How will I live without them?

[matrix2210]

Hi there...I feel kind of silly posting this. I have never been one to blog..lol. But I see people post stuff on here and they seem to get some answers and some sort of relief, so i think I will give it a try. I am in my early 30's, a wife and mother, and have the body of a 60 year old! I am on disability for Arthritis, ulcerative colitis, and mood disorder. The UC was the first thing that I became sick with. I took pain meds amongst other stomach meds as needed. i did this til I was about 26. Due to the auto-immune disease I already had and the strong family history of RA(arthritis), I began having symptoms when I was about 27. Its primarily in my feet, ankles, knees, and hips. I began taking 1 Vicodin 5/500 every 4-6 hours as needed. It started not working so i took it closer together, and then starting taking 2 at a time. It just started not working more and more, and that just meant I had to TAKE more and more. I was afraid of the amount of tylenol i was taking so I asked them to switch me to Norco. I am currently on Norco 10/325. I take 3 when I first get up.  Its the 1st thing i do. I usually have to take another dose after lunch and then before dinner and then 2-3 before going to bed. The most i think i have taken is 15 in a day, usually I have to take about 12 per day. I have tried to cut back but the pain is way to bad. The leg pain from withdrawls on top of the pain i already have in my legs is UNBEARABLE. I have tried dealing with the breakthrough pain with tramadol, but have to take 5-7 of those just to get any effect. I know that I have a DEPENDENCE on the Norco, and I think its becoming an addiction as well. I dont enjoy the 'HIGH" feeling from them, but i am REALLY irritable if I dont take them.  , I am in sooo much pain and so irritable without them, that if I am out, I will end up in the ER for pain. I dont want to live having to take 12 Norco a day, but cannot take the painful, aggrevating withdrawls.  I set up an appointment to speak with a dr. about a drug called suboxone. i am just wondering if this will be a good option for me, as I don't want to trade one for another, but I dont want to keep spending tons of money on Norco each month. I have a  10 year old daughter who looks up to me and when i have my Norco, I am the best mom. Without it, I am in so much pain and so irritable that I'm tearing everyones head off. Each day I keep telling myself i will try and wean to less, but it never happens..Any Thoughts? i would appreciate anything you have. : )

[gnarly_1]

IF YOUR going to do sub try fro the 21day detox it has worked for many of our members if not that the 90day has aLso been effective start out on your starting dose then begin to taper as soon as you start there are lots of sub members here to give you sound advise all I can offer is what I seen work methadone is my expertize good luck to you with this keep us posted and bring up those short term programs to your doctor long term sub can be ruff coming off off God bless......Gnarly

[matrix2210]

Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to help me! I went to the doctor 3 days ago. I discussed with him my concerns. together we weighed the pros and cons of me going on suboxone, and decideded that it would be easier for me to wean off of the suboxone pretty quickly after going on it, than to try to wean off of the norco. Whether or not that is true, time will tell. He said I need to go in Thursday, and cannot take my  meds the day before. i am really scared. its been a very long time since I have gone a day w/o them. he was telling me that suboxone has different blockers than norco, and that the wd would go away immediatly. Trying to ration my norco til then as i dont want to have any left over once i go.  he told me that i could start on a dosage that would equal less than my norco    so it will be easier to wean myself off. i have tried weaning myself before, but ended up taking more. I am really scared about how bad the pain is going to be. With my RA, i can handle just the RA pain, but when you add the pain in my legs due to restless legs, i cry and scream. I have tried pain management in the past, with no avail.they just kept putting me stronger and stronger meds. I DID wean myself back down to norco.  one thing I finally did after I met with the doctor, is tell my hubby that I DID have a problem. He knew I took them, but no idea just how many. He was pretty supportive. . This really is not the best time for me to try this, as we are having so many stressful problems right now, but if i dont do it, i never will. I have tried to go Cold turkey, but theres no way. after just a few hours, im trying to find a way to get more norco. After speaking with the doctor, its not just dependancy, I AM ADDICTED. Thats the first time I have ever admitted it to myself or anyone else. I have to try this as the norco is affecting my liver and kidneys, and i am already sick as I want to be. I will update everyone after my appointment on thursday. Thanks again for all of your support!

