Help with stopping pain pills

[NuStart50]

I am 50 years old and have been taking pain medication for 5 years. It has taken a huge toll on my life, I have made every bad decisions and have lived in a bubble of fantasy land, reality left the first pill I took. I have a family and was the main source for income up until 3 months ago when my wife got a job. We have a 10 year old Son. I had a career at a large company, I was there 14 years and climb the corporate ladder to a national director making well into the 6 figures, I lost the job because of attendance and attitude which is a total shock. The shock is I was always a very dependable employees, never missing work, working long hours, working at home and doing whatever was asked of me. During the the first two years of taking the medication my confidence increased greatly and I opened a consulting business and worked both jobs making over 20k per month. Somehow I have lost everything, the savings is gone, the job is gone and I'm living day by day knowing I must stop taking the pills or I don;t know what will happen. The pills created  a false sense of being, I felt for the moment and not the long-term plan, I lost all sense of planning and saving for the future. I bought expensive cars, houses and electronics. I remember going into Bed Bath and Beyond just buying things at random and feeling so good about it. I bought things we already and things we didn't need, this happen many times at many stores, I went through all of our savings in 3 years. Over the last year I have not worked and can't even imagine trying to get up each day and go to work. I do not sleep well, just up and down a lll night. I put off everything until tomorrow which tomorrow never comes, its a circle of hell. I know I must stop and stop now, then I think I have to get everything straightened out before I quit, it just keep s going around and around, its awful - totally awful. One time I ran out of my prescription 8 days before the refill, it was cold turkey and I remember the pain, no sleep, no desire to eat anything or drink anything, my legs were restless at night, I could not go anywhere, I was very depressed and completely put of it. I remember the last day prior to the script being refilled, I recall it being as bad as the seven prior. I have 23 days left of my script at 40 mg oxycotin time release and 30 mg fast acting hydrocondone, I take 3, 40 mg and 2, 30 mg per day. The 40 mg I chew up and swallow. I would like any suggestions on how to get started on eliminating these pills from my life. Anyone reading this who has just started taking these pills and is feeling fantastic believe me there is no good ending and no matter how you feel right now your life will spiral  out of control. You may think you got this and it will not happen to me but trust me it will. The just one more day, one more great feeling, one more refill is just the start to realizing you have lost control. This will destroy your entire life, family, friends and everything that you come into contact with. The worst part is it will take you away form you. I was always in the mind set that none or nothing could take me away from me, I was the leader of my destiny and took responsibility for my actions and made the nessassary changes when needed so myself, my family and all who were in contact with me would receive positive and valuable feedback and have a sense of security knowing I was around. This all went great while I was free of these horrible pills. Once I started taking them everything went wrong, I just didn't see it until about year ago. These pills have ripped body and brain apart leaving a sorry shell of a man, a brain that functions abnormally and emotions that are impossible to control. Looking back at all that has happen while on these pills I become extremely depressed and would do all most anything to change the first day I took a pain pill. Everything I have worked for and worked hard for has been messed up by me over the last 5 years. I take full responsibility for what has happen and feel terrible about it. I want to blame it on something out of my control, that is just BS, it was all in my control and I knew what I was doing, I even was warned by Doctors, Healthcare professionals and people in general about the grasp pain pills can take on your life, but I could only think of the feeling they gave me. Any and all suggestions are welcomed. Kind Regards, NuStart50

[sprich3]

Hi,
I saw someone post to you in regards to detox or treatment, and I just wanted to mention that I just finished with an in-patient medical detox a day ago, and am on day 9 at home. It was methadone assisted (very low tapered dosages), and I'm assuming I was in less misery as a result.  I am on NO methadone now, and though I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd ever be on it, it was very short-term and served a purpose.  I am also a chronic pain sufferer, and totally get how you're feeling.

I live in Canada, and it was covered by our public insurance, but I see that you're in NC...  If you could taper down with your doc, and go through the acute phase in detox, you would spare your son witnessing a very difficult process.  That's actually why I am suggesting this.  You can go to a ton of NA/AA meetings afterwards, and skip the treatment/rehab center if you can't afford it.  I do know someone who took out a loan to go, so if you can, talk to your bank.  You do NOT need a cushy Betty Ford-style rehab center.  Any place that is credible and effective will do the job just as well, if not better.

On-;line support is great, but I think you need to contact your local NA Central Office, as well.  If you don't like them, call AA.  Same thing, at the end of the day, as far as I'm concerned.  

Best of luck, and please pick up that phone.  It really is the first real step.





We have somewhat similar stories  

[kuku4kokopuffs]

"Reading the comment on the job loss and debt hurt, but I guess its reality"

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, I know you feel bad enough already, but that is the reality of it. Taken from your own post.

Whatever you choose to do, go into inpatient rehab, go CT, or try to taper yourself down is your choice. I've tried them all and the only thing I ever had any success with was Suboxone.

You can listen to the stories filled with hyperbole and hysterics about Suboxone being the devils spawn if you want, but it literally gave me a new life. One that's a hell of a lot better than the one I lived all those years, and for the first time in my life things are going my way.

You sound to me like you've hit bottom, and if that's not your bottom it's going to be pretty bleak when you hit it. You still have a chance at saving what you've got, but however you go about it, it's not going to happen though inaction on your part and I really do wish you the best of luck.

[ricart70]

OPiate addiction causes depression period. I really do not think it is because of the time release but if you want to try that before moving on to another plan then by all means do. The shorter acting pills will be quicker for you to withdraw from anyway.

[NuStart50]

No, it's not working, you are correct. The problem is I am not doing much of anything except talking about doing something.

Reading the comment on the job loss and debt hurt, but I guess its reality and your'er correct the paved road of intentions is only that, intentions. It is time to do something else.

[NuStart50]

Your comment struck a memory within, I think the depression started just after my dose was changed and the time release was added. I had taken the fast acting for two years prior with no depress. I've never had depression my whole life. As I think back I remember saying to myself, I think these time release pills are causing me to feel down.

This brings me to another thought, what if, as a start to quitting I eliminate the time release completely, stating tomorrow? I'm going to try that.

[Pat1956100]

Oh one thing I forgot to mention.
I found that the 40mg time release oxy really caused depression.  It got so bad with them that I would only take them as a last resort.  Coming off of them made me extremely depressed but once I figured out that it was from them, I could handle it better.
They most likely are causing your depression, laziness and nodding off.  
Just my 2 cents again.