I had the most awful cravings today!

[LeaAnn807]

Hey everybody!  I had the most debilitating cravings today.  They seemed to go on forever!  I have not had any this bad since I got clean in March.  It was absolutely miserable.  I have had cravings before, lots of times, but they are usually over in about 30 minutes, and I am able to fight them off.  Not today.  It took everything I had in me to not use.  I don't really even know why it happened????  I have a lot going on but nothing that should have caused that.  THEN.....my internet went down and was out most of the day.  I was ready to be shot at that point!!!!! : )  

I went to a meeting, but I really didn't even want to do that.  I think all I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself and try to figure out why it was happening??? I don't know what good I thought that would do.  I'm just not used to feeling that kind of weakness.  I'm usually a tough one, but today I felt weak all over!  It lasted so long that now I can't even go to sleep and feel exhausted from it.  Like....it took a lot out of me physically and emotionally?  Does that make sense?  

So, if you guys can, please send some prayers up for me or good vibes or positive energy or whatever helps!!!  If today is any indication of what tomorrow will be like, I'm in serious trouble!!!!!

Thanks!  I'm so proud of all of you for fighting so hard with me to beat this!!! : )  

[vicki595]

Hey,my sweet girl~  It all makes sense to me.  So much going on...life getting in the way of happiness...this may have been some kind of stress reaction leading to a weird craving (because it lasted SO long)!!  

Now that your computer is back up,you've got my phone number. Get it tattooed on your
...um...wherever!!!   Let's see if we can get to the bottom of what triggered this...

For tonight,stop thinking about it.  You know the trick: Stay up,warm up a blanket and get cozy on the sofa. Stay quiet...and watch a movie.

The important thing is that you attempted to get help/support. That is the new you. It's not going to change...

I'm here for you...as always!!

xo

[chronicmistake]

That is amazing that you did not use and shows so much strength.  What made you not use?  Did the meeting help?

Gook luck and I know you can do this!! :)

[LeaAnn807]

Vicki, you're right.  I have a lot going on, but I always do, so why now???  This amount of stress is not out of the ordinary for me, as you know.  So......why today?  I still have a really "frantic" almost psychotic feeling!!!!  Like, I'm still having to fight like heII to keep it at bay!  I don't like this one bit.  And the sleep????  I feel afraid to go to sleep cause I literally dread waking up to the same feeling again.  What's WRONG with me all of the sudden?

Chronic, I have got a huge support system in place, even on great days, so that came in very handy today!  That is what helped me not use.  I think the meeting helped, plus I spent some time with family and friends.  Sober ones!  There are just not enough precautions to take in your "new life" so that days like today don't end up in relapse.  At least that is the way I look at it!

[dominosarah]

Sometimes we cant pinpoint what caused the cravings.  That is why it is said that this addiction is sly and cunning and can hit you out of the blue at any given time...No warning.

What is important is that you did go to a meeting, you came on here and talked about it.  You are putting yourself first and taking care of what you need too.  Look around at your life and remember all the things you have to be grateful for....write that list down and keep it where you will see it.  That can help.  Soak in a warm bath with bubbles and candles....

You can and will get thru this tram.  I have a ton of confidence in you and you showed how strong you really are by coming on here and talking about this......hugs my friend  sara                            GUARD UP!!

[gnarly_1]

Hey tram....so sorry to here your having one of those days....I do pritty well most of the time also but it seams when I get the type of stress that dosent go away for a week or 2 is when I get cravings also....are you under long term stress??? if so you just have to learn to let go of it...we have been going threw it with my son for 2 mo now...im ready to strangle the doctors office and insurance company...we where supose to have referrals stat when he cam out of the hospital and where still waiting...dealing with stress has never been one of my strong points...I deal with both addiction and bipolar disorder at the same time stress effects both in a negative way....you just have to let go and let God when nothing you do seams to work....remember where not responsible for the craving...but we are responsable for what we do with it....you have done good by hitting a meeting and posting im up prity late so if you need to talk im a night owl Sara also out here late....please feel free to talk to ether one of us  we have both been there with cravings I hope you get some sleep tonight if not come on and keep us company
I will add you to my prayer list tonight...hang in there you will get past this and come out on top........Gnarly  

[laurel453]

Hey, tram... hope you will be feeling better by now....

as sara said sometimes we can't know the cause is ....suddenly  cravings that last and last appear... i would advice you not to stress about the causes...i know we have to identify the triggers and etc...but you are already doing it, you are going through a lot of stress and from my knowledge stress is this way, it has a lot of layers and we can not have everything under control in our lives...just don't stress yourself more about the reasons of  those cravings, pls...keep on working as you are doing, dear and keep on walking....  In short, do as sara has told you, she knows and she is right.....go for something relaxing.....spend your time with the people you love and doing things that you love...give yourself love and keep on working, you are doing great...

