Aa
Girlfriend and I are both pill addicts
Hello. I am a 63 yr old retired man and my girlfriend is 55 and in a high pressure job as a realtor. I have recently come to grips and admitted I have an addiction to hydrocodone (60 mg day for last 8 months) and have begun the process to quit. She is heavily addicted to codeine (100 mg day for several years) but is not ready to quit, She has been through detox before and is afraid to do it again. We are in a close relationship with no secrets. I admit that I have used the pain of kidney stones (real) and divertriculitis (real) as an excuse to keep taking pills even when there is no pain. She is clinging to the pain excuse (migraines, headaches every day she says) even though we both know it's a cop out. I don't mean to sound harsh but when you are taking pills constantly when there is no pain, it's addiction. I am ready to tackle withdrawal and my doctor has agreed to help with tapering for a few weeks and then finally quit with some other non-narcotic meds. We both have the same doctor and he has tried to lower her dose but she objects. She knows this has to happen for herself but won't face it right now. She has told me that she doesn't mind talking about the addiction as long as it doesn't have to be about hers. Our relationship is (I think) being controlled by the pills. Mood swings from pleasant when the pills are working to nasty when they quit working. We talk about everything. She knows she has to face the truth but it stops there. She is willing to be supportive of me during this withdrawal. Ok, so my questions are: Can two people that are both addicted, while in a relationship, survive this dilemma? What are the pitfalls? Can one detox and stay clean when the other is still addicted?
Broke up with the GF this morning. It's been bumpy anyway since I started talking about this addiction a few weeks ago. It came to a head over the weekend. The entire conversation on my end revolved around the pills and quitting. That's all I see right now. Breaking up is not a real pleasant experience that's for sure. Now I have to NOT dwell on this. Severed all ties (Facebook, etc). Guess I was wrong about mutual understanding during a crisis but I'm not feeling sorry for myself...yet? I see this addiction as a crisis. Dropping down to 5mg this afternoon. I'd be lying if I said this was smooth. Doc says this is it, no more pills after the 5's run out. Final exams coming up on this whole lesson...
You can't help her, you have to be ready to quit. Take care of yourself first and whatever happens after that happens. I feel for you but the couples I know that got clean didn't have much in common once they got clean.
Good luck
Good luck
good luck in ur recovery. im glad u can focus on ur self. recovery is too hard to do for someone else,worry and focus on ur self first. have you gone to any na meetings? read my journal it might be helpful. best wishes dove
Good for you. Your recovery is just that---YOURS. She can create an account and post for herself. It is kind of like "every man for himself" right now and that is okay. Start a new post and talk about YOU......
Day 9. Slipped last night and took an extra 1/2 pill. Got stressed. It's that easy to feed the beast. Funny how I skipped a dose the other day and was pattin' myself on the back. Got to be stronger. It's all good.
I am going to abandon this "Girlfriend and I" thread. Need to move into the mainstream, myself and others, those that are here for their own survival. I don't have the energy to include the girlfriend in my situation. As I stumble along this detox, the moods and feelings are off the charts. It can only drain my brain if I begin to question anyone else's motives or thoughts. All I know for sure is that until all the chemicals are gone, erased...then and only then will I know what's real...naturally real. And then, to remember the whole journey that got me here in the first place. That's my goal. Simple but hard. I believe we are all still who we are, or were...or will be. Not sure where to post another thread but I'll get there.
I am going to abandon this "Girlfriend and I" thread. Need to move into the mainstream, myself and others, those that are here for their own survival. I don't have the energy to include the girlfriend in my situation. As I stumble along this detox, the moods and feelings are off the charts. It can only drain my brain if I begin to question anyone else's motives or thoughts. All I know for sure is that until all the chemicals are gone, erased...then and only then will I know what's real...naturally real. And then, to remember the whole journey that got me here in the first place. That's my goal. Simple but hard. I believe we are all still who we are, or were...or will be. Not sure where to post another thread but I'll get there.
