Really Want and Need Support

[Back2Reality]

I'm new here, so not sure if this is the correct place to put this.  Excuse me if it's not.

I am tapering off of Hydrocodone. Long story short about a year and a half ago I met a neighbor who announced to me that she always had pills because she sells them.  I had used them (as prescribed) after bad dental surgery in January of 2009 so I knew how they felt and I liked it.  Bottom line is that she started giving them to me (not her fault, I'm an adult, I took them).  I NEVER had to be without them because she would always just give them to me.  A few months ago she started selling them to me.  

This came at the perfect time because my mom became ill and passed away, I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me and was engaged to someone else, but was still coming to see me, emailing me, texting me ... wouldn't leave me alone.  I actually had to take a 2-week leave of absence (which I've never done in 30 years of working) because when I found out he was engaged on top of my mom passing away, I lost it and was never so depressed in my entire life.  

I knew all along this wasn't a good thing to be doing and that I had to quit.  At my highest point I would take 3-5  7.5 mg. pills, but that was only on the weekends.  During the week I would only take 2 per night.  I know that I am risking losing my job if I am drug tested.  I KNOW I have to stop.  I want to feel like myself again, not this person that goes to work and functions well, exercises and has this huge secret that she can't tell anyone.

I live with my 24 year old son who doesn't know.  None of my friends know (well except my neighbor).  The only family I have near me is my son.  I feel very alone and am hoping for some support here.  I do have a therapist that I do phone sessions with because during the time all this was happening, he moved to another state.  Perfect timing again.

I took 2 pills on Monday, 1 1/2 pills on both Tuesday and Wednesday, and 1 pill tonight.  I plan to keep tapering off until Wednesday of next week which is going to be my last night of using them.

The main thing I need support with is that my neighbor (who also works with me) always keeps me very aware of the fact that she ALWAYS has them.  I know that one block away the pills are there.  Last week I was tapering off and when I got down to one pill I DID NOT call her.  All of the sudden I got a text from her letting me know she had them and would give them to me.  I realize that this person is not a friend.

Please someone let me know what I can expect as far as withdrawals from this low amount and also how to NOT CALL my neighbor and give in to the cravings that I know will come.  I am VERY SCARED.

I appreciate any and all help that you guys can give me.

[chronicmistake]

Listen to Vic!! she/he knows what they are talking about.  She/he was the one that told me to stop tapering and just jump!  So yesterday I jumped!  It is the early morning of day 2 for me and I have all my medications ready for any WD symptoms that get too out of hand.  I am very scared because it is start of day 2 and I don't feel any WD yet.  I am waiting for the train to hit but trying to tell myself that I am going to have the flu.  You can do this and the people on this forum are full of experience and knowledge.  GO FOR IT!!

[vicki595]

Hi~  The physical withdrawal for you probably won't be as bad as the mental. Really focus on that. Trama gave you some good suggestions. They work! Get everything you need ahead of time.
Just a thought: if you stop tonight,you'll be okay tomorrow and have the whole weekend to get through the physical symptoms. I would think about doing that. Seriously,you don't need to taper any more than you have.
As far as this "friend" is concerned: Tell her up straight"No more. Don't ask. Don't offer."
You have to do that and if she's smart she won't push. I'm sure she wouldn't want to get you angry,you know?
Post here often...there's much support!

[LeaAnn807]

Hi!  OMG....NO she is not a friend.  No way!  She wants to give them to you so that you stay addicted.  You just have to tell her, calmly, that you do not want anymore pills, and you don't blame her, but you are trying to get better.  Give it a try.

The WDs shouldn't be too awful.  You were not on a huge dose, PLUS you tapered.  That is a good thing for you.  Take hot baths.  Advil.  Heating pad.  Mag/Cal/Zinc supplement from Wal Mart will help bunches.  Don't take the otc sleeping meds if you are having RLS.  It makes it worse.  Take some Hylands Restful Legs for the RLS and Hylands leg cramps for the aches in your calves, if you have them!

Good luck honey!  You can do this.  Stay strong, ok?

[FassFeat]

Do it your way as to the taper, some will say it drags it out, others say it will help in the end. The main thing is that when you take your last one, don't look back. Turn the ringer off on your phone, delete anyone out of your phone that has ever supplied you. I had 3 or 4 suppliers, I called each one and told them what I was doing, they were all proud and haven't contacted me since other than to ck on me. (1 of them is on day 3 now) Maybe inspired someone. Look at the health pages at top right of home page for what to prepare for.. If you are going to taper, get all the supplies you will need and buckle in for 2-4 rough days. I was a very heavy user for over 3 yrs and I quit CT 10 days ago. You will get plenty of support here. Congrats on decision to quit and welcome to the forum. Andrew