Trout, I feel your pain, when will our lives start to come back together?

[Firefaery1023]

I too feel as if my life is falling apart.  There are times that I can keep it together and other times that I can't.  My husband and I don't know how to talk to eachother anymore and I used to tell him everything.  It makes me so sad!  I am healing the relationships with my brother and my parents but as my husband is not making any effort to clean up right now, we are still not connecting.  He is my high school sweetheart and it hurts so much to think that we don't even understand eachother anymore.  I am trying to change my ways now that my son is only 9 months old.  That way he won't remember how his mother was all drugged up.  But part of me knows that my husband and I were having problems before the drugs and I started abusing (partly) to numb the feelings.  I hate this feeling of falling apart, when does your life start feeling like it is coming back together?

[Firefaery1023]

Thank you for all of the support.  I appreciate it, I really need it right now.  Plus I didn't sleep at all last night.  So I am a bit exhausted and a little over emotional.  My mouth is throbbing I either have a sinus infection or a cavity that is infected and it is very painful.  I am dealing though, in the best way that I know how, talking to all of you.

[Clamity2]

You are losing focus again!!!  WHO should you focus on?????  You. O.K or focus on your 9 month old baby. I can't imagine having someone use around me because I'm way too weak and would use. But I have seen it done many times tthat a spouse gets clean and the other doesnt' .  You are stronger than him,. you are just pissed he is using and you choose not to. What a great mother you are.

[Firefaery1023]

Thank you, I don't know why I am having such a tough couple of days.  I really feel as if the withdrawals were easier than this.  

[Firefaery1023]

I guess it is just the beginning, the withdrawals are the easiest part if you think about trying to get your body and life back without pills, that is the tough part.  I just don't feel like I can make it sometimes, but I think of my son and know that I have to for him.

[cathy5841]

((((((((firefaery))))))  i was just wrapping you in a great big hug.  i am sorry you are having all these emotions right now...but, look at it this way...you are actually feeling..that is a good thing.  look at all the time you wasted being numb.  when you are numb you cant fix anything.  now you have the ability to work on what is wrong.  you cant make your hubby quit but you can sure make him think about it.  when he sees you progress through sobriety, he may not say anything yet but he will think about it.  i definatley will take time for your brain to work again, so dont get frustrated.  just take each day as it comes....and dont give up.  good things come to those who wait.  love ya girl
cathy

[Firefaery1023]

I know it is important that our baby has at least 1 sober parent.  I just wish he would want to get sober, he has no urge.  Everytime he gets a bottle he takes about 20 a day and runs out in 3 days, then gets suboxone and methadone from a buddy to avoid withdrawals and does it all over again.  I am just an emotional wreck right now, there is no way that he would want to try being sober.

[dove3053]

I feel at loose ends alot these days. I know I need to get to some meetings and meet new people but I just can't find the energy. I also get depressed more. I wasn't depressed when I was on the pills. I think it's one of those things that time will take care of. I have done the hard part by getting off the pills so I was expecting that everything would be ok when that was done. Instead it looks like it's just the beginning.

Dove

[Clamity2]

In one of the programs they say "attraction rather than promotion" make him want what you have.  You need more time to really get all the benefits you will show him. Don't forget to focus on your goals for you! Maybe you will grow apart or he will get sober but the important thing for you to control is the baby has a clean mom. Thank God
Blessing and Love your way

[confused456]

I sort of felt the same a week or so ago and it was wierd because I got up to use the potty, and when I came back, my hubby was standing over the desk reading!!!! I did not say a word and actually walked into the laundry room to give him time to read, he of course saw me and walked away, but hey, it was a start!! Hang in there. It will get better soon!!

[Firefaery1023]

I did show him the forum but he just said "yeah, that's nice".  I really want us both to clean up but I know that he isn't ready yet and he has been abusing longer than I have.  Its probably because he always made me feel guilty for doing it but I never say anything to him about him abusing the pain killers.

[swtbreezie]

You can't make him ready to get off pills he has to do that.  Just keep telling him how wonderful and clear headed you feel and if you have extra energy show him this too, laugh at stuff so he hears you maybe he will see how much better you are and how much you can feel life now and tust me I think he will want it too.  It sounds like you really love each other and love is what will fix things for you.  Have you shown him the forum?  Sometimes it helps them to understand just exactly what you went through along with others and maybe motivate him to do as you did sweetie.
hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and lots of love going your way
swtbreezie