Of course you're going to give the same support to someone else - no question in my mind about that. :)
You're bringing a smile to my face. Your support is great. Maybe someday I can provide the same for someone. :)
Sheesh - just read my post - the whole "i'll be cheering you on" thing - maybe a bit too much? LOL Sorry!! Guess I just need to reel it in sometimes! :)
That's SO great!!! I'm really happy to see how well you're doing. And I just LOVE what you said - "the more I see the light the harder it is to stay in the dark" - powerful words. Keep going and stay strong. I'll be cheering you on!!
Day 7 of tapering. So far, so good. I even managed to skip one last night before bed. That's amazing right there. Next Monday I go down to the next level. But today is all I care about. Going to the GF house tonight thru Saturday for big garage sale. Since I've been aware of my problem and hers I've been focused on mine more than ever. The more I see the light the harder it is to stay in the dark. Just wanted to check in here. Cheers!
It's totally doable at home and there are a ton of remedies to help you through. I feel pretty confident about you albi - and you're doing this without your girlfriend - and that says a lot. YOU want this and that's all that matters for right now. Get well first and believe me, once you're off the pills, everything will become crystal clear in all aspects of our life. And then you can address what you need to. I'll be rooting for you!!!
Why do you think going to detox for 10 days will be any different? You could do that at home and save the money. It's AFTER detox you'll need help with. That's the route I would go...Line up some support/aftercare for yourself. Try AA (it's free)therapist,addictionologist,etc... You are somewhat unique in that you came to addiction much later on in life and you may do quite well with one on one support. Stay away from the Sub..
Give this a try with support and without the girlfriend around. I know that bites but she's no help unless you do this together.
Give this a try with support and without the girlfriend around. I know that bites but she's no help unless you do this together.
Pardon my rant here but I want to say this stuff. Maybe y'all can relate I don't know...Ok, so I got on this merry-go-round of addiction because of kidney stones and DI. How in the hell did I get from being the guy that had pain pills in the medicine cabinet but didn't use them to the guy I am now? At some point along the way I said "f*** it". For over 40 years I never took pills except Tylenol, etc. I was in the motorcycle business, led a busy life, raising my daughter as a single dad, the usual stuff. I would have a few beers with the guys but I never liked alchohol much. I retired in July '09. Within weeks I start having stones. Enter the pills. Then DI, enter different pills. I never had health problems until I retired. Little by little I start taking more pills. I began to socialize less. Take more pills. Then it was take a pill before I got up because I felt so lousy. Then it was watching the clock to plan the next pill. Pretty soon it was the pills that dictated where I was going and when I would go. Did I have enough to last for a weekend trip? Where can I get more when I run out from the prescription? Do I have enough money to do this? Hell, I didn't even hide the fact I was taking pills. I started using the "pain" excuse to justify the addiction. Trouble was, I wasn't myself anymore. I was (am) distracted all the time with the ups and downs from the pills. It reached a point in the last few weeks I would take a pill and shake my head in disgust with myself. "How am I gonna get this off my back?"
I told my doctor straight. I want to get off these Norcos. He said ok, here's what we do. I write you a script for Suboxone, Adivan and Clonitin. Quit cold for 24 hours and start the Suboxone and the others. Keep in touch with me. Fine. Trouble was the Sub cost $435 for 60 pills plus the others. Can't swing it. Plus, I knew nothing about Suboxone. I learn it's another narcotic with its own withdrawal problem. What's the point? Go back to my
Doc. Ok we'll taper instead. I'm now trying like hell to stick to the taper schedule with mostly success. If it was just the physical withdrawal I know I could handle this. The mental part is the killer for me. I have a feeling I'm going to have to go into a detox clinic near here. There's a waiting list for an opening. If I go that route, when the call comes, I go. I will have to throw away any pills I have and go in for a minimum 10 days. It's a no-brainer to do the detox in a clinic. In the meantime, I stay busy, grumbling with myself about this whole damn thing. What a treadmill to be on.
