hate mayself

[inoverhead]

74 hours off and i am in such a bad place mentally. i hate mayself for what i've done to myself my husband and mostly my 6 years old son. i hate myself for not being a good mother and able to have here with me but i know how selfish of me that would be because i can't control my emotions. have a meeting in an hour but don't want to go i am just sitting here wallowing in selfpitty! i was doing much better ealier today and i don't know why it changed so sudenly. i'm mad and don't know how to change that?

[hungouttodry]

What helped was the serenity prayer. it goes like this God grant the serenity tom accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. That helped this time it also helped me in after care program back in 95 it help keep things in perspective at the time Iwas not useing druge just felt I should go to n/a also the judge sent me there. For selling and useing pot. Imade it through the worst part of detox you are almost there I started feeling decent after 4 days I know you can do it just imagine how proud you will feel in a few more days. So GOD BLESS AND GOOD LUCK

[hiskidd]

Hey! Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up! You sound like you love your family or you wouldn't have mentioned them. That's great! You're fighting for them by fighting for you. Be sick for now, and be okay with being sick (Thanks Gnarly), because this will all be in your rearview, and then so far that you can't see it.

It will get better. If you can do ANY exercise like walking, outside or treadmill, please try it. It sounds ridiculous when it's hard to get from one room to another, but it helps. Going to meetings, or accupuncture, or whatever is usually exactly what you need to do when you don't want to. Don't  go with what you feel - go with what you know!

Praying for you!

David

[gnarly_1]

HI congrats on 74 hard earned hrs your doing this and will be free soon no longer chained to a pill bottle as for the emotions just doing a flip flop get use to it for the next week or so this is going to keep happening it all part of the detox process some one one here came up with the phrase....'''fake it till you make it'' your just going to have to force yourself to do things you dont feel like doing on the brite side you will feel better once you have done them try to get ourt of the house even if its just to run earns your so close to feeling better the physical part will let go then its the mental part you will have to deal with .....even a sad song will make you cry this is normal and can go on for a wile its your feelings coming back on line your no longer numb hang in ther keep posting for support we all want to see you make it threw this good luck and God bless.......Gnarly  

[sickofpillsandpain]

also, having a rush of emotions is typical... just keep in mind that its a good thing that your emotions are coming back... the depression and guilt that you feel ***** but in the long run you are regaining yourself and you and those that love you will be in a better place sooner then later! what were you taking and how much?

[sickofpillsandpain]

donewpills is right... you have some clean time and you should be proud of that! making that choice is a really really hard thing to do! so congrats to you for that!!!!!! we all have people that we have to aplogize to when the " drug cloud" clears. please keep posting vent as much as you want.. remeber we have been where you are and some of us are rite there at the same point with you! i lingered around this web page for a while trying to make myself let go of the pills and by posting and reading on here i finally got that strength. so like done said and like i said keep posting no judgement will be passed down on you here just helpful advice and people that have been through what you are going through. again, congrats to you on your clean time!

[donewpills]

first look at the positives ur clean 72 hrs whoo hooo. I hear u on feeling like crap; bout ur self i do too and i think at some point we all do we have hurt a lot of people and have not been ourselves for a long time. U need to talk through ur feelings whereever that may be a meeting, can u talk to ur family? use this forum to vent we will listen and help where we can. Try and think of it as past time u cant do anything bout what is done but what can u do with the new u the clean u? I hope this passes quickly for u u r not a bad person jsut a addict and we do things to our loved ones that we would never do normally, Reconsilliation of relationships is a big part once u get clean and who knows where that will lead u. try and switch ur thinking to once u get better what life will be like u can do this its going to get better keep posting to get ur feelings out blessings to u