A New Day

[Langer413]

The last week of June I was at about 78 days clean from Hrdricodone. I started to develop an intense lower back pain but tried to ignore it thinking it was just some flare up. After 2 days, and realizing I had a fever and some urinary issue, I went to the doctor. I had a scan done, and it showed 2 kidney stones trying to make their way out of my body. My doctor knows my situation, and gave me a shot of non-narcotic pain medicine. She then gave my husband a script (in my name) for 20 Hydrocodone. She said their wasn't much more I could do but ride out the pain until they passed - unless they got stuck. I'd like to say that script didn't get filled, but I just could not deal with this pain. I was only on them for 4 days and flushed the rest once the stones passed. I passed the stones Saturday evening. My flushing party was on Sunday. My NA sponsor came over a couple times and told me that life happens, but I should be proud that I used as directed and flushed when I knew I didn't need them. I know rationally that I'm not starting over, but I'm kind of down that I had to take them. I'd be closing in on 90 days clean this week, but instead I feel like I'm back to square one. My sponsor and I talked and she said some of my blues could be PAWS setting in, especially since my addict brain got a little taste of the drug. I'm trying to put one foot in front of the other and force a positive attitude. It's just hard today.

[Langer413]

Thank you for the encouragement. I'm in a better mindset today (it did take a NA meeting to get there though! For those newer to recovery, do not dismiss the importance of aftercare. I never really had the urge to use, but I know if I didn't have the support I did, I never would have flushed the rest of the pills after my kidney stones passed. My sponsor reassured my fears that I'm not back to day 4 today, I'm still less than a week away from 90 days! I won't say every day is easy, but every day is WAY better than when I was on pills. I have less pain overall than when I took pills. Yes, I have bad pain days. Yes, I have days where my addict brain says "just one and you'll feel so much better."  However I now have tools to help me overcome those thoughts!

[Jerry198]

the part of your brain that wanted the whole 20 was weaker than the part that said flush them and that's progress to keep it up and put the past behind you be strong and PILL FREE

[VICourageous]

Hi!
Very nice job and yes you did them as prescribed. Sometimes things will happen, as long as we know the drill not to have them in our own hands.

Post Acute Withdraws takes a long time after the detox. You are still in the healing process..It is the Mental part that we have to deal with for yrs to come. This is a Disease and if you feed it one time, that Pleasure part of the brain does remember the pleasure again and will play it again and again for one more. You are doing great!! Keep up those meetings and talking with your Sponsor.
Bless

PS. I did put some info in my Journal about this disease in a more Scientific way. I have so much more and they keep learning more and more as time goes on. (Nature of Addiction and Addiction and the Pleasure Pathway, beyond willpower)
Always keep your Guard Up!!!! Armour Up for the Days!!!

[Danny111]

I think you should really try to focus on the positive.  You were able to take your medication as prescribed and then you very intelligently got rid of the rest to make sure that you didn't use.  That isn't easy at all, especially when you're only 78 clean.  

The fact that you realize that this was a dangerous time for you is important.  Recognizing times or situations that are going to be tricky and dealing with them in a way that helps you stay clean is obviously crucial to maintaining your sobriety.