I told my doctor straight. I want to get off these Norcos. He said ok, here's what we do. I write you a script for Suboxone, Adivan and Clonitin. Quit cold for 24 hours and start the Suboxone and the others. Keep in touch with me. Fine. Trouble was the Sub cost $435 for 60 pills plus the others. Can't swing it. Plus, I knew nothing about Suboxone. I learn it's another narcotic with its own withdrawal problem. What's the point? Go back to my
Doc. Ok we'll taper instead. I'm now trying like hell to stick to the taper schedule with mostly success. If it was just the physical withdrawal I know I could handle this. The mental part is the killer for me. I have a feeling I'm going to have to go into a detox clinic near here. There's a waiting list for an opening. If I go that route, when the call comes, I go. I will have to throw away any pills I have and go in for a minimum 10 days. It's a no-brainer to do the detox in a clinic. In the meantime, I stay busy, grumbling with myself about this whole damn thing. What a treadmill to be on.
Reality really is different when we're using, that's one of the reason's people use, right? If it looks different clean, then it probably was all along, the narcotics change many things, physically, and mentally. One analogy I'd like to share is, you know when your on an airplane and before take-off the stewardess [steward] explains the drop down oxygen mask? The part where she/he say's if your traveling with an infant put yours on first? That is of course if you take the time to put theirs on first, you may not have time before you run out of air to do your own. I look at couples trying to detox at the same time somewhat like that. If your partner isn't ready, go ahead an get yours or you may not have time to help with theirs? Maybe you can't do it at the same time but might be able to help each other? It will work if you want it to, either way. I also don't understand why you can't do all those fun things sober and I don't need to, but I guarantee fun can be had sober and clean! Probably more, it just takes time to relearn. Good luck
I wish I could be of more help with the depression! That sentence you wrote about depression setting in could have come from my very own pen...err..keyboard ;) That is a huge part of my problem, when I am "up" from the pills, the depression seems to stay at bay with the pain. I became hooked after a series of 7 surgeries, all abdominal, none healed right, some of which are revisions. I have crohns / IBS, not the same as DIV I know, but with opiates we need fiber more than anything. Not sure which fibers are safe for DIV though.
I was a nursing student a decade ago, down to my last 18 months when the first surgery became needed and never did finish my education :( but did pick up great and useful life knowledge.
As for the depression, I am diagnosed as clinically depressed, some SAD, etc and sedatives can make things worse.
Seems we have some side issues in common, feel free to PM id you ever want to discuss.
Glad you are back and already thinking and working your way through. I am learning to take the taper slowly. Wish I could cut it in half every day but I can't. I am shooting for only 1/2 pill every three days and will try to post the doctor's taper suggestion in my profile (if I can figure out how to do that - maybe in my journal...?) later today.
CONGRATS! You are already on the way!!
I was a nursing student a decade ago, down to my last 18 months when the first surgery became needed and never did finish my education :( but did pick up great and useful life knowledge.
As for the depression, I am diagnosed as clinically depressed, some SAD, etc and sedatives can make things worse.
Seems we have some side issues in common, feel free to PM id you ever want to discuss.
Glad you are back and already thinking and working your way through. I am learning to take the taper slowly. Wish I could cut it in half every day but I can't. I am shooting for only 1/2 pill every three days and will try to post the doctor's taper suggestion in my profile (if I can figure out how to do that - maybe in my journal...?) later today.
CONGRATS! You are already on the way!!
I was surprised to hear from all of you in just one day on here and it's appreciated very much.
My girlfriend and I don't live together but we spend almost all our free daytime and nights together. Recently, a good portion of my conversations with her have been about this pill addiction. While we still do a lot together (dinners, movies, field trips, photo sessions at the beach, dancing, etc), it's the pills that enable us to do these things. That's a major problem for me right there. It's something that depresses the hell out of me now. By the way, it's interesting that, for the first few months we were together there were so many problems between us. I was upfront about the pills I was taking (and that it was bothering me more and more) but didn't make an issue about it. She finally broke down a few weeks ago and told me she too had a pill problem. It explained everything. Now, the reality is staring us right in the face.
