm angry at myself. Can't believe I was so weak.

She referred me to a substance abuse doctor, who called me and interviewed me. I'm having such a hard time. This discontinuance occurred three days before I was due for a refill. So I split them up into 5's from 10's. I've been sneezing, unable to sleep long, diarrhea,body aches, my injury seems to hurt 3x worse. But this is for the best. I'm not making excuses anymore. It's so easy to wrap up addiction into a pretty little package...and yet so hard to see it for what it *really* is. I wish I was strong...on Thursday, at 12pm I will take my last dose of Vicodin, hopefully ever. I see this substance doctor on Friday at 3:30pm -well- into withdrawals. I'm scared..like anyone else. I don't even know how to live sober. I set up an apt with a substance abuse councilor but I don't see them until Aug10th. I hope I can post here for support. I know I screwed up, so I don't need any hard talk, just need some support so I stay on the right path. I can't sleep either =( I heard Effexor is good for the anxiety and even pain relief.  I'm kinda moody, find myself crying at the drop of a hat....I gotta get through this. Help. I'm an addict, and I f*ked up. Big Time. ="(

[shiningstar500]

This is great you are doing so well!! I wish you the best!!

[lesson_learned]

PS and thanks very much! If it wasn't for the people supporting me here and my therapist, I doubt I could have come so far. It really is a blessing. And it's nice to be off the emotional roller coaster and seeking mode.

[lesson_learned]

It's true I really was a wreck. I feel much better now, just need to kick the nausea.

[lesson_learned]

Hey, I've been kinda sick lately. I don't know. Feeling nauseous. Not eating much at all..etc. I'm still on sub but I tapered down to half the prescribed dosage. :) Shhh. Sometimes I think those sub docs, just want the money lol. Even though there are waiting lists a mile long. 25 days so far its been years since I've come this far along wiith NO DOC's.

[Ballgame]

Wow your 21 days clean. That's awesome!  Are you still taking the sub?  I know it was hard for you and when you're doing this every minute feels like an hour.  But 21 days is great!! How you feel?  

[adam_addy]

Lesson, I forgot to add that no one can make you feel bad....think about that. just like nothing is good or evil, but our thinking is what makes it so....what i mean is, if you let someone bother you withtheir words, then you are letting them do that to you. It is the same as the control that you let the drugs have over you. Change your thinking, and you can take away the power that you let other peoples words and actions have over you. Just decide that no matter what someone says or does, it has no effect on you. It is that simple. You can choose to do this every day. As humans, we are different from all other animals because we have this power to choose. think about it.... Adam