Oh God what do I do now?

[Needhelp59]

OK trying not to panic but I just got a call from my nephew.  He can't get into the house.  My sister's car is home, and doors are deadbolted shut.  I am so afraid she may have hurt herself.  Oh dear God what do I do?  I am really freaking out.

[sadinmichigan]

I agree with nursegirl..you could definatly have her involuntarily commited..unfortunatly it's not the hard to do. But desperate times do call for desperate measures..I am sorry about the loss of your friend.
Your sister has come off alot of drugs and no wonder she is in this shape,..especially with the benzo's..all of it..She hasn't been clean too long....I will pray she lets someone help her..

[Needhelp59]

Thanks so much for your comments.  You are 100% correct about kids.  I would never question her, but you can just tell.  The other week when they came for a cookout and I did the bubble bath for her you could just tell she was so excited.  Then, when they got ready to leave, she cried and clung to me and told her mom and dad she wanted to stay with us.  That broke my heart.  Kids just don't do that.  My child was always thrilled to see me when I got to where she was, and certainly never cried about coming home.  About 2 months ago I took her to see Horton Hears a Who.  It was her first movie in a theatre and she was precious and enjoyed it so much.  I told her it was our special girls day.  When she saw my sister the next day, the first thing she said was "why we not never have girls day?"  You can just tell that she is not getting the attention she needs, and I shudder to think what she may have seen and be experiencing now.  I intend to keep her at least thru the end of the week as her dad is out of town.  I am going to try to reach out to some local mental health people today.  Her PCP is probably not going to be much help since she won't go in and see him.  I would love to sit and talk with her but I don't know if she will listen.  And, to top it all off, I just found out that a friend of the family, a beautiful sweet young woman, committed suicide yesterday.   She was diagnosed with depression about 2 months ago, and put on Prozac.  It wasn't working well apparently, and they switched her medicine about 10 days ago, and now she is dead.  That is the horrible scenario I envisioned yesterday.  I can't shake the feeling of doom.  Didn't mean to ramble - thanks for listening and I am here if you have any suggestions!  God bless.

[nursegirl6572]

Oh my....yes, the fact that she came off those meds is without a doubt making things 100 times worse for her.  :0(

Maybe make some calls today?  You could call a local mental health hotline...or even her PCP.  He/she won't give specific info out TO you...but you can certainly fill her doc in on what's going on...and maybe he/she can give you some ideas.

[nursegirl6572]

Thank GOD everyone was okay!  What were they doing in the house?  Sleeping?  Or just "tuned out"?

I'm so sorry your sis is going through this...it really sounds like she is in dire straights and needs help badly.  Being that her husband is of no help...it makes thinigs that much more difficult.  Is 302-ing her an option? (Involuntary committment?)  It certainly seems like she is putting herself and her child at risk.  That's so sad about her daughter.  :0(  That just breaks my heart.  God love you for being there for that sweet little girl. I'm glad you have her for now.  She prolly so desperately needs some "normalcy" and structure that she is clearly not getting at home.  What does your niece say?  Kids are so observant....and they just tell it like it is.  I'm not saying to grill her or anything...but some simple easy questions may really give you a better idea of what's going on at home.

If I were you...I would try for the hospitalization.  The fact that she locked herself in the house, making it impossible for your nephew to gain access is just awful, and to ME would definitely warrant it.  If you think you could talk to her and convince her to go willingly....then that would obviously be better.  But if not...I really think that desperate times call for desperate measures.  

I also worry about her being home alone without her daughter.  That most likely is putting her into an even deeper depression.

Geez, such a difficult situation.  I wish she had a husband who was helpful.  Rally around her and do WHATEVER it takes to get her back on the road to life...she needs to be a Mommy to that sweet little girl.  Give her a hug for me.  And, you too.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

[Needhelp59]

She has been off for I guess 6-8 weeks.  The primary drug was Coke, which lasted about a year, but then at the end we found out their was a wide variety of pills involved, and she tried to make it sound casual.  It so was not.  There was xanax (2 mg - I didn't even know there was such a thing!), percocet, oxycontin, and lortabs.  In addition, when all this hit the fan and she stopped the recreational drugs, she stopped taking her celexa and her blood pressure meds.  That is another reason I am so worried about her.  She won't see a doctor, and I just worry about her mental stability after coming off all that!

[sadinmichigan]

that is so sad..drugs will definately do that to a person..even when they are clean..How long has she been off drugs..I'm sorry if you posted all this before..what drug was she on? She is probably suffering from paws..I am glad her kids have an aunt like you..I know your doing everything you can..if she is that depressed you might want to try and bring up these things about the lack of care for her daughter and herself..I'm sure you probably have..I wish i knew what to say..