Even though I am tapering I already can feel the slight discomfort and notice the difference in my thinking. I now know for sure that the pills have distorted my views and thoughts on what I would "normally" think. It scares me how quickly depression seeps in when the stuff wears off. I seriously long for the not so distant past when I simply got happy, sad or just reacted to everyday things the way I used to. Now, I don't know if I'm up or down because of the pills. Talking to my lady about this stuff is dramatic. On her part there are many tears and sadness due to the admission of this addiction. I, on the other hand, get depressed and then get angry at myself for going down this road. You all know the feelings I'm sure. Our relationship may end because of this...who knows? I have to really stay focused on myself and try not to complicate my situation by worrying about her but, damn, it's hard.
My girlfriend and I don't live together but we spend almost all our free daytime and nights together. Recently, a good portion of my conversations with her have been about this pill addiction. While we still do a lot together (dinners, movies, field trips, photo sessions at the beach, dancing, etc), it's the pills that enable us to do these things. That's a major problem for me right there. It's something that depresses the hell out of me now. By the way, it's interesting that, for the first few months we were together there were so many problems between us. I was upfront about the pills I was taking (and that it was bothering me more and more) but didn't make an issue about it. She finally broke down a few weeks ago and told me she too had a pill problem. It explained everything. Now, the reality is staring us right in the face.
Even though I am tapering I already can feel the slight discomfort and notice the difference in my thinking. I now know for sure that the pills have distorted my views and thoughts on what I would "normally" think. It scares me how quickly depression seeps in when the stuff wears off. I seriously long for the not so distant past when I simply got happy, sad or just reacted to everyday things the way I used to. Now, I don't know if I'm up or down because of the pills. Talking to my lady about this stuff is dramatic. On her part there are many tears and sadness due to the admission of this addiction. I, on the other hand, get depressed and then get angry at myself for going down this road. You all know the feelings I'm sure. Our relationship may end because of this...who knows? I have to really stay focused on myself and try not to complicate my situation by worrying about her but, damn, it's hard.
I first want to second or third that, welcome to the forum! I just have to mention about the diverticulitus. Your dr. and you have probably discussed a colonoscopy, I would assume? My colon burst and I had to have a foot of it removed. An incredibly painful ordeal. Narcotics for anyone seems to deaden the pain sensors in our bowels, it's very constipating among other undesirable effects. If your length of use steadily has "only" been for 8 months, then getting free of the demon won't be to bad, probably not fun, but you will succeed if you want to. It's harder every year of age it appears. I'm [55], and am almost 90 days clean, after 6 years of oxy. I'm also a pain patient, but that's another topic. I started going to n/a meetings during detox, I like them, mostly. The hardest one to go to is the first one. I met a woman there, our age, who's husband is still practicing and a functional addict. She has several years clean. I am impressed to witness her sobriety as it isn't easy when her spouse drinks in front of her. Keeping the relationship alive is all between the two of you, and the poster's above have valid points. I just know that you can do this if you choose. From what you've mentioned above it doesn't seem like your a long time addict, so her use may not be a trigger for you? I don't even know if you are one, could just be "phsically" dependant or some other term, regardless breaking the chain of pills is tough enough. As was mentioned, things look different sober, but that doesn't mean you can't be mates, just get real deep down honest with yourself and she, it will work if you want it too. Good luck
Hi Albiewan,
Glad you are here :) I am a new kid on the block myself, 4th day here and third day of tapering from Norco/vico/perc..you name it, if it was opiate I tried it ;) What's funny is that I checked in because I had felt sick from it and I was scared - I wasn't planning on starting a taper at the moment, Two women answered my post and the next day I was taking half of what I had come in taking (!!!!) so yep, this is the place to be!
