I have relapsed and I made a journal entry for everyone to read!

[Rose703]

I'm so sorry to everyone but I have relapsed and I need help to get out of this dark place to which I've fallen.
I had almost 90 days clean and I let my legitamite pain issues take my back to this place that I swore I would never fall back into again. I knew that dealing with chronic pain and being an addict would be hard to deal with but I had no idea that it would eat at me so much day after day with no relief. I thought I was stronger than this, but apparently I'm much weaker than even I thought.
Please read my journal entry and please help me get my life back. I'm ready to begin this process tomorrow, Monday, and I sure could use lots and lots of support.

[GoingToMakeIt]

This recovery, is a process of learning and determination. I would be more worried if I didn't hear from you than hearing you relapsed. You have shown that you really do want to be free of this addiction. You haven't disappointed anyone. Like Lisa said; Pull up the boot straps and show us how to do this!

[CadillacJack]

Rose;
Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a legitimate pain issue, and you took what was prescribed for that issue. It's no big deal, and understandable. But since you have a problem controlling what you take (the addiction), you have to lay off the drugs. It's a bump. Most of us have been there. You still have 90 days of clean time. You just get back with the program, and don't worry about this small piece of time. Forget about it, and carry on.

cj

[Rose703]

Thanks to all of you for the overwhelming support!! I haven't been on here as much but I did lose my internet for a few days and I really felt disconnected during that time! I'm ready to get back on the wagon and hang on for dear life. This pain just gets so bad for days at a time and I get so mad because I want my health back and I want to be normal again and do the things that normal people do like go to the mall, go to the movies, but I can't do these things and it makes me mad! The pain is bad enough but my bladder is so bad now that I can't be away from a bathroom for longer than 15 minutes and it *****! Now I find out that my liver enzymes are 3 times the normal limits so now there's more health issues. If I can just find a way to accept my health issues then I know things would be easier for me.
I didn't have the opportunity to go to aftercare due to my "bathroom" issues so I truly use the forum and the wonderful people here as my aftercare.
I'm ready to do this and tomorrow will be day 1 for me! Thanks so much for your continued support as it means the world to me!

[addictedme]

3 things,,,,what causes your chronic pain,,are you useing any aftercare and thats why I dont like the term "doc" ..gl

[cathy5841]

rose, hunny dont beat yourself up.  learn from your mistakes and get back on track.  you know the drill and you can do this.  we have faith in you and all you need is a little faith in yourself.  we love and need you here.

[redrodeo]

Rose I relapsed alot. It (narcotics) were the only things that made life bearable. But I can tell since 1988 I have had one period of sobriety 5 years and now this period of over 12 years. And what people would tell me was" C......you will made it someday because you have the ability to be honest"
Red

[addict3]

Just sent you a message. Get back up and get with the program, there is a lot of help here as you know. Thinking of you, wishing you well.

Looking forward to seeing you post come Monday.

Sara said it well!

[dominosarah]

Im sorry things got tough for you.  We are here for you to help you.  Around here we say pull up the big girl panties!!!!!  I also noticed you were not posting as much so get back on the forum and let us help you.  You can do this.  Just reach out.  Stay strong    sara

[gizzy32]

i know how hard this was to put up here, but you did the right thing. im sorry about your relapse and pain. it's so devasting to relapse after being clean this long, but YOU MUST pick yourself back up and learn by your mistake. it seems there are many relpases around the 90 day mark and i do believe this has a lot to do with Paws. i noticed you have not been around much lately and right now you need all the support you can get. we are here for you and although you relapsed, you are not starting over, it's just a tiny step back. get back up, brush yourself off and don't let the guilt eat away at you, that is what addiction does best. i am still proud of you.

[troubleinohio]

i relapsed a couple months ago after hitting 90 days clean too. Im now day 79 clean  or something like that (i dont even look at my own tracker anymore lol)

[lostdreams]

Rose703 hunni....i'm sorry for the pain issues you are going through and i understand that sometimes it makes us weak, dont beat yourself down because of this. People do relapse, but its not your whole life sweeetie, its only a day or two out of that life you have started to rebuild without your DOC, we can all 'fall off the wagon' sometimes, you should be proud that you have noticed this and you are willing to do something about it. For that alone, you should be so proud as i am of you and i am sure many people here are proud of you. I know you can do this as you WANT to do this, therfore, you WILL get your life back that you so wish for hunni.

I know you wont mind me saying a prayer for you so here goes.....

Lord Jesus,
please lift Rose703 up and give her the strength she requires. Please remove the stumbling blocks in her life and pour down your blessings on her. Let her know that you are indeed there for her. Give her strength and let her see your Divine Love. In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Take care sweetie

[sadinmichigan]

btw- I love your pic you sent me..you are gorgeous girl!! and love the dress..lol

[sadinmichigan]

oh you know I have my coffee..my other addiction..LOL and that will be 2hrs 30 min..now..LOL

[Rose703]

LOL, I sure hope you have lots of coffee on hand since you're staying up all night talking to me and now you have to wait to go to bed until after our phone call which is now in 2 hours and 35 minutes!! Not that I'm counting or anything, LOL!!

[sadinmichigan]

Back atcha girl!! I am so happy that you did this..it takes more courage than you know..and that my friend shows what your made of..xoxoxoxo 2hrs 42 min..LOL

[Rose703]

I will be waiting by the phone in 2 hours and 50 minutes now, LOL!! A special thanks to you for encouraging me to post about this as I needed to get honest with all of my friends on here and especially to myself. Accountability that's exactly what I needed and you knew it. You're one smart cookie and I'm soooo happy that you're my good friend!!

[Rose703]

Thank you for sharing that story with me so now at least I don't feel like the only one that threw away 90 days!! Can I ask, were the w/d's the same, less, or worse? Thanks for your help!

[sadinmichigan]

see how much you learned...now get back on the wagon, pull those boot straps up and giddyup girl!!lol..I'll be calling in 2hrs 55min..LOL  Love you sooo much.

[Coolio Hernendez]

I went 88 days........I thought i would never go back....But i caved at the 1st hrd spot......

Hang in there....