How do I know if I am an alcoholic

I am a 20 year old and I'm 5'6" weigh 100lbs and I have become a bottomless pit when it comes to drinking. I made a deal with myself not to drink anymore during the weak because everytime I start drinking I drink until either the beer is gone or I just get tired and go to bed. I have literally drank 18-20 beers a night without even "feeling" intoxicated. If I run out of beer before I get tired I get furious and panic trying to find more. Sometimes I have black outs and can't remember parts of conversations when I drink. If I feel uncomfortable in a class or social situation, alcohol is where I turn. I don't want to quit all together but I also cant drink in moderation. I'm not even old enough to buy my own alcohol yet.. so I can imagine what next year will bring. Do you think its possible I might be or become an alcoholic or just dependent?

[Frank]

In my opinion, having once been a heavy drinker myself (read: alcoholic), you are an alcoholic already by your own words because you:

Make resolutions to stop, but don't
Panic when no alcohol is available
Have blackouts - a very dangerous phenomena
Use alcohol as a social crutch
Admit you can't drink in moderation
Fear the future

Next year? Worse than this year. And even worse the year after that; and the one after that, and the one after that, and so on until you have lost everything, including your self-respect for the many things you will have lowered yourself to do in order to obtain alcohol.

There are more features to alcoholism than are presented in the above list. But don't worry, you will eventually experience them all. And when you do you will be at the very bottom of a very deep, very dark pit with UP the only place to go because you will have sunk to the very bottom of human existence.

I suggest you rent the movie "The Days of Wine and Roses" and also get yourself to an AA meeting. You don't have to say anything there, or even to admit you're an alcoholic. Just go and listen. I believe if you do this, you will discover a place where no sane person wants to go. You have the strength inside you to emerge victorious from this confrontation with your demons. I do hope you can find it.

[Vikki]

Well it all sounds like good ideas to me and I do want help but I don't want to quit drinking all together and I know that is  what everyone thinks I should do but its not that easy.  Plus does AA cost money because my mom supports me and I can't tell her I have a drinking problem...she doesn't even know I drink. I know I have the stregnth to quit its just a matter of when I feel ready to make the decision. I don't drink and drive or anything like that so the only person I'm hurting is myself.

[Dalene]

Vikki, Frank's words are right on target.
Regardless of having the feeling you are hurting no other person, do you really feel that way?  Are you trying to convince us or yourself you're not hurting anyone else.  Perhaps the reason you don't wish to involve your mother or go to AA is then you would be admitting?  Your feelings and questions are perfectly normal; nevertheless, you are not the only person to feel this way.  That's why there is an AA.  They all have been there.  Perhaps you aren't giving your mother credit where credit is due - your mother sounds like she would be there for you.  Good luck.  Run, don't walk, do it now, AA.

[Elaine]

Dear Vikki:

  I do believe you have a problem with Alcohol.  Having "Black Outs" is one of the most common problems Alcoholics have.  I have been in the AA Program for over 8 and 1/2 years now.  I never drank to be social.  I always drank to get drunk.  Has your drinking caused you problems with family, your job, or school?  If so, I do hope you contact your local AA in the white pages of the telephone book.  They will be able to help you and yes dependence upon Alcohol is part of the Disease.  There is help if you sincerely want it.  Good luck in your venture.  It is never to young or to old to be Alcoholic.  

       Sincerely,

       Elaine, a fellow Alcoholic.

[William]

Vikki--- I  seen your question and I have a drinking problem have the same problems that you have written.I beleive  sorry I know I will always have them,liquor does different things to me than a lot of other people.I am now 52 and stopped drinking in 91 I have wished so often I had stopped earlier rather then have gone through hell.Please honey talk to somone that maybe you might know that has been there.I can tell you this your drinking will only get worse please catch it early and realize the situation your in.

Regards William

[bob]

Vikki,

AA charges no fees or dues, there are no pledges to sign, no promises to make to anyone. Anyway....how much are you managing to squeak out of your mothers support for the booze? Anyway, having been in recovery for almost 2yrs. I can tell you alot about your yets (the things that you could never even imagine doing for or on alcohol). I did those and more. I came from a very well off (but dysfunctional) family....and I ended up having sex with men for booze and dope. The really cool thing is that you don't have to go there. And, no one ever said that you don't have to stop drinking forever....or even totally. Just don't have a drink today. Then, when you get up tommarrow...don't drink, and if you have to, break that down even further....don't drink for the next hour....or the next half hour....or the next 5 seconds....then when yuo've done that, repeat that....and you'll have a whole day when you're done. Find AA....or NA. They're both in the phone book. AA deals with alcohol only...NA deals with addiction in any form, not just drugs. Good luck...find a meeting...and don't drink just for today.

