Help And Support Please (Hydrocone Addiction)

[Sanchez97]

Hello everyone.  Not sure if I am supposed to start my own thread, but I wanted to make sure people read it.  I have been addicted to pain pills in the past.  I have quit several times.  The longest I lasted was a year.  However, I am using again.  I don't have a reason or excuse.  My life hit a very stressful time and I began taking hyrdrocodone again.  I take 3-4 7.5mg hyrdros/day, which is much less than what I've been into before.  But it doesn't change the fact that I still have a problem.  The last time I quit was when my wife found out.  I'm lucky to still have her.  I believe I lasted about 6 months that time.  I always tell myself I can quit whenever I want.  LOL.  Easy to say.  But here I am again, and she has no idea.  I have easy access to them at work.  I never take them home or into my house.  In fact, I rarely take any on the weekend.  But come Monday morning, I'm right back at it.  I feel like a bad person.  I break down into tears when I look at the pictures of my family in my office.  I feel like I am failing them, and myself.  I keep saying to myself that I will quit, but I haven't.  I'm not being a good husband or dad.  Sure, I do everything a dad is supposed to do.  I mow the yard, grill for the family, give baths, clean, feed the baby, change diapers, go on walks with the family and so on...  But I am blowing my family's money on pills and I simply don't feel like the man I used to be, and could be.  I have always quit on my own, cold turkey.  But I haven't ever seeked help, not even online. So here I am.  I have 2 and 1/2 pills in my drawer at work, and I want those to be the last I take.  I have been reading this forum all morning, right after I took 1 and 1/2 pills.  I know 3-4 pills 5 days a week may not sound like much to some people, but it doesn't change the fact that it has consumed me.  That is also a lot of money when you are paying street value.  I want to quit without my family and friends finding out there is a problem.  If I fail, then perhaps I will open up to everyone.  But my hope is that I can do this on my own, with help from people on here.  I have a prescription for klonopin (panic disorder).  It is legite.  I take onlly take 1mg/day, even though I am prescribed 2mg/day.  I'm hoping that the klonopin might help ease the withdrawal.  I've never abused klonopin, always take less than prescribed.  Anyway, sorry for the long rant.  I have decided to quit tomorrow.  I just want to be a good husband and dad.  I want to quit living a lie.  I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see.  So wish me luck and good luck to everyone else.  I'm all ears.  Best wishes.

[Iwantanewlifenow]

I too take klonopin for a severe, unrelated anxiety disorder...My Dr., whom I just spoke to...does not want me to stop....I suffer severe depression also.

I have legitimate pain and have never gone over my prescribed amount...but I do not like being a slave to them....I eat very cleanly and do not want to put this garbage into my system any longer...My problem is...do I CT or Taper..I hear strong opinions for both.

And while I haven't abused them..I can't deny they take the edge off of stressful situations and that signifies to me a problem...which I do not want to get worse...so I need to nip this in the bud and handle my pain a different way. It helps knowing you're not alone...:)

[gnarly_1]

HI.....well you have been down this road b/4 so you know the drill the thing is until you treat the illness it will keep coming back its not about the pills its about the addiction and the way an addict thinks... we need to change the very way we think and reason to get threw to the other side......we will be happy to support your detox but just know thats the beginning not the end like it our not your going to need aftercare to do this its going to be hard to sneak around the wife and do that but its the cure ....''our secrets keep us sick''......I understand you not wanting to drop a bomb with the post pardom blues we have had 4 babys and my wife suffered twice but sooner or later your going to have to tell her so you can take care of you.....what if work found out.....you probably be without a job you have to look at the big picture here if you want to help your wife threw the ppd you need to be ALL THERE not just part of you I really feel for young dads I was once one but my addiction lasted 16 1/2 yrs .....I watched my kids grow up in a fog its not worth it and your heading down the same road I went down do what ever it takes now to stop the madness I remember when 2 pills would get me by to...you dont want to know what it turned into ....I wish you luck with your detox there never pleasant but you can do it keep posting for support God bless.......Gnarly  

[Sanchez97]

Thank you for your post.  You are right, the detox is hard, but only the beginning.  Like I've said, I have made it 6 months to a year before.  Why did I start again?  Stupid me.  I guess I thought, well I quit for 6 months, I can quit whenever I want.  While that may be true it is not the way I need to be thinking.  Doing so will only result in relapse.  I think I will talk with my friend about it and use this forumn.  Maybe I will go see a counselor, and not just about the drugs.  If I start thinking about taking one a week from now, six months, or whaterver I might just start typing on the forum instead.  I hate to blow up the message boards with "craving a pill right now, fighting it off."  But I'll do whatever it takes.  Thanks everyone for your support.  It is time I realize how blessed I am.  I need to be there for my wonderful family, as the man I used to be, and the one everyone mistakenly thinks I still am.  I can't lose my family.  I must stop.

[dominosarah]

You cant lose you Sanchez~~~

[Sanchez97]

Exactly.  I can't lose me.  I have in a way.  Now I have to get him back.  Today is day one.  I know it is one of the easiest days, because I hardly ever use on the weekend anyway, but it is a start.  I wanted to stop during the week.  On a day I'm used to using.  I felt I needed to break the cycle in the middle of the week, because its easy to say on sunday night that I'm not gonna take one monday moring since I've already gone two days.  Then I do.  And it wasn't because of withdrawals on monday mornings.  It was simply because I could.  This time withdrawals will eventually come.  No doubt.  I'm gonna try to keep my self busy.  No doubt I'll be on here all the time seeking support.  Thank you all.  Wish me luck.  Here we go....

[Sanchez97]

Craving one sooner than I expected.  Gonna go talk to some coworkers about "normal" stuff.  Some of them are pretty entertaining.  LOL.  Try to get my mind off of it... Just a crave right now.  The real hard part won't set in for awhile.