I am lost, had/have a plan that may not work

[ribs2k]

Hi all,
My dr's plan is to start me on a taper off of the 50 mg oxy's I am supposed to be taking. In the mean time I am abusing them and feel like I was given permission to. I am not sure I have the discipline to follow a taper. It is still a little ways out and I keep thinking I need to do something now. I am going to an AA meeting friday night and I hope that helps give me some perspective and direction. But in the meantime I am turning to my Medhelp people for advice and encouragement. Plus my dealer works with me.
Thanks in advance,
Randy
I haven't ever told you folks much about me, so here it goes. 43 yr old single white straight man. Rock Climbing is,(was) my passion, hiking 14,000 ft peaks,(i live in Colorado so they are in my back yard, I ran the Pikes Peak ascent a couple years ago) I am finishing up treatment for Chronic Lymphocytic Luekemia. I work as an Engineer for an architectural millwork firm,(high end cabinets woodwork etc.). So this is me.

[Sonrissa]

How is it going, Randy? I have thought about you often today! Hope things went well and the plan is working! Sending you special prayers for strength!

[ribs2k]

You got it Minn, thanks for hanging with me. You Pat and AJ have been life savers!
Randy

[minn66]

That's great! So you can check one item off as Done. Stay the course and follow the rest of your plan.

Hugs,
Minn

[ribs2k]

Thanks Sonrissa,
I have completed my move of my cubicle and my boss didn't even ask why I wanted to move he just said, yeah go ahead and move if you want. So I am now quite a distance from my ,"FORMER" dealer. I am really happy I made this move. And happy to know I am starting my taper soon!
Randy

[Sonrissa]

Great Job Randy! See, follow the plan! It works! Now, you have torn down the roadblock of the Dealer, by getting your cubicle moved! Awesome step! Now tackle the next roadblock! One little thing at a time! Each accomplishment gives to strength to take the next one head on! You can do this; you ARE doing this! We will never abandon you! Big hug for you today, you deserve it!

[ribs2k]

IBKleen,
I just ramped up from the 30 to the 60 mg of Cymbalta so I am not sure that i have noticed a difference yet.
Oh, and I have some good news, I am moving to a different cubical this afternoon. So I will be quite aways away from the dealer.
Randy

[thewaz]

Please include us in that plan and let us help you through this.  You will do this!

[selfinduced]

YES!!!! You can do this. Keep it simple, but keep on track. Let the stresses of this monkey wash off your back. This is your time to shine. Only look forward. Fight when you need to and stay the course, surrender with your mental inner tossing. Just for today right? I believe in you. xx

[IBKleen]

Randy, ho is the Cymbalta working for you, or is it yet?

[Pat1956100]

Have a great day Randy.  

[ribs2k]

Thanks everyone. Yes I have a plan and I am going to stick to it. My buddy will hold on to my pills and just give me out what I am supposed to have. Thanks everyone

[minn66]

Hi Randy, I'm thinking of you, too. I read through all the posts I missed last night and having your friend hold the pills is a good plan. If you so much as think of asking for any more than what you're supposed to have, think of a football stadium full of people, holding up signs and chanting "No, Randy, No!" and that will be us here, with me, Pat, AJ, and the rest of the Secret Detoxers at the 50 yard line. We're cheering you on! Also picture how wonderful it will be to go hiking and see life in HD (sorry to steal someone else's quote but I can't recall who originally posted that)

Big hugs, Randy. You can still cross that finish line slow and steady!

[Pat1956100]

Hi Randy,
I just wanted to wish you a good morning and hope you have a great day.
I have been thinking about you and know how long we have been fighting this battle.  I know you keep going back and forth with your decisions.  I hope that you can make your decision and just stick to whatever you decide you are going to do.
You have a plan, you have decided to taper so stick with it.  Cold turkey hasn't been working for you and it is just upsetting you too much when you cave in.
Stick with your plan and have your friend hold your pills.  Your plan in your messages to me sounds excellent and I think it will work for you.
Stay strong with this one. It might take a little longer but with everything you have been through I think it's a good one.
Just my opinion bud but we have been together since day 1 fighting this and we are going to make it.
Love ya
Pat

[thewaz]

Randy.....
I was put on three different taper programs through my doc starting almost a year ago.  It was a joke for me.  I was to keep a record of what I took and when.  I would fill in the gaps by buying on the street.  Taking 4 pills instead of 1.  Tapering was not a successful choice for me.  If pills are handy, I take them. And then lie that I did.  We addicts are very skilled at lying.  Mostly to ourselves out of shame.

