Getting Thru...

[autumnsky88]

I have been on hydro or percs off and on for years. It started off being prescribed. Looking back, it truly sickens me the amount of money I have thrown away to feed my addiction. It's only when I am off for periods of time that I realize what a fog I've been living in. I am ashamed at what lengths I've gone to in order to keep avoiding life. My husband has had two major back surgeries and has been on hydro's for over two years now. He is unrecognizable. I kept thinking I was ok.... I could handle, my personality had not changed, but ... all I really needed to do was take a look at my life now compared to before and be truthful! I used to be active, motivated, always hosting get togethers, volunteering... now Im a recluse who gets thru the day! We, as a family, have had  A LOT of things happen to us these past two years. My husband and I didn't pull together like we should have because we have become such different people due to addiction. I want my marriage. But, I have realized, before anything, I have to get myself better. I have been reading the posts for a few days now and you guys are amazing!! I am SO encouraged by the honesty and support! I am only on day 3 of CT. Tapering does not work for me- learned the hard way. Physically I feel awful, but mentally, I'm feeling positive. I have been off before for short periods but wind up thinking I can control and I don't really have a problem ; \
I am determined to take my life back and figure out a way to help others see how it can suck the life out of us! Thank you all for sharing your struggles! There are so many of us that have no where else to turn.

[mary577]

I agree, autumnsky, I think the people here are amazing.    Hang in there....it does get better and probably after tomorrow, much better.    Post often if you need moral support.   Someone is always here and will help you and walk you through this.   I did it.   I took hydros for five years.   For pain, yes....but in the end, it was more for the way they made me feel...like I could go out and work and get something accomplished.   I am still having to force myself sometimes, but I feel a lot better.   Keep on, keeping on!

[07subiedude]

Hang in there. It will be easier if you and your husband help each other. Talk to him, let everything out and let him and life its self motivate you. I have been on them for years and am about to try to quit my self. Its hard to imagine life without them but when I think about it there's more to life than what I'm living now. I have a wife and two kids who need me. I can't give them the life they deserve and support the addiction life I'm living now. Be strong and think of a life without addiction. Back to the get togethers. Be strong and talk to your husband. My addiction has actually helped my marriage because I talked to my wife and she is going to help me. She wants the "me" back as bad as I do.

[autumnsky88]

Thank you for the encouragement. I have tried talking to my husband who is, unfortunately, not interested in supporting me in anything at the moment. Im just extremely thankful to have found this site! I want to get my life back to what it should be and I know this is my first step. Feeling physically rough at the moment but I'm going to try to make myself take a short walk : )
Thanks Again!

[kyle505]

Welcome - you've detoxed before so you know what to expect, and probably what will help you slog through it. And soon you will be on the other side of the physical withdrawal.
So, a few suggestions - if your husband won't support you then you must seek out aftercare; NA, AA and the like. This forum is a help, but meetings are a must. And (I sound like a broken record sometimes) you have to cut all pill sources - tell your doc, dentist, pharmacy that you have a problem handling opioid based meds. I told my doc that I was an addict; you can present this issue however you are most comfortable with,but you need to say something.  And be careful with your husband's meds. That's a temptation. There is life without pills.  I struggled for 15 years. You can do this.  

[Free2agoodhome]

Welcome.

Some sober part of you is screaming for it's life back. That's what it felt like for me. I think the phrase "Dr prescribed" kept me thinking things were not that bad.

As long as the pains of living were greater than the pains of using I continued.  But I ended up here..........

I concluded that if i take opiates I will abuse them. Nothing will ever change that ..... I look at it like a fact about me..just like my height or weight or eye color...etc....


I don't want to live like that anymore either. I hated to look myself in the mirror. The thought of what I had become was unpleasant to see.

You will do fine, try to put together a mini plan , something to use as a guide through the process....it helps.....

Rooting for ya
Much support

Free~

[selfinduced]

Perfect descript Free......Sending support Sky.

[autumnsky88]

Amen, Free! I have avoiding looking at who I had become for way too long! I miss me ; )
Kyle, thank u for the advice. I have yet to reach out and find a group/meeting. Not sure where to begin. Internet search? I'm assuming NA is Narcotics Anonymous? If they don't have that in my area, does that mean all addicts who want to go to AA? Sorry for all the questions! I contribute my constant backsliding to not having an aftercare plan. No accountability = disaster for me. It's miserable, but I know I can get thru the physical detox. Unfortunately, my suppliers were mostly family members : (  one of which text me yesterday offering. I prayed for several minutes and text back not to EVER offer or bring them around me again or I would have to cut off contact. I'm hoping to eventually be a "positive example". It gives me motivation to think so, anyway.
Thankfully, my husband is keeping his locked up completely away from me. More out of not wanting to "lose" any of his, but whatever... as long as they are unattainable to me.
I do need to tell my doctors office. I have only been with this PC Physician for a year and have never even attempted to get a script there- it was easier to get everywhere else : (
Anyway- I appreciate all of you- more than you know!!!!