I just want to give up! And give in!

[EmbarrassedK]

My life seemed so "normal" when I was on the percocets, I was able to attend all my children's functions, NEVER missed a game, which there is one everyday, and yesterday for the first time, I missed my son's phenomenal game. Then the more I read on this forum, the more discouraged I feel because just hearing the stories about how long it will take me to get my energy back scares the living **** out of me. I was up at 4 everyday, drop my husband off at work, come back get my children ready and off to school, get myself through my 8 1/2 hr wrk day, come home, beep the horn for the kids to get into the car and head straight to the field. I don't get to step foot back into my home until about 8pm. How am I supposed to wait for at least a month to get my energy back? I'm on day 2 and the only symptoms I'm having now is the lack of energy, mental breakdown, back pain(original reason I started n these things) and a craving that is killing me. I just really want to give up. It's not the physical aspect It's the mental aspect and the energy factor that is driving me insane. I truly hate myself right now.

[pillguy]

For me, absolutely.  I'd have days where I thought I had it licked.  I saw my counselor on day 7 or 8.  I was doing pretty good.  I had an expectation that it was just going to continue.  You will have good days and bad days but on average you will be better each day.  My worse days were probably 3 and 4.  One day you will realize that you havent had a bad day in a while.  You'll want to run around the house a few times out of pure joy.

[EmbarrassedK]

You're right, I know you are. The smart side of my brain agrees and the addicted side doesnt. I have a huge question, last night i went through all the normal w/d sweats, chills, fever, sleeplessness, a bit of nausea. But the rest of today hasn't been that way. Not many physical w/d Will they creep up on me or could it be my body just bounced back that quickly? My.mind is all f'd up and the cravings are insane. But other than that, I haven't spent the whole day in bed. Is that normal? Am I pretty much out of the woods for the physical part?

[pillguy]

I think most of us here understand your concerns.  The fundamental issue is that using opiates for energy is unsustainable.  At some point it comes to a stop.  I remember your initial post pretty well.  You said you were tired of working just to pay for the habit.  It just gets worse.  After a while you no longer feel good on them.  You just take them so you don't get sick.  No matter what your dose, sooner or later you have to up the dose.  5 a day.  10 a day.  15 a day.  And on and on.  You probably already know this.

There's really no easy way around getting off these things.  If there were an easy way none of us would be here.  Its awful.  No way around it.  The good part is that the acute withdrawal is over in a couple weeks and most people are on their way to normal after a couple months.  Its kind of like the guy on the FRAM oil commercials.  "You can pay now, or you can pay later."  But you will have to pay.  I'm guessing some of this doesn't sound very warm and fuzzy.  This is why most folks here try to reassure, encourage and otherwise pump people up for the task at hand.  We know its bad and we know that if you get in that first couple weeks you are off to the races and if you hang in there for a couple months, you are for all intents and purposes off the drugs.  Your final task is to stay off of them

[EmbarrassedK]

I'm sorry to hear that and that is one of my biggest fears. Right now is the biggest rush time at our business and I'm constantly running around. I am human resources for the whole company (just little old me), in the accounting department, plus the executive assistant to 3 people, including the president of the company. This really really blows!

[leahlee18]

It's true about work.  I started a new job in Feb, a job where I have to have attention to detail and cant make any mistakes but boy was I.  There would be days that I ran out of pills and would be spending all day on my phone trying to figure out when and where and how i'm going to get them and I would screw up at work, it was so embarrassing.  I am still so new and trying to learn everything so having a clear head is so important!!

[EmbarrassedK]

I was actually the opposite, I functioned very highly while on the meds. Which really doesn't say much because I was already on it when I got my job a year ago. I just got a major raise and they told me how surprised they were at how well I was excelling in my 5 positions...yes 5. Ughhh, my fear is will I function as well without it? You want to talk embarrassment? Between my husband and I we bring home about $850 a week and with my addiction, we've been barely surving just to pay our rent, feed my children, gas to get to work, and other bills. All this is my fault because we could have been much further in our lives if it hadn't been for my addiction. If I could go back to the day I was first handed the script, I'd rip it to shreds just as it's shredded my life.