I finally recognized the fact I would taper forever.  In April my doc said..no more scripts.  I had a ton of pills available still and figured I would just find a new doc and continue to street buy.  but I also recognized I no longer had the energy for juggling this full-time.  It had become a full-time job.  And a job I despised.

Many people on this forum encouraged me to flush and rid myself of all sources.  It's exactly what I did.  Now it's 26 days and I feel free.  Many people on this forum also know I've encountered temptation.  I will tell you there are MANY times during the first couple of weeks, had a pill been available, I would have took it with no second thoughts and then LIED about it.  Your brain cannot be trusted.  The devil that is the pill cannot be trusted.  Trust that.

Tapering does work for a very small few.  But most of us addicts are incapable of doing that.  I'm one of those.  DO NOT stop posting.  We need you. And you need us.  We're a team here.  And we are here to support your decisions and journey.  To hold you up and cheer you on.  You will know when to flush.  You will know.  Just like Sonrissa did.  I love her flush story the best.  The last lingering floating pill.  I believe in you. I also believe you want this.  Know that in your heart, body and mind.

[fpvfembacktobreakfree]

Hey huni id try 10mgs maybe a day where not ment to tell people how to you know what's right for u ur mate has to stay strong n not give to you when u just want it its hard as u know stay strong my friend we here for u missed ya mate mwah xoxoxoxo

[ribs2k]

Does anyone have suggestions as to the rate of tapering off of oxy's? I am currently at 70 mg a day. How much and how often should I taper?
Thanks,
Randy

[Sonrissa]

Great Randy! Make the plan, write it down! In your own handwriting! Follow the plan step by step, no deviations! You can do this! I have faith In you and will be here for support every step! Much love and prayers coming your way today and every day forward!

[Pat1956100]

Great idea Randy.  Make sure you tell him, no matter how much you beg to only give you what you decided on.  Try not to do it too quickly or you know it won't work.  Either a slow taper or cold turkey.
Not that I am an expert or anything but i think that I know you pretty well.
I will be right behind you pushing.  Going to my doc tomorrow to come up with a good plan for me.
Hugs
Pat

[ribs2k]

Thanks aj and pat,
AJ it is good to see you back. New plan for me. I have a buddy tha lives very close and he has agreed to help me with a taper. I will give him all of my pills and he will give me a certain amount and then we are going to do a 5 to 10 mg taper a week. So I will keep you guys updated. Thanks for the tough and direct answers ibkleen and kyle. I have to admit it stings but I know you just want me to succeed. I am headed in the right direction.
Ramdy  

[john12686]

I am going through the same thing. I used to go to pain management and was started off on 5mg perks and here I am today 4 yrs later taking 4 or more 30mg perks a day that I now buy on the street. I actually just signed up on sunday for this site and not even a week later im choosing to start detoxing myself on thurs of this week. I already in lesser words told my dealer to go **** off, deleted there numbers and warned friends that dont want to help to go screw cause at the end of the day no ones gonna take care of u like yourself. Fortunatly I have good friends that know of my problem and wanna go above and beyond to help and there are so many people on here that wanna help as I found out only 15min after my first post. Keep your head up you will get there. Like aomeone told me, there is a so much better life after drugs and when u achieve that the feeling is more eurphoric than any high u can get from a drug. Stay strong.

John. (ps check out the "thomas reciepe at the lower right of the screen. Thats the way im going and talked to my dr and said its a effective treatme.t if u decide to detox on ur own)

[fpvfembacktobreakfree]

Hey pat I've missed you tooIm glad ur Dr is gonna help u. I just jumped Im so over tabs omg I've just called my boss Im goin in to work **** it Im not sitting round mwah my friends I've missed yous all lets kill this together big love randy ur not alone my brother from another mother we can do this

[Pat1956100]

Hey AJ and welcome back.  We all missed you and need you.  Congrats on Day 4 sweety.  I will be there with you soon.  I am going to my doctor tomorrow for some help with this and I will be fighting soon.
MWAH
Pat

[fpvfembacktobreakfree]

Randy huni sorry ur having a hard time i deleted my contacts yesterday it was hard you can do this mate its the fight for our lives is how think of it Im on morning of day 4 again ws gonna go to work but can't we here for u huni keep posting .big hugs n love ya friend in oz aj xoxoxoxo

[Pat1956100]

You are going to beat this Randy.  I just know you are.  You keep trying and that's the main thing.  You feel guilty when you use and I know you want it badly.