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Help with withdraws
I have read a lot of posts and you all are great support for each other. What I need your help with is, my husband has been taken OC for over 3 years and until recently I didn't know how bad it was. He has been taking over 400 a month and has spent over $10,000 dollars on the drug and doctor shopping. Since I realized the how bad the addiction was and that he has spent all of our savings I have been furious. Part of the reason I feel like I am ready for a divorce is that about 20 years ago he was addicted to Crack and we lived through all of that I stood by him helped him become complete again. I am fed up with all of the lies and all the things that go alone with addiction. We have 2 grown children together and have been married for 28 year I know I can not trust him and as everyone knows no trust drives you crazy. I also want to say that I have never had a drug problem that is not saying that I didnt experiment in my teens and I occasionally have a few drinks. I do have a food addiction and an alcholic father and step father. I am far from normal. What I want to know is how can I help my husband withdraw from these pills? He has had the doc. cut the number of pills he gets from 400 to 168 but for the last few months he says he is trying to get off of them but he takes all of them in 2 weeks and then goes thru withdraws unitl he gets more and it starts all over again. He is currently out of pills and he is sick ,cant eat, sweating, cold , stomack problems and all of the other sypthoms you all have listed not to mention he is mean and moody. He is very depressed partly because I am not sure we can make it through this again as a couple. He has had the doctor give him anti depressants which I am not sure he has been taken long enough to help with that, He works a very physical job and sweats all day so when he gets home he is wiped out. Can he get through the worst part of the withdraws over the weekend since he has been out of pills for about 4 days. I have made note of the things to buy to help with the symptoms. Can anyone give me any advice? I am not sure I will stay married to him but I do want to help him get clean. Also, he went to NA before but he is not a big fan of that and he is seeing a counselor trying to get to the bottom of why he keeps doing this and that is helping with that part of the problem but I dont think it is helping with the addiction. I am sorry for rambling but I am upset frustrated and feel completly hopeless. Please help me help him.
Thank you both for the encouraging words. I thought that I had cried all I could but I guess I was wrong. I am waiting for him to come home from work so that I can talk to him about what I have read today. I am not sure he is really ready to stop. He said he is and I made him leave 3 months ago for a week and he begged to come home saying he could not do this without me since he has been back I really haven't seem any change. Last night I told him that I was not going to wait forever for progress. He for some reason thinks since he has cute down from 400 pills a month to 168 that is progress but he still takes all of them in 2 weeks. So for the next 2 weeks he goes through the withdraws the recentfulness and all the other emotions that come with the withdraws and just about the time that all stops he is able to get more pills. I am about to talk over the options you all gave me and I will let you know how it goes. As for me I know that I need a support group but right now I am just not ready I have a few really supportive friends a they have been through this and a divorce so I have a good idea of what is ahead. Thank you for your kind words and support and I will let you know how it goes. Hopefully he is really ready!
Wow, reading your post... I'm so sorry you both are having to go through this again.
I can understand the hurt, distrust, etc - I firmly believe that all addicts are great liars - myself included. We lie about our dosage, scam to get more pills, hide our use...
I also understand you're dealing not only with your husband's issues, but your own. You mentioned your own food addiction and familial alcoholism.
So, needless to say, you've got a lot on your plate.
It sounds like you're doing some great things to support your husband. But it really has to become his decision and his desire to stop the pills. How does HE feel about them? If he can get through 4 days of w/d, and then 2 weeks until his next script... he sounds physically capable of stopping... and has actually MADE it past the worst of the w/d. The counseling is a good idea to help him figure it out. But the bottom line may be that he doesn't want to quit and isn't ready.
I'm more concerned about you. It sounds like you DO want a change. What are you doing to help yourself and get the support YOU need? Can you, at least for a little while, provide all the items you listed to your husband, but then focus on yourself? I think it's important to take care of YOU. He needs to decide to take care of himself... and then supporting him should be easier.
Just my humble opinion. I am by NO MEANS an expert on this... just some thoughts. Please take care of yourself.
I can understand the hurt, distrust, etc - I firmly believe that all addicts are great liars - myself included. We lie about our dosage, scam to get more pills, hide our use...
