Help!!!

[Natdivine]

I've been addicted to lorazepam which is a prescription medication for anxiety for 2 years.I'm from Russia and came here to US to be with my husband.When I got here I started feeling very depressed and homesick,didn't sleep like for a month straight.I couldn't go to a doctor because I didn't have any insurance so I just kept losing my mind day by day turning into psycho... So one day my husband finally decides to take me to a doctor but he was still mad about it,thinking that I can just put myself together and get better on my own.So this doctor prescribed me cymbalta,then trazadone,then tramadol,diazepam,lexapro,celexa,ambien but nothing helped,I still couldn't sleep.Then he gave me phenobarbital and even that didn't knock me out.So I ended up going to a psychiatrist.He prescribed me Prozac,Zyprexa and lorazepam.I still remember that first time that I took lorazepam and it felt good.For the first time in months I could finally fall asleep and relax.So that's how I got hooked.I didn't care that it was habit-forming,I was out of control,I couldn't  stand the pain and insanity I was going through,I wasn't thinking,I was just taking these pills...And it only took copuple weeks to become addicted to pills.I started to take more than prescribed and one day doctor said that his lisence is more important and he can't refill my prescription anymore.Yeah,he let me cold-turkey.At that time I didn't even know that it was possible to taper off the pills.That day I had a seizure.That sure was scary,of course I don't remember how it happened but my husband was there and told me about it.hen my doc gave me more pills and shortly after I went to back to Russia to get some treatment.I felt fine for a while but when I came back here everything started all over again.And I got back to pills...And went back to Russia again to get another treatment.And again I came back here and here I'm back on pills...When I ran out I ended up calling 911.At the hospital they sent me to a detox center,a free one and it was horrible there...I stayed there for 4 days only and of course that didn't help because there they were still giving me pills,just alot less.So I got out 8 days ago and it's been a nightmare.I feel worse and worse day by day and there's no way to  get help.I went to see a doctor at the state funded walk-in crisis center but she jsut gave me prescription for gabapentin which made me feel only worse,can't even explain how it feels,absolutely insane,I'm in so much pain,I'm dying...It literally gets worse and worse everyday and theres' no one I can ask for help but I don't want to die,I want to live...So please,help me!!!HELP...

[kimmieb]

Nat, i'm so sorry to hear of your condition....you say you went back to Russia and "got treatment" and felt better....what exactly did they do for you?  did  you take other medicines?  i, too, was on lorazepam (ativan), started at .5 mg every night to help me sleep (prescribed only for insomnia, not anxiety, as i had tried every other single sleep med on the market and NOTHING helped)....over a period of 5 years, my prescription crept up to 3 mg every night.....for a VERY brief period of time (weeks maybe), i went through an extremely trying emotional period of my life (had hysterectomy, hormones were ripped out, couldn't get them balanced or replaced, felt like i was losing my mind in every sense of the word, depressed, crying all the time, etc.)...anyway, i immediately decided to up my dosage of the ativan (made the decision myself, did not tell my doctor) and started taking some during the day as well....well, guess what?  my condition got worse and worse.....the anxiety and depression got really bad....and when i finally fessed up to my doctor, he told me it was the ativan that was doing that to me....so all these terrible things that you're feeling could very well be related to the fact that you've been taking too much ativan....now, you're right,  you absolutely can NOT get off of it cold turkey without risk of seizures, even death, so do NOT do that....you have to find a GOOD doctor who will help wean you off (if necessary) or at least wean you down and then find the root of your problems and help you with whatever therapy or medication or a combination of both....but i swear to you, it really sounds, from your post, like it's the ativan talking....you're not going crazy....it's the medication taking it's toll....

i agree with the advice given above, find a GOOD doctor in your area....if you want to pm me,....please do.....i'll tell you where i live and if you're anywhere in the vacinity, i know of a phenomenal psychiatrist who got me completely off the ativan in a surprisingly short period of time....

good luck, hope some of this helps here, and keep posting with questions if you need more help.....

kim

[Sajonna]

I meant to say in the first paragraph * I had NO insurance at first.

[Sajonna]

I get what you are saying.  My family is from Europe  and when we first got here, I had some anxiety too.  It went away but then returned with a vengence.  Doctor gave me Xanax too BUT only on the condition I went through counseling too at least once a week.  I too had insurance at the time so I went to my county mental health facility.  

Why don't you get out the white pages telephone directory and then look in the blue page section under whatever County you live in.  Look for Mental Health.  Call them an make an appointment to see if you qualify for treatment. Do not tell them on the phone about your Xanax usage but tell them you have major anxiety and are depressed.  You will have to go there first and see a financial person to see if you qualify.  I am sure you will qualify.

Please note this Nat:  You need to get to the root of your anxiety.  Sometime medication can be a blessing- other times a curse.  They do have medication that will ease your anxiety.  The doctor will determine which is best.

After you get a doctor there, normally one is a therapist (that does not prescribe meds but will help you find why you have this.  The other doctor will be a pshychaitrist (one that will prescribe meds to help.) The therapist and psychaitrist will work together to find somethign for you. Once you get your doctor and therapist- BE honest with them and tell them your regular medical doctor gave you these meds and tell them everything you said here. But only do this AFTER you get your doctors. Other wise they may thing you are just trying to get in to get drugs.

When I went about 25 years ago to the county facitlty I had great doctors.  They also knew I had no money so they got me on a state assisted medical program and I got free meds.
Hang in there.  I am so against regular medical doctors trying to treat anxiety and depression with just pills.  This is what happens.  They make things worse.

SJ

[NautyOne]

Wow !  ok........so what is your pain?  How much ativan were you taking per. day?  I take ativan not everyday, only a week before and after that time of the month because I go insane........I don"t really like it >>>>>it wires me up > sorry my keyboard is going crazy>>>can you answer the questions and also did you say when you went to russia you were fine? or getting treatment there?  what kind of treatment were you getting? and when you come here you freak out.....I'm just a little confused.

Nauty.............