Spouse of addict

[Lostnow]

My husband got addicted to pain medication after a car accident 5 years ago.  For the past 3 years, he has been addicted to narcotics as a result.  After several attempts at quitting and many physical, mental and emotional setbacks along the way, he has been successful so far on Suboxone.  Although he is not cured (can anyone ever really be cured?) he is more himself than I have seen him in years.  I am proud and thankful for that.  However, I do have a question.  From what I understand, addiction is caused by a change in brain chemistry that makes the body dependent on pain medication.  Different treatment plans are designed to target the change / reaction and alter the brain chemistry so that the dependency ceases, or is at least controlled.  

My question is:  can the brain chemistry be altered after years of addiction to the point that the person himself changes?  Although my husband is more stable, I still see flares of anger over minor things and being cold toward things he would normally care about or be affected by.  For instance, I feel (and my husband has told me) that I have been incredibly tolerant to the mood swings, physical problems, etc. that go along with addiction / withdrawals over the years.  I actually feel that I haven't had my husband or a normal marriage for a few years.  Once I saw that the treatment was working, I was looking forward to getting back on track and rebuilding a marriage that had lost alot (emotionally and physically).  However, after a few fierce arguments, I have learned that my husband feels that we are fine and that he is giving all he has to give.  Our intimacy is practically out the window  - his lack of desire is due to the pain medication and mine is due to his attitude and personality change!!  We also seem to share nothing but bills and living space, although he seems to be content.  He also is way less tolerant in traffic and people in general and even to things that his family and friends are going through that would have bothered him years ago.  

I have been emotionally and mentally struggling with this - it has been a tough battle and I really don't want to give up now.  But every time we fight over something ridiculous, I feel that I take the high road and gloss over issues that don't seem to be important in the big picture.  I feel like a part of me (and us) is missing and I now know that he doesn't feel the same way - that means he isn't missing anything or longing for the togetherness we once had and I have to know if I'm in this relationship alone.  I don't want to walk away - I know that we are better than this.  But maybe my husband isn't the same person anymore.  Can anyone help?                

[mauz]

I know what you are going through and yes your husband isn't the same person anymore.
My husband started taking Vicodin 2 years ago and with that came the change,
he lost interest in me got moody and also started lying and cheating on me.
I cought him cheating 3 weeks ago and he didn't even care,
He came back from his so called business trip and filed for divorce.
We have 3 dog and 4 cats that we rescued over the years he loved those animals dearly and now he just leaves them behind with me.
He told me that he is not in love with me anymore and wants out.
I told him to get off the drug and he said he did which I don't believe ( showed no sign of withdrawl symptoms and said it wasn't bad at all ).
He was a loving caring men and now he is a lier,cheater and a cold hearted person that I don't know anymore.
trust me it brakes my heart to see him leave but I keep telling myself this is not my husband this is a bad byproduct ot the drugs. Do I realy want this ?  NO
I still love him very much but I do have to let him go and let him make his mistakes.
I have to go on take care of me and my animals.
Yes for sure Drugs took my husband away from me.

take care and good luck.

[blonde21]

i am in th same thing as you with my bf of 5 yrs yet... WE are both addicted to vicodine and norkos the higher dose i was given them and i also buy them from friends. i need off them as well and im scared it is a body and mental addiction for him so help him with both ,it is scary and hurtful yet if you love him enough you will stick by his side and get him help he needs. im also on xanax for my anxiety which i need past 4 yrs and im scared i cant breath past 4-5 days all day long it is hard to breath well. im going thru emotional stress with the vicodine and smoking cigs and need support from others to geet me off this hurtful drug =( i dont feel psycially connected with bf that much yet i know i love him and it hurts us by both being addicts to a drug!