A Very Close Call (near relapse)

[troubleinohio]

Hey gang just thought Id let you guys know whats going on..I nearly left this forum recently and have been pretty much MIA for the most part for the past week or so. Stupid, stupid , stupid! I let some posts get under my skin and left here when I needed it the most. I very nearly relapsed this past week. I was SO CLOSE that I still cant believe it. I am ever so grateful I stopped myself just in time. I had money in my pocket and was on my way to get pills!!!! I drove past the place over and over, crying and arguing with myself. It was AWFUL. Finally, common sense and guilt got the better of me and I drove back home without getting anything. But the fact that I had gone that far almost seems i should count that as a relapse anyways. Im so mad at myself. I sat here for days sobbing and in a foul mood. It has only been in the last day that I feel that negativity lifting, and good things are finally starting to happen again (Im getting several freelance job offers that Im very excited about). I am making myself go to an NA meeting this week- which will be my first, EVER.  I need to do this, regularly. I will let you guys know how that goes. Im nervous about it, but I know i need to do this. I have never given myself any real aftercare besides this forum. I apologize to all of you for my behavior of late and hope I am still welcome to post here.

[jstntime]

Coming close only counts in lawn darts and jello wrestling.  That wasn't a relapse.  Merely a new resolve to yourself that you are in this game to stay.

Draw on the positive here, you didn't take the pills.  As an added bonus, someone out there that was also going for that ride may have decided otherwise.

You've inspired many here, this site needs you, welcome back.

bob

[snowflake620]

good for you! You stayed strong and that gives all of us hope,from the bottom of my heart I thank you for saying no
        snow

[free_me_pleezz]

I know we're doing it everyday But the point is and always keep this in your mind... you said NO when you could've said yes

[troubleinohio]

calamity- Im glad you didnt slip too!

my NA meeting is soon and Im still nervous about it, but still going!!!

[house2]

I remember your first post and to be honest I didn't think you would make it.You sure proved me wrong -way to go girl!!Your story has givin me strenght- thank you for sharing it

[Calamity2]

No trouble ,  trouble.   I almost drank several months ago.  No big reason. I passed the bar three times  didnt like the cars outside .  third time it was closed.  I'm sure glad I didnt drink. I cant handle that either.

[Beccabeccalynn]

Glad to see you Ohio I was wondering about you glad to see your still sober. You can use your close call as a learning tool.
Becca

[itsmeagainmargaret]

You won that battle but watch out I found myself in similiar situations only to find myself   resisting close calls only to use again in the following days. Remember there is a distance to death when you're an addict and no matter how long you stay clean ,you never shorten the distance already traveled,meaning the next time you use could be your last. So STAY CLEAN /go to meetings /find sober friends at church,get down on your knees and pray,Thank God everyday that you are clean,and forget about the **** that you did in the past.
You Got This

[kona2009]

Way to stick with it.

Kona

[leeisgettingclean]

sometimes it takes a close call to get us back on track, now that you see how easy a relaspe can happen you know what you have to do! Good luck, and i am glad that you didnt get those pills

[fogmussher]

Hope it wasn't me that offended you. I don't always think before I write. If it was I'm so sorry and I'm glad to see you back and holding tight to the plan! We are all extremely sensitive, as addicts in general I think. And working at quitting makes most of us real emotional. I know I, for one, get frustrated sometimes when people say they want help but then they quit trying when they find out it is going to be real hard work, and no quick fix. I'm not really the B---- that I sound like. At least I never came off that way before. I'm usually accused of niceing people to death. But anyway WELCOME BACK!

[chemister]

You are getting older and smarter, you can be proud at yourself when you stop
to take pills. I was clean in 5 year when I never thought to take drugs, but one day I try to smoke heroin after just a thought. I started on Subutex after that choice, and had to start with methadone after illness because of hep C treatment.
I am soon finishing with the treatment (hep C) and get drugs out of my head.
I look forward to be clean again. The best time in my life, those clean years :)

[beatingthis]

Wow really glad you didn't!!!

Both of you "sara and you" have not 1 bit of stubborness.

is my nose growing...... lol

Terry

[dominosarah]

well given my meek and mild personality it must be a challenge!!!!!!!!  Okay even i cant get thru that one without LMAO!!!

[troubleinohio]

yes sarah, finally letting my stubborness go, LOL...i need to use that horrific trait for good instead of evil cuz its a strong trait unfortunately!

[gizzy32]

Glad to hear you did not use. Going to a meeting is a great idea and I hope you don`t let being nervous stop you from going. If you don`t like NA there are other options for aftercare. Good luck and guard up!!!

Sophie, you be good:)

[SophieShine]

Yes Ma'am! lol

[dominosarah]

Doesnt matter if you are 1 minute clean or 100 yrs, that guard always has to be up.

[SophieShine]

You did good girl!!! Wow that shows some guts!!! And thanx so much for posting this, it makes me realize how much we have to keep our guard up at any time, no matter how much clean time we have behind.
You stayed clean girl you did NOT relapse.
Sending you tons of love. xoxoxo. sophie.

[dominosarah]

So you are finally letting go of this "stubborness" huh?!!!  I hope this last event really did scare you and that you will follow thru with NA.  Its okay to admit you cant do this alone TIO.  Aftercare will make you stronger both mentally and physically.  Its all good......The next time you have extra money in your pocket that is burning a hole go and give to a charity of some sort, not to a dealer who is killing people.  Let us know how your meeting went.            sara