Bob

[ed]

Vicki, all af the above posts are right on, My suggestion would be to get a copy of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and read the first 164 pages of it , also begining on page 317 is some personal stories "They stopped in time" . You might check them out, really I would like to see you read it all and attend some meetings, I hope that you can get into recovery while you are young and save yourself many years of pain and sorrow like the fool writting this to you did, That fool now is a member and has been sober for the past 8 1/2 years . It will work for you too, one day at a time. Ed

[J.L]

AA works.  Try it!

[Qubix]

On my own opinion, just be yourself. You must control the desire you have involving alcohol 'coz I admit that in my 17th year in this World, I just a starter in a sense of alcohol drinker.
I drink moderately because as for now I'm just a student depending on my parents pocket.

Learn to control the other the side of you, I'm not an expert in advicing to those People who are a Alcoholic but I'm saying this on my own experience.

I hope that all teenager like me can CONTROL THERE AFFECTION TO THE ADULT LIQUID!

[CATUF]

I couldn't put my response to your question any better than Frank did, but I will offer a snippet from Chapter 3 of AA's Big Book:
=========
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.

We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
==================

One additional response I would make is to your assertion that "the only person I'm hurting is myself."  I know this will sound rude and judgmental, but I honestly don't mean it that way.  That "only myself" comment shows that you're in a very self-centered place at the moment.  Even though it may be perceived as rude, I don't feel bad about telling you that because: a) I was as self-centered as they come by the time all the wheels fell off my wagon (even though I didn't think so); b) being self-centered is simply part of being an active alcoholic or addict; and c) it's a thing we must all come to understand and change if we are to Recover.

There is no such thing as only hurting yourself.  I don't know anything about you, but I already know that your mother is being deprived of the daughter she was meant to have, because of your drinking.  How many others are missing the part that Vikki should be playing in their lives because Vikki is too busy drinking?

I have been taught that "being self-centered doesn't mean that you think alot of yourself, it means that you think of yourself alot."  What we need to replace self-centeredness with is humility, which is quite a different thing than the humiliation (often self-imposed) by which we often attempt to launch our Recovery.  I've seen a catchy little phrase for humility too: "Humility doesn't mean thinking less of yourself, it means thinking of yourself less."

CATUF
Day-847

[dfr3]

I am 10 years sober and at 20 I was a full blown alcoholic although, I could NOT imagine my life without it.  I wish someone had told me to go to AA.  Once you open up your ears and really listen to some fellow alcoholics you will see the pain continuing to drink brought about.
You may want to attend a teen AA meeting because NOT everyone has to hit rock bottom to get sober.  but others do!  What a shame!  Please just check out a few speaker meetings and see what you think.  GOD BLESS and good luck
MY name is JILL and I am an alcoholic
please keep us posted

[Gearhead]

I am in the same situation yuo are. I cant stop drinkinking once I start. I can admit to myself that I have a problem but not out in the open I am 39. I wish i had the courage to Quit.

[fishmeal]

Thank you Frank and Catuff it's always nice to see you somewhere around.  

To Vickki just quit and show 'em all!  Truth is for me alcohol is also a stimulant because of the alergy (allergy) I have to it.  My first drink after not drinking for a while, I usually have a little bit of the shakes until a couple more drinks level that out.  I did drink everybody else under the table too.

You would do much better in life to run as fast and as far away as you can from it.

Frank and Catuff all you can do is try.  The sad truth is that I never listened and ended up in prison and on down the list to whatever else you can think of.  It is as they say, cunning baffling and powerful.  

Vikki I think AA meetings are great.  For me, I just can't stand sitting in those meetings and maybe that's why I've had all of the trouble that I've had in my life,  (I go to Church now and that does it for me).

Best
Fish

[ironpetal09]

I was alcoholic at 18 years. I had to get as much down my neck as possible even when ı vomited ı continued to drink.  I became aggressıve and violent.  I had a phenomenal capacity for alcohol.  I was never happy with one drink my drinking became torrential.  