[LeaAnn807]

Sara, that means a lot to me!  I'm glad someone has confidence in me.  I sure don't right now.  I almost feel like it would have been easier to relapse today, at least from the aspect of "having it over with" and not dreading that feeling staying around for another day.  I don't think I can handle it again tomorrow.  BUT.....I know that I can in the end.  I'm usually just a really positive person, but for some reason, I am having really negative emotions about this.  Why would I assume that tomorrow will be as bad as today?  I'm not sure what is happening with me right now.  Uggghhhhh.....ANNOYING FEELING!  

I guess this has just not fallen apart yet, and maybe right now I'm afraid it's going to???  My sponsor is expecting a call from me in the morning.  She wanted me covered first thing in the morning in case I have a rough night!  

I guess we will see! : )

[LeaAnn807]

Thank you Mark and Suni!  Love to you both!  Thanks for the support right now and always when I need it!!

[dominosarah]

When these cravings come out like this is zaps us emotionally and just plain drains us.  Tomorrow is a new day tram and when you wake up and look around you will feel a whole lot better.  You will call your sponsor and give her the good news that you made it thru!!!  Wont that be a good feeling to start your day!!!

[laurel453]

yeah, you are afraid of the experience... but those are fears and fears are not facts, tram... you will pull through this....we all have confidence in you :) be sure of this and don't be scare now....build up your confidence again. The last huge cravings i had were on christmas .... i have spent months with anxiety and stress and just when i was feeling better zassss.....they came and went away and haven't had more .. so don't be scared now :)

[dominosarah]

Tram, i will be here as long as you need me to be......I am the forum "bat"!!!(probably in more ways than one!!!)

[gnarly_1]

LOL at you being a bat....you do keep some late hours

[dominosarah]

Excellent point Laurel about the fears not being facts.

[LeaAnn807]

Bahahahahahahaha!  First time I have smiled in hours!  If you will go as a bat for Halloween, I'll go as myself....Broomstick and all!

[dominosarah]

I will pick you up on my broomstick....I can carry passengers on Halloween!!!

[LeaAnn807]

I know you are right!  I'm just not used to this insecure, nutty feeling, like I'm losing it!  I'm usually super positive, and this is just making me feel crazy!

I keep telling myself that tomorrow will be better, and if it's not for some reason, I will handle it just like I did today.  I know I can, but I enjoy life a lot more when I am confident and happy and not disappointed in myself!

[laurel453]

i can not imagine marypoppins displaying bat wings but... evrything is possible  :)

[dominosarah]

It is quite the visual isnt it!!!!

Glad you are here tonight laurel~~~~

[LeaAnn807]

I'm glad ALL of you are here!  Thank you so much.  

[dominosarah]

I was just telling gnarly that this is a classic example of why we stress aftercare so much.  You have taken the tools you have learned and applied them today and made it thru, CLEAN!!  I am so proud of you.  You are working your way thru this in a healthy way.....

[laurel453]

i am on my way to the office now ... here it is 8.16 pm :)

so while you all sleep , i am not the bat but a morning bird

[FassFeat]

Tram, you have helped me so much in my recovery. I will say a  prayer for you tonight. I can't add to the experts. Just wanted you to know I am cheering for you.

[Dav125]

You girls are too funny sometimes :)..Hang in there Tram..

[LeaAnn807]

: ) Thank you!  I'm going to try to sleep.  Humor helps to de-stress me a little bit I think!  It always seems to help anyway.  I am going to rest and watch TV even if I can't sleep.  

Wheewwww.....this was a rough one folks!  I can't imagine going through this everyday without support.  I would have been TOAST without help, so thank you all.  Not just for your help and support tonight but for making me consider aftercare several months ago, eventhough I resisted and didn't really want it!

Yes Sara, this is a good reason why preaching aftercare is important!  It would have been too late to think about it today.  It has to be in place when something like today happens!!!  

Guard up, right? : )