Does MedHelp count as aftercare? I need help

[BlueOpiate]

Hello everyone.  I am new but have been a long time lurker.  I come today humbled and in need of support.  I have been an opiate abuser for 5 years.  I started out taking vicodin from a friend a couple days per week, mostly on weekends.  When I no longer wanted to rely on a friend, I went to my doctor and reported back pain thinking I would get a small script and make them last a month.  Well, first visit the doctor gave me 100 5/500 hydros.  WOW, this was easy.  That did last me a long time because I wasn't too far into it.  So I go back to him for a refill, and again, WOW, this time another 100 with 2 refills!  Fresh into opiate abuse, I'm loving this but already am thinking I want something stronger.  Well, all that took was a phone call to the doc and with a little complaining now I'm getting 7.5 ES.  Then of course I started getting the 10/500.  Now mind you I do have documented back problems, but it was on a rare occasion it hurt so bad that I needed a pain pill of this nature.

Fast forward to now.

Last using I was getting scripts of oxycodone 10/325, 100-120 count.  These would last me maybe 7-10 days!  I am now a full blown addict.  A lot of time being spent on securing pills from family members, friends, back channels.  Withdrawal for me is pure hell and would start only 6 hours after not taking any.  I have tried to quit many times but my WD is so bad that I always went back to using.  Having children that are young made it even harder to kick.  About a 2 years ago I was able to get through detoxing by an odd tapper that isn't really the right way to do it but of course a month in I relapsed.  I did try suboxone about a year ago but took the wrong approach I believe.  I thought this was all I need, never addressing the mental side of things.

So yesterday I went to see another subx doctor and today I am on about 6mg of subx.  I do feel fine, no cravings and am able to function.  The problem I have is trying to figure what type of care to seek.  I can't go to NA/AA because of my job.  If I am found out to be going to these meetings, it will spell a certain negative impact for my job, including them finding a way to get rid of me.  My field is not very understanding of any type of substance abuse other then alcohol.  It is this very field that I believe was one of the reasons I use.  My job can be very depressing and stressful and at the same time, it is very hard to talk to people about it because most just won't understand.  That being said, can this forum count as a form of care or NA?  What type of help should I seek out?  I am ready to deal with the mental side of things.

[tgtiffany]

Hello!!!  Welcome!  I'm not really sure this site counts as aftercare but I think it will help a great deal!!  Everyone here are wonderful! I think it's awesome that you want to stop and are doing so good already!  Remember that you can do this!!!  You're already doing so well!!!  Amazing!  I think getting a therapist is a good idea too!  Glad that you already are getting that set up.  It looks like you know what you are doing already!  But when you need someone for support and don't have anyone to go to, come here.  We're here for you, someone will be at least!  Everyone here knows what you are going through!  

[Eebb26]

I also am seeing a therapist that specializes in substance abuse. I actually went to a couple NA meetings but it just wasn't for me. I am using my therapist to try n help me find a diff coping method and this site for understanding, honesty n support.

[ImDONENoMore]

Give some thought to sharing your days with your loved ones.  You'd be surprised how much that can help - I mean, think about it - wouldn't YOU be there for the one you loved if they wanted to talk about their day?  So give someone else that chance, you might be pleasantly surprised.  :)  p.s. it's just a little bit arrogant for us to think we are the only ones who would understand how hard life can sometimes be right?  at least I know I used to think like that - and I could not have been more WRONG.  :)

[sudie58]

hi and welcome, its great that you want aftercare, so many get clean and hope thats it ,only to relapse due to much deeper issues involved.
this site is a huge help but as others have said ,its not enough on its own, the more you put into your recovery , the safer and less likely to relapse, i really wish you well and god bless.

[BlueOpiate]

WOW, in between posting my first response several more people posted, it's very lifting to see people offer their advice.  I'm pretty sure I use because of my job.  I see horrible things on a regular basis.  I get stressed on a daily basis and then don't have anyone to talk to at home because I don't want to stress anyone else.  I don't talk to other people I work with because that just reminds me of the same things I'm feeling down about in the first place.  I think I need a therapist who can show me how to deal with this in a healthy way.  Thank you to all who have posted.

[dovecottage]

well you took the first step in knowing u need help...very wise of you. i go to na but when i cant i go to na online chat they hold meetings everyday. Naonline.com then click the chat button. NA and AA have strict rules about privacy i too have a risky job and i was afaid to go but i hav never had an issue. give it a try either online but best in person. congrats on taking the 1st step and good luck to you. i too got off pain meds like u i was taking lge  amts i went c/t and went to meeting and this site....keep posting Dove

[BlueOpiate]

Thank you for your kind words.  I will be checking into a therapist Monday.  I think my insurance covers some form of mental health needs.  I don't have a whole lot of money, got into some serious debt from my addiction but I'm honestly okay with that.  Money comes and money goes but getting one's mind and life back is far more important to me.  I can work on paying off debt later, that's the least of my worries.  I almost feel like I'm feeling too good right now.  I'm not high from the Subx, I just feel normal, something I haven't felt in a long time and it does feel great to feel normal.  I know this can't last forever and there is hard days a head but taking a step back from the madness makes me realize life can be good without popping pills everyday.  I have done so many things wrong to people in the past few years, it makes me feel like showering them with gifts, well if I had the $$$ I would :).

[reallyneedhelp76]

I think imdone is right.  We have to determine why we started taking the pills and deal with it.  You need to decide what is right for you.  Everyone is different and has different needs.  do some deep digging soul searching, the answer is there u just need to find it.  Good luck!

[GMcp]

i cant go to na meetings ither so i got a therapist that comes to my house once a week and if i need it more she comes when i call, maybe you can find somthing like that?

[ImDONENoMore]

Have you thought about seeing a therapist or addictionologist?  Those options can remain confidential and will certainly help you deal with the issues of why you abused the meds in the first place (believe me, we all have our issues/reasons for abuse).  And this place is SO great for support - but I do think more is needed for most of us.  But you can always come here and use this place as "supplemental" support and there's always someone around to talk to, especially during the middle of the night when you're not sleeping in those early days!

And I must say - WELCOME!!  Keep posting - I'm sure a lot of members will respond with their feedback as well.  Tends to get a little quiet on weekends though so keep checking in and don't give up!!  This will be the best decision of your life.  :)