I have so much, so why do keep doing this ****!

I have a great job, family, in fact you can say I have it all.  So why the hell do these dam pain pills keep calling me.  I been on them now for 7 years, I have quit twice, but slowly went back.  I get prescribed 90 which are never enough, so I find myself buying another 90 plus a month, sometimes much more.

My habit is getting worse for sure now.  I am in the closet, not sole knows.  I find that nights are the time I love to take them, it makes the time go by fast, and everything seems so interesting.

I am most worried about the damage I am doing to my body.  I am over 50 and I should know better.  I know I can only help myself.

How much damage do pain killers cause the body?  I take hydro 10/660,  10/325  6 to 10 a day

[gnarly_1]

FIrst off your need to get off chronic use causes kidney failure and liver damage you qualify as a chronic user......dont lose hope you have came to a good place for help I would tell you to taper down but from what you describe tapering probably is not going to work this takes about 4 or 5 days to get threw many people have to work threw it but its ezer if you dont read up on this read the other post go down to the bottom of the page and read the health pages also the thomas resipe pick up the stuff and hunker down and get this over with its a lot like the flu with some added anxiety....I tell everybody starting out y''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile'' keep talking to us we do home detoxes every day if your healthy it cant kill you just make you feel like your dyeing let us know how we can help will be here threwout your detox good luck and God bless.......Gnarly

[Bkitty]

~Hi and Welcome,,you came to the right place. You are not alone in this battle. Many of us here too ,,,have everything but continue to sacrifice it all in the name of pills. Its a wild merry-go-round youre on now,,your day is revolved around taking pills at certain times,,just to feel normal,,just to give you the energy you need to live. With me,,I suffered underlying depression. I addressed it this time around and sought out help thru a doctor and attend NA and aftercare now. What keeps you taking the pills? Some its pain related,,Me, I just love how they used to make me feel. I got to a point though they turned on me. I stopped getting the normal high from them so id take more to seek that high and well,,,,it never came back and then the merrt-go-round spun faster.  You are at risk for liver and kidney failure taking as many as you do daily. Can you speak to your MD about tapering off? There is medication to help ease the withdrawal symtoms (symptoms) some. I just jumped (head first) off that merry go round and started swimming to safer waters. Im 25 days off a massive addiction and there are clear skies ahead. Its a long process but doable. You can do this. Take control of your life back. It gets better I promise!~Bkitty

[GA_need_help]

Hi, You are very mad at yourself, and I can understand this.   BUT THIS ANGER AND DISGUST IS ONLY HURTING YOU.  I AM SURE THAT THERE WILL BE TIME TO MAKE YOUR TAPER PLAN AND CARRY IT OUT.  I have been on Opana ER for a LONG time and am dealing with a taper that isn't going at the rate my mind would have it work.  Mine has to be slow.  YOUR TAPER OR COLD TURKEY PLAN THAT NEEDS TO BE  HOW YOU NEED IT.  YOU HAVEN'T MENTIONED PAIN, WHICH MAKES YOUR SITUATION 100 TIMES EASIER.  PLEASE HANG IN THERE, AND SHOW SOME EMPATHY FOR YOURSELF.  YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, NOW JUST STEP INTO THIS PLAN WITH ACTION AND FAITH, USING ALL THE IDEAS IN THESE POST!  I WILL PRAY.  LOVE, MARIE

[Un4given]

I read dozons of posts, how I am just crying out.

***** - I did a slow taper twice before, and got through it with very little pain.  I feel this time around that I do not want to get off them.  I wish I knew what was going on inside my head.

I will take a Roxy to start my day, ya I start my day at 1:00 PM - I will try to take it easy.  

[ImDONENoMore]

You need to read your words again - "I have so much" - so don't forget that.

Taking a roxy isn't going to help you here - you're not giving yourself the time you need (we all need) to get well.  As hard as this is, you HAVE to allow yourself to feel bad for a while.  If you're in pain, take a motrin.  If you're anxious go for a walk.  If you need to talk, reach out to someone close to you and TALK.  (and post too of course :)

You're giving up too quickly.  A few more days of being uncomfortable you can do.  A lifetime of giving up you CAN'T do.  Like you said, you have a good life and much to lose.  And it's not worth losing over drugs.  (believe me I know).

You CAN do this.

[ImDONENoMore]

And I sense that you posted your latest response because you want someone to stop you.  So STOP.  Throw the pills away and get started.

[vicki595]

Maybe you DO want someone to tell you to stop. But, you won't stop until you have a good reason to. Right now you don't or so you think. You're taking in an awful lot of Tylenol there. That's a very serious problem and you'll get sick from that.

Maybe you should get some lab work done? Check on liver function? Also, your doctor could help you get off these pills...

[Bkitty]

What are you afraid of will happen if you stop the pills?

[dominosarah]

Once you start digging into your head you will be able to put these down.  Using is just a symptom of what is going on.  The pills are giving you a false sense of security.  Have you thought about any type of aftercare?

[Un4given]

I can play the pain game, but Motrim 800 works great.  If I do not take them fist thing in the morning I do not even want to get out of bed.  Then at night as I lay by my computer I take 2 then 2 more and more.

Today I took one roxy and 2 10/660 at 12:00  between 7:00 and 9:00 I took 10 10/660 - What the F@ck is going through my head.  Will I be happy when my liver shuts down, when I need dialysis?

Tomorrow is aother day, and I will do my best not to repeat today. I can do it - I know I can.

[Un4given]

Thanks - But I ****** up today.  I do not even know why I popped so many tonight.  I did not have a craving nor do I feel all that high.  

[Un4given]

If I throw them away I will get more.  I need to stop this...

[Un4given]

I like how I feel on the pills.  It makes my nights interesting.  I know I sound like an idiot, but I am going to be 100 percent honest on this board.

I will try to make tomorrow a better day.

[Un4given]

Having so much does not mean a thing - Look at Michael Jackson

[Un4given]

No one has any ide.a. I need to keep it that way.  I can do it.  I just have to try

[gnarly_1]

HI......fist off are secrets keep us sick you need to confide in sombody a spouse a brother or sister somebody you can trust......dont expect them to understand but if the love you they will help you get clean and as Sara has said have you tried aftercare N/A and A/A are free and all you need is the desire to get clean you on the right path coming here read some of the threads so you wont feel all alone in this we want to help and will but its up to you to quit it takes about a week to run its corse its like having the flu with some added anxiety where allways ready to start on this end pick a quit date write it down and stick to it let us help you threw the rest you dont have to live like this
let us know when your ready................Gnarly