I would constantly examine analyse things to death to 'educate' myself about my drinking - try and find reasons for it or not as the case maybe or justifications.  I never got to the rooms until my early 40s by that time I was chronic.  Dont let this happen to you try and go to an AA meeting - there all your questions will be answered.  

[wildwoodone]

Wow, 9 year old thread....

[ironpetal09]

Wonder if the writer of this thread got sober?

[xxljonesxx]

i know exactly how you feel and i'm scared too. im about to be 20 next month...and i have a drinking problem as well. my alcohol tolerance is that of a 200 pound man, i can drink a case and still function...even drive home. it hasn't always been like that, i guess i've just got alot of practice, even though i'm only 19. guys are always in awe of my at parties, and try to challange me to drinking games. Everyone always tells me how "impressed" they are with my drinkning abilties but i'm really just ashamed. this isn't a skill i'm proud of!! and on top of everything it's expensive, lol...i would much rather be like most other females, drink a few beers...feel tipsy, call it a night. but no, i have to stay up all night slamming beers just to be able to fall asleep. it's a ususally a nightly thing...not just at parties, and that's wut *****. i certainly don't want to do this forever. so i know how you feel girl...life ***** when you can drink like a fish,lol. i hope you and i both can find another skill to hone in on to take our minds of off drinking. bc, just like you...i'm terrified of wut things are gunna be like when i'm 21 and can go to bars and clubs....TRAINWRECK.

[TheBeginningTheEnd]

I live in Atlanta, Ga. an I'm a alcoholic.. I went to treatment 3 years ago an my spouse or Mom didn't attend Alinony so I did (30) days and felt great!!! Came home and my spouse and spoken to my Therapist she told him about having Alcohol in the home, why the first time we went out he takes me to the dance club an drinks until he gets drunk (something he Never Does)???? needless to say I started drinking now we a separated an married for 10 years, I wreck my car an haven't worked in 5 months.  He went out an told other people about my drinking an (ladies) got him an apartment, stop paying to mort. on our home.  Vikki that is what can happen rock bottom.  I can't seem to find AA meetings here an if I see a place where it will be held, I call an no answer so I went to a website an it does help, but nothing like in person!! will post site for you.  Hope this helps, I'm 41 years old an to Old for this $%

[m_jewellz]

If you are still a member of Medhelp, you should put a comment on this thread and let everyone know how everything worked out for you. I mean, god, this is like 11 years old. Im kinda curious.

[zilly84]

Wow! I wonder how Vikki is doing now that she's 31? Hopefully her not being on this site is because she sobered up and not that her life is a complete living hell. I'm only 26 and a lot has changed since I was 20, alcohol wise. I literally cannot drink with out going over board and terrible things happening. Whether its cause someone else is drinking, or cause it's me. Nothing but terrible things happen. I quit forever today, again. :)

[retroboy19]

Hi realised i had a problem with drink when i cant remember what happened and how i got home and have become
aggressive too taxi drivers and friends.
I am not a big drinker and only usually drink larger but i now realise the total drinks i consume in one night are too may.
It will be hard but i know i have the will power to cut down completly and have promised myself i will only drink 2 -  3 but with soft drinks on a night out.Good luck too all of you,i dont see myself as an alcholic but realise i have a problem so before it gets out of hand i am moderating what i drink
to see the effects
Regards
Marcus

[eminwash]

Hi, I think I may have come to the conclusion I have a problem. I am 36 years old and have been around alcohol my whole life. I don't think I always had a problem, but the last 5 years or so, I definitely have increased consumtion. I made a complete fool of myself at a party this last weekend. It was one of those days where you have a few coctails during the day (Saturday) and then coast through the rest of the day. Which may have been ok if the plan was to go to sleep early, but I had a party to go to. I was pretty much lit by the time we got to the bar. I don't remember what I ate for dinner, I don't remember conversations, I don't remember coming home. My husband has filled in the blanks for me as well as telling me I was flat out mean to him. I don't know when this happened, but this isn't the first time I've had episodes like this. I have to stop. I've never actually quit drinking before, except through 2 pregnancies, which was easy. I know I can do this but I'm scared it will be like I've lost my "life" I'm used to. Alchohol is around me constantly and I know it's going to be hard, but I can't do this anymore...I'm too smart for this and I want a better life for myself and my family. It has helped reading responses from others and learing how similar some of the stories are.

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm sorry you're struggling with alcohol addiction - you might find more support if you go to the "alcoholism" forum for this problem offered on this website.  Good luck to you.  :)