[erric111]

i have to say that suboxone is just as addicting and if stopped cold turkey you'll have w/d too..just as bad as narco..its not a pain realiver either..i stopped cold turkey for the first time 8 days ago and feel so awesome..after day 3 and start of day 4 i was feeling somewhat btr..by day5 i was good..i would try weening down..but never succeded..i was taking 25-30 perc 10/325..so i know its possible..you just truely have to want to quit..goodluck and godbless..one last thing..after you do this you'll need a support group to stay clean..going back on after you go through this is soo conter productive..believe me i've been on and off for 6 years..but quitting coldturkey gives you a kind of intitlement of the desease..goodluck

[mellie4]

It is very possible you have become addicted to your pain meds.  But you also have conditions that cause terrible chronic pain.  There's a pain management forum here that is very helpful and you might want to consider posting there as well.  I'm a pain patient and I struggled wondering if I was addicted, though I never, ever misused my medication.  (Studies show that there is a very low rate of addiction with patients using pain medication for chronic pain.)  I am physically dependent, but there is a difference.  At one point, they had me on way too many meds, and I tapered down.  I still take a low dose but now my pain is better controlled.  But many people with chronic pain need to change medications, use long-acting medications, etc.  Sometimes people with chronic pain need to increase pain meds because their condition has worsened.  Only you really know if you are addicted.  You should talk all this over with your physician.  That way, if it is determined you are addicted, your doctor can help you whether you decide to go cold turkey or taper.  When I decided to taper down, I felt like I wanted to be on less or no meds and that if things didn't work out, I could always go back on my meds.  I don't regret tapering down.  I am on a much more manageable dose of medication and my pain is somewhat better than it was.

[gnarly_1]

HI welcome to the forum .......you have found yourself in the sam position as many of us it good you dont like the high .....I lived for it although I was chasing pain away in my back you get use to the way the pills make you feel the problem is thie pills or should I say the body wanting the pills creates the pain to get the narcotic if I where you I would dry out just to see where you stand with pain.....I was up to 150mg of methadone enough to tracalize a horse
and was still in pain once I weened off I found my pain a lot more manageable without the narcotic its no fun being an addict and yes you will snap at your loved ones when you dont have your dope league or otherwise we can help you break free from the cycle there are many here going threw withdrawals as we speek its about 4 to 5 days of the flu then your free from the pills let us know what you want to do all I know is it was one of the best moves of my life and I spent 16 1/2yr on them so no one is beyond help good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[quitinoxys]

Hello Matrix and Welcome to the forum. Your story is unfortunately not unique but is the norm here on this forum. A lot of us (including myself) started taking opiates for legit reasons and then fell into the trap of having ro take more and more just to be normal. It is a merry-go-round that is hard to get off. I see you tried to taper without success, did you have someone hold your pills when you tried tapering? It is easier to taper if some one else controls your dosage as dependent/addicts sometimes have a hard time sticking to a schedule of meds.

As far as Suboxone I don't think you want to go down that road because as you said yourself you would be replacing on drug for another. Suboxone w/d are worse that norcos so you wouldn't be doing yourself any favors. Why don't you try tapering (weening) yourself down with someone holding your pills first.

I am a chronic pain sufferer so I know your dilemma, I stop taking pain meds and suffer or I keep taking them (which becomes more and more) and become worse off. It is extremely tough to have to live like that. You could also try C/T (cold turkey) which would take about 3-7 days to get clean and you would need someone to help you with the little ones. I hope you can make the decision to get your life back and I am behind you 100% in anyway you want to do it.I have been where you are right now and I have been clean for 413 days. So I just want to tell you it can be done. I will pray for you and ask God to guide you through this rough time in your life and PLEASE keep posting as there are great people here that can help you. God Bless---Rick      

[10356]

Hi Matrix Welcome to the forum.. I'm very sorry to read of the pain you have endured.. You are taking a lot of Norco for being dependent.. is your Dr. prescribing this amount our do you supplement off the street ? The thing with sub it is a tool to get clean and is not known for it pain relief although it offers some.. Have you ever tried getting off all the narcotic pain meds just to see where your pain level really is ? I'm not doubting you have pain ! many of us do it is just opiates have a way of tricking our brain into creating more pain then there actually is.. once off for awhile many of us have found relief from the intensity and found over the counter products our physical therapy such as swimming acupuncture and such were helpful . It is good you will be speaking to your Dr. I hope you tell them how much you are taking and how you feel when you stop. they may offer pain management but that is a type of therapy that I would consider as a last ditch effort.. The reason you feel irritable without the opiates is the wd but it only last for a week then a few months of getting our emotions right. I'm sure before the pain meds you were very kind and would be a great mom all the time.. I do not mean to sound unsympathetic as this is not my intentions but would like to add my support and wish you well. Keep reading and reaching out there is a lot of knowldge and support here. lesa