Hello

Question

I havent posted in a week or so but im not using any vicodin. Most of my physical symptoms are gone but im still bone cold. Im still keeping a secret and please dont judge me. This is all I have energy for right now. The depression is intense. I lost my father last summer and I guess I was numbing myself up pretty good because I feel like im mourning on top of withdrawl. Im a Mom,wife,daughter,friend,sister and im needed. The people in my life deserve better. God please help me! Help us all!

wtf1213 · Answer

Also has anyone found that vicodin madw you paranoid? I was always thinking someone was talking about me..didnt like me etc..im not feeling that much the past week or so..which is a good thing.

wtf1213 · Answer

First of all Sharola im so sorry for your losses :( struggling..i know :( everything is boring. What the F did I do to my brain chemistry. I really messed myself up. I was taking Five vikes a day. If I didnt stop myself the numbers would rise. I know it. I felt like a supermom when I took them now my legs feel like they weigh a ton. Everytime I look at my beautiful xhildren and my awesome husband I could vomit. My god I love them so much..i have been so depressed.This has been going on too long. Has my brain changed forever? Am I going to crave pills forever? I feel doomed. I know this negative attitude is not helpful right now but I honestly cant help it. Im a sick puppy.

struggling123 · Answer

I am almost without vicos for 3 days and the initial withdrawal. I also feel like everything is more boring without the pills. Even if i took them in the morning and if i went to the mall or even food shopping in the afternoon and never took any pills I felt like the experience wasnt as good. Just wanted to let you know i feel how you do and im afraid i will never enjoy things as i did when i was using. GLTU

sharlola35 · Answer

My dad died 4 years ago from alcoholism at age 56.  I found him dead in his apartment.  Six months later my 36 year old brother died of a drug overdose.  Shortly thereafter my addiction to alcohol and pain meds (vicodin especially) kicked in.  I am also a mother, I have 4 young sons.  Life can be so difficult...hard to manage and man those pills made it all seem better.  Fast forward to a year ago..lost my job and my nursing license because of those pills.  Still facing massive legal trouble but hey, have not had vicodin since then.  I have really bad days still, but also real good days.  Just take it one day at a time...we have a disease that Im not certain we really ever 'get rid of'.  You are doing  great and what you are doing is not easy.  Know that your father is always with you helping you with this struggle.

all_alone1 · Answer

I feel like that to sometimes....especially when I drop a dose......those pills messed up the happy part of our brain so to speak....and from  reading some post on here...it takes time to heal....just know you are not alone....so many people on here are feeling or have felt what you are going through...and they say it will pass...you just have to give your brain time to heal...

texaslady68 · Answer

Hi Wtf!  Glad to hear you are still clean and defeating the devil pills. I went through some bad depression, but it eventually went away.  Although, around day 27-30, it hit again.  It is gone again.  I guess it is just going to take our brains awhile to rewire themselves.  i have read it can even take up to six months.

As far as being bored, maybe you can volunteer somewhere helping people or animals, or a food bank.  I find that doing things for others makes me feel really good.

Also, exercise helps produce things that our brain needs.  Go to a movie, read a good book or just take a long walk.  I cant believe how much I notice things now and days..

God Bless!

wtf1213 · Answer

Also..can someone tap into why things seem so b o r I n g without the damn pills..what is that? Will I ever feel normal again? I feel like such a loser.

wtf1213 · Answer

Hi everyone. Im still ok. Well,not ok but you knowvwhat I mean. Kind of wish I just had a broken arm or something that will go away. This is going to be something I have to fight my whole life. That scares me.

bama88 · Answer

Hi there....sorry your depressed...it takes time for the happy to come back. Its ok to have bad and good days...some are partly cloudy or plain stinky...ive been there...keep.posting and know we all.care.about you..

all_alone1 · Answer

hey girl...just wanted to drop in and say hello.

dominosarah · Answer

It's okay~~

wtf1213 · Answer

im glad you guys were thinking about me. I just hadnt had anything new to write. same stomach issues..freezing and insane depression and anxiety. I may start pm ing some people..i hope its ok!

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hey good to see your still hanging in there usually if someone goes off the radar it means there using so kudos to you grief is a tuff one and it no suprize it comes out after we detox along with every thing else negative in our lives its part brain chemistry part circumstance whe have been burring 
if you could just sneak away for 1 hr a week and hit an N/A meeting you could vent some of this to people that have been there and understand what your going threw your not even required to talk but it a great place to do so if you choose give it a try it will help get you past some of this stuff I wosh you all the best in your recovery good luck and God bless.......Gnarly

dominosarah · Answer

I am really glad you posted.  I had been wondering about you.  I so know the pain of losing a parent.  My addiction spiraled after i lost my dad.  I didnt start the grief process till i cleaned up.  I am able to smile now when i think of him.  I know the pain is gut wrenching and it tears at your soul.  Have you thought about talking with your doctor about your depression?  They do have good AD meds out there now.  We are here for you so please keep talking with us.  You can always send me a pm if you would like too.    sara

Stacy_Lynn · Answer

U r @ the right place! Hang in there, ur doing better than i! ur totally clean & that's something to be so proud of!! This awful demon is much more mental the physical ( not that it doesn't have a part) but i think once ur mind is set to quit ur 90% there!! Keep up the good work & know were all here!

wtf1213 · Answer

Thanks Lu . I always feel better after reading a post from you!

lulu747 · Answer

Ahh...
It makes sense to me...In fact, setting myself up for failure while telling myself I had to be perfect was the story of my life...
You are recognizing it and asking for support and that is a big step.  No one does this alone...I've learned that asking for help, admitting I NEED help, makes me stronger.  The fear and shame hold us hostage and shining light on them brings change...You've been through a lot and grief is a profound and painful process.  As you've been numbing your emotions with pills they are going to feel overwhelming for awhile.  A safe environment (counselling, therapy, support group) where you can work through your grief is important to your healing.   It sounds like you've been strong for everyone else and now you need to take care of yourself.  You are worth it....
Lu

wtf1213 · Answer

Thanks selfinduced. I know aftercare is so important im doing this with bo help and realize im setting myself up for failure. Im scared stiff. Does that make sense to anyone. It doesnt make sense to me :/

selfinduced · Answer

I know that down feeling that comes post pills. It sounds like you need a trusted sounding board to unload and lighten your conscious. I too took ambiem for sleep and occasionally still do. That no sleep stuff will scramble your head. Can you talk to a therapist for your depressed feelings? I connected with a few members here that I felt I could be totally open with, that really helped me. Hang in there girl......this will pass in time. xx

all_alone1 · Answer

I am here to talk to if you would like....check you box I sent you a message

wtf1213 · Answer

Thanks Angel. I have been on the forums everyday I just wasnt posing. I dont want to become repetative. Nothing really new just feeling like $hit. More mentally than physically now. I wish I felt I could trust someone enough to tell them. I have been taking Ambien to sleep. it has been helping.