I guess I am going to be a bit of the devil's advocate here, because my Mother and Father had this situation you describe, though they were alcoholics, and they lived through and supported each other with this. My dad became totally clean and stayed that way, and my mom went on and off (and still does) The saddest part of the situation is that after being 100% clean for over 20 years my dad passed away from liver cancer, and this was still not enough of a jolt to get my mom clean for good. No one and Nothing can make an addict stop if they don't want to. I am a great example as well - I lived with, nursed, cared for, and watched my dad die, (at home hospice,) and still ended up on a path that led to a 20 - 30 a day Norco habit.
so, to answer your question about couples and recovery, I think with enough patience and love, it's possible, though it is no way easy. On the flip side of the coin - you may turn out to be the good influence, rather than she the bad! If however when you talk to her or have a bad day you are met with comments like, "Oh, just take a pill and get over it" I'd take it as a sign that it may not work out. You must put your health and recovery first and keep your eyes open, and if you see it not working, or feel too uncomfortable, then protect yourself however you have to.
Congrats on the great decision! Health, peace and welcome aboard!
Glad you are here :) I am a new kid on the block myself, 4th day here and third day of tapering from Norco/vico/perc..you name it, if it was opiate I tried it ;) What's funny is that I checked in because I had felt sick from it and I was scared - I wasn't planning on starting a taper at the moment, Two women answered my post and the next day I was taking half of what I had come in taking (!!!!) so yep, this is the place to be!
I guess I am going to be a bit of the devil's advocate here, because my Mother and Father had this situation you describe, though they were alcoholics, and they lived through and supported each other with this. My dad became totally clean and stayed that way, and my mom went on and off (and still does) The saddest part of the situation is that after being 100% clean for over 20 years my dad passed away from liver cancer, and this was still not enough of a jolt to get my mom clean for good. No one and Nothing can make an addict stop if they don't want to. I am a great example as well - I lived with, nursed, cared for, and watched my dad die, (at home hospice,) and still ended up on a path that led to a 20 - 30 a day Norco habit.
so, to answer your question about couples and recovery, I think with enough patience and love, it's possible, though it is no way easy. On the flip side of the coin - you may turn out to be the good influence, rather than she the bad! If however when you talk to her or have a bad day you are met with comments like, "Oh, just take a pill and get over it" I'd take it as a sign that it may not work out. You must put your health and recovery first and keep your eyes open, and if you see it not working, or feel too uncomfortable, then protect yourself however you have to.
Congrats on the great decision! Health, peace and welcome aboard!
I have to say I'm with vicki on this one. Getting clean is hard enough without having to be with someone whom you love who is still using. Everything changes when you get clean - you see things differently, you hear things differently, things you never noticed before become apparent, and things that never bothered you before can suddenly become an issue. And probably most importantly, her using could be a HUGE trigger for you.
The only solace I can offer is that perhaps because you've decided to quit, that may eventually motivate her to do the same. However I don't put a lot of stock into that theory as it could have an adverse reaction leading her to use more out of shame for her own continued abuse. This is a tough call and I feel for you. But I can not end this post without saying CONGRATULATIONS for making the decision to quit!! You should feel really good about that! And keep posting - this place is really great for support. And oh yes, welcome!! :)
The only solace I can offer is that perhaps because you've decided to quit, that may eventually motivate her to do the same. However I don't put a lot of stock into that theory as it could have an adverse reaction leading her to use more out of shame for her own continued abuse. This is a tough call and I feel for you. But I can not end this post without saying CONGRATULATIONS for making the decision to quit!! You should feel really good about that! And keep posting - this place is really great for support. And oh yes, welcome!! :)
Hi--This seldom works out. I know that from many anecdotal stories but I don't have hard stats to give you. I would think it would be difficult for you. The major problem,of course,is that she's still using and does not have the resolve that you do. It WILL bother you,trigger you,it could cause your relapse etc...Also,I'll tell you,when you're straight from pills and you talk with someone who isn't, you won't like it and you might not like them anymore!!
Do you live together? Maybe you could "separate" while you're getting clean. I don't know you but it's generally hard for couples to quit and I think it could get hard for you.
Good luck!!
Do you live together? Maybe you could "separate" while you're getting clean. I don't know you but it's generally hard for couples to quit and I think it could get hard for you.
Good luck!!
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