I also understand you're dealing not only with your husband's issues, but your own. You mentioned your own food addiction and familial alcoholism.
So, needless to say, you've got a lot on your plate.
It sounds like you're doing some great things to support your husband. But it really has to become his decision and his desire to stop the pills. How does HE feel about them? If he can get through 4 days of w/d, and then 2 weeks until his next script... he sounds physically capable of stopping... and has actually MADE it past the worst of the w/d. The counseling is a good idea to help him figure it out. But the bottom line may be that he doesn't want to quit and isn't ready.
I'm more concerned about you. It sounds like you DO want a change. What are you doing to help yourself and get the support YOU need? Can you, at least for a little while, provide all the items you listed to your husband, but then focus on yourself? I think it's important to take care of YOU. He needs to decide to take care of himself... and then supporting him should be easier.
Just my humble opinion. I am by NO MEANS an expert on this... just some thoughts. Please take care of yourself.
hello and welcome to MH. as i read your post i am crying. i too am the wife of an addict. we have been married for 21 yrs he used 14 of those years. he also had a history of abuse before i met him. he has now been in recovery for 16 months by the grace and mercy of our LORD. i know all about the life of living with an addict, the lies,deceit,money issues,stealing,trust or lack there of, fighting,yelling,dysfunction,dark,dirty secrets. my husband also hit it very well, but our family suffered we have 4 children. i was so ready for divorce 18 months ago, i had had enough. i had gone to see a few lawyers. my husband has finally left the house after i had asked him for years. he got worse and worse when he moved out and was suicidal.he was a shell of the man i had married, so beaten and broken down. he went into a christian drug and alcohol program at 57 yrs. old. he stayed there for 3 months. i can tell you as long as there is breathe there is hope. i was so tired, so beat down, so angry, all the wasted years of our marriage and of our childrens lives. i too said i am happy he is getting clean but i am done. i didnt see him for the first month he was in the program. when i saw him i was again heart broken, he had lost 30 lbs. he had gone cold turkey from 20 mg of methadone and 8 mg of xanax and drinking beer everyday. he was sick,sick,sick he looked like death warmed over. but he was drug free. after 3 months i allowed him to come home he was still not well physically,emotionally,spirtually,mentally but he was getting better day by day. he started exercising, eat very healthy, we are very involved in our church, we counsel with our pastor, he volunteers at the program he was in, the healing is coming, day by day, my children are doing so much better, the trust is coming along, it is a slow process but after so many years of issues, it will take time. i now see the man i married, we are falling in love again.
yes most of the physical symptoms will be gone over the weekend. he needs to drink fluids,gatorades,vitamin waters,juices, take immodium, take vitamins,eat lightly toast,bananas, take lots of showers,it can be done he has to really want it.
yes the counseling is essential it will help with the addiction and get to the bottom of why he uses. if he didnt like na then look for support groups through churches they have one called celebrate recovery, salvation army also has groups, have you been to counseling? you also need healing. i cant tell you what to do about your marriage, you already have many years invested. if he is trying to get clean now, maybe your support would help him, you should also go to marriage counseling.
pray and ask the LORD to help you forgive your husband. bitterness is a root of evil. forgiving is different than forgetting. but as time goes on i do not dwell on the things that happened i can change them, i can only go forward.
praying for you
debbie
yes most of the physical symptoms will be gone over the weekend. he needs to drink fluids,gatorades,vitamin waters,juices, take immodium, take vitamins,eat lightly toast,bananas, take lots of showers,it can be done he has to really want it.
yes the counseling is essential it will help with the addiction and get to the bottom of why he uses. if he didnt like na then look for support groups through churches they have one called celebrate recovery, salvation army also has groups, have you been to counseling? you also need healing. i cant tell you what to do about your marriage, you already have many years invested. if he is trying to get clean now, maybe your support would help him, you should also go to marriage counseling.
pray and ask the LORD to help you forgive your husband. bitterness is a root of evil. forgiving is different than forgetting. but as time goes on i do not dwell on the things that happened i can change them, i can only go forward.
praying for you
debbie
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