[Needhelp59]

I don't know why she is so angry.  Like I posted earlier, she lost her job and I know that is an issue, but it was totally her fault.  I am sure there is guilt over the drug use...I don't know, sometimes I think she is angry that maybe her life didn't turn out as she envisioned.  Sad - she doesn't do anything.  She is a poster child for why NOT to do drugs.  She went from a really cute, vivacious, size 10 40 year old (youthful looking) to a 90 pound person I don't know.  She looks 10 years older than me, and I am almost 8 years older.  Her hair is brittle, thin and drying out.  She takes no care anymore about how she looks.  No pride in her home, which is gorgeous, and not even in that precious little girl.  Last time they brought her to my house for a cookout a few weeks ago, the child didn't look like she had had a bath or her hair washed in a week. It broke my freakin heart.  I took her to the bathroom after supper and let her take a bubble bath with a rubber duckie that belonged to my daughter.  Then we washed and blow dried her hair and I painted her toenails and fingernails.  She was so prissy and proud.  I still have her and in all honesty would keep her forever if I could.  I wonder sometimes if they would even care...e..

[Rose703]

The truth is you can't help someone who doesn't want it or who doesn't see a problem. Is there anyway that you could keep the baby for a while? Why does your sister have so much anger? Will she consider counceling?
I wish I knew what else you could do but I don't. I think you must do whatever you can such as keeping the baby and just continue to love and support your sister as you've been doing all along.
My prayers will continue to be with you. This is a really tough situation and I feel for you!! If you want to talk I'm more than willing to talk with you if that would be helpful.

[sadinmichigan]

I am so sorry..i know you just want to help her..and that is tough when she doesn't want to be reached..Maybe her husband is part of her problem, (emotionally).Does your sister ever get out or do anything she used to do? Is any other family member willing to maybe confront her..She must know how much you care..I know depression can rob us of so much and it is very hard to seek help when your so depressed..I wish I had a magic answer..It's a shame that her husband is burying his head in the sand..I would try pleading more with him..it would definatley help to have him wake up and see what is happening..

[Needhelp59]

Believe me there is nothing I haven't thought of.  The baby is almost 4 years old and she has a 17 year old son and 3 step-sons.  I have talked to her about the depression factor but she is just so bitter and angry that it is impossible to reason with her.  I am equally disgusted with her husband.  I have tried to talk to him, and I can tell he is miserable, but it is almost like he is willing to accept the status quo rather than upset his world.  He still does his thing - plays golf, works, whatever - like everything is normal and it is SO NOT normal.  How do you reach someone who doesn't want to be reached??

[Rose703]

Yes thank you for letting us know but Thank God that everyone is okay. I've been checking back since I read this yesterday in hopes of hearing good news from you. Maybe this needed to happen so that everyone will rally around your sister and hopefully she will even realize that she needs help. Thankfully you have the baby now!! My prayers continue to be with you and your family!!

[sadinmichigan]

Thankyou for letting us know..I will be praying for your sister..has she been diagnosed at all with post partum depression? Does she have any other children? I would definately suggest getting her help now..post partum depression can become very serious if left untreated..You could encourage her to seek help..or if you feel the baby is at risk she could be hospitilized for evaluation..I will keep her in my prayers..I am glad the baby is safe..

[Needhelp59]

Just posted on my other post but it is OK - sister was locked inside and didn't want to be bothered.  911 got into the house.  Baby was with her grandma and now I have her.  I am at a loss as to what to do.  Sorry I didn't post last night but it was like a zoo there!  Then by the time baby went to sleep, my internet was down.  It is just so sad.  Like I said, I don't think she is doing drugs now, but it is either mental illness/depression or something I have never seen before and I don't know how to help!

[nursegirl6572]

I'm praying for your sister and her family.  :0(

[Rose703]

Please check in when you can and let us know that everything is okay sweetie!! My prayers are with all of you!!

[sadinmichigan]

are you around...i am praying everything works out..please let us know when you can,,

[Needhelp59]

Her husband says her tests have been clean.  That is why I have been so concerned - her bahavior seems to go way beyond just depression.  If you could have seen her sitting in the floor by herself playing with those dolls - I swear it was heartbreaking.

OH MY GOD, baby is NOT at day care.  She did not come this morning.  I am going to be sick, no joke.  Oh no.

[cathy5841]

calm down hun.  you have to do this.  please let the baby be at daycare.  are you sure she is not on anything?

[Needhelp59]

I can't.  He is out of town.  I can't even get him on the cell.  I told him several weeks ago I didn't think she should be left alone for any length of time (especially not with the kids!) and I find out today that he is in route to NY and gone til Friday.  Dear God Cathy what am I gonna do?  Oh **** - I better try to contact day care.  Please PLEASE GOD do not let her have picked up the baby.  Cathy I CANNOT DO THIS!

[cathy5841]

wow, dont panic.  call her husband...he has a key.