I need help to stop my addiction to oxycodone 30mg

[kikarose]

I have relapsed after 2.5 years clean. I relapsed 5 months ago. I thought I could just take a couple and I would be fine. I was wrong and it slowly took control of my life again. I don't want to lose everything like I did before. It's been 5 months Ive been taking 2 to 3, 30mg  oxycodone  a day. I've came clean to my fiancé.  I went to my Family Dr. Today and was basically sent on my way with no help and helpless feeling. Lost and no hope for me. I'm scared I'll lose everything again. I don't know how to stop on my own.  My dr. Made me feel like there was no hope for me and my addiction,  do they have any idea on how hard is to admit you have a problem?  It takes so much courage and then to be told well our program is full and nothing else we can do. BYE. I DONT WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO OR GO FROM H ER E????

[kikarose]

I'm watching a movie tonight and eating some snacks. My meeting was good. I'm going to another one tomorrow. Normal everyday things. Like doing the dishes and laundry. Day 3 over on to day 4.

[kikarose]

Thanks pillguy. I've been reading everything I can on Suboxone. When I detoxed last time I do remember feeling that Suboxone was not going to be a good choice and the fact that I had no insurance and wouldn't be able to get it outside of the clinic. And I didn't want methadone as an option. So I did it CT and I remember  feeling sick and no energy for weeks. But I slowly came back to myself. This 5ime since I have insurance I thought I'd try it.  I was reading how some ppl are taking 16 to 2mg a day. I do think 8mg is too much for me. How do they decide what they should start you at when my Dr. Didn't ask how much I was using on a daily basis for at least the last month . I think if they'd make something to help decide that based on a study of some kind. I think the Dr. I see is just a I want my money and to do the least alot of work as possible. When I therapist there told me that the Dr. Doesn't talk that much. Question? ?? How are you a Dr. And not talk that much isn't it your job. Or how come he didn't even do a blood pressure test when I was there  to get the Suboxone or take a pulse or temp. Normal Dr. Things that have happened at ALL OTHER Dr. Appointments.  I hate having this Dr. But the therapist seemed to care and ask alot of questions  so I'm looking foward to seeing him on Monday. And I'm looking foward to going back to work on Wednesday.  Getting back in the Kitchen Cooking I love to cook. Sorry for the odd ramblings. It's nice to be able say everything I'm thinking. Thanks everybody again.

[pillguy]

There IS hope!  I've fallen off after quitting a narcotic habit in 2010.  2 years on suboxone and now I'm 57 days clean.  A couple comments;  Many doctors prescribing suboxone don't have very good methodologies for determining dosages.  I would suggest working with your doctor to determine the lowest dose of suboxone that works for you.  My doc would have easily given me 8mg/day.  I asked to try 4mg per day.  That worked for me.  At some point you are may want to get off the suboxone.  The less you start with, the less your titration will be.  Suboxone is an incredibly strong and incredibly long lasting partial opiate agonist.  Amongst other things, that means you may have to taper to very low levels to successfully jump off subs.  I jumped at .25mg.  That's 1/32 of an 8mg strip.  I did not avoid withdrawals.  I would call them moderate opiate withdrawals.  At 30 days I still had significant lethergy.  So if I still had withdrawals, why use suboxone?  In my case, everytime I quit taking pills I still had significant cravings.  The memory of that opiate high was fresh in my brain.  After two years the memory of the opiate high has faded alot.  There's some mileage between my brain now and then.  This is the primary benefit of longterm suboxone therapy IMHO.  Lastly, don't get freaked out at all the internet posts about how hard suboxone is to quit.  Taper to a long dose, accept that the post acute lethargy lasts a bit longer and imagine how great your life will be without the curse of counting pills, waiting in parking lots for people who don't own a watch and having people part of your life only because of your use!

[pillguy]

There IS hope!  I've fallen off after quitting a narcotic habit in 2010.  2 years on suboxone and now I'm 57 days clean.  A couple comments;  Many doctors prescribing suboxone don't have very good methidologies for determining dosages.  I would suggest working with your doctor to determine the lowest dose of suboxone that works for you.  My doc would have easily given me 8mg/day.  I asked to try 4mg per day.  That worked for me.  At some point you are may want to get off the suboxone.  The less you start with, the less your titration will be.  Suboxone is an incredibly strong and incredibly long lasting partial opiate agonist.  Amongst other things, that means you may have to taper to very low levels to successfully jump off subs.  I jumped at .25mg.  That's 1/32 of an 8mg strip.  I did not avoid withdrawals.  I would call them moderate opiate withdrawals.  At 30 days I still had significant lethergy.  So if I still had withdrawals, why use suboxone?  In my case, everytime I quit taking pills I still had significant cravings.  The memory of that opiate high was fresh in my brain.  After two years the memory of the opiate high has faded alot.  There's some mileage between my brain now and then.  This is the primary benefit of longterm suboxone therapy IMHO.  Lastly, don't get freaked out at all the internet posts about how hard suboxone is to quit.  Taper to a long dose, accept that the post acute lethargy lasts a bit longer and imagine how great your life will be without the curse of counting pills, waiting in parking lots for people who don't own a watch and having people part of your life only because of your use!

[kikarose]

I went the the doctor today. He has accepted me into the Suboxone program. But after I detox for 2 days. I go back Wednesday morning to get the Suboxone. I talked to a  therapist there that I will see 2x a month. The dr. Gave me clonidin  to help he with anxiety.  Does that help? All I'm trying to do is get though  this til Wednesday morning when I get the Suboxone.  From what the therapist told me they prescribed 8mg strip to divide in half and take 4mg each dose.  I guess I find out more on Wednesday on how long I stay at this amount and so on. I'm positive right now. I now tomorrow will be extremely touGh.

[gnarly_1]

Hi  well it is always sad to see this disease take over someones life after 2 1/2 yrs clean  it is why I go to 4 N/A meetings a week it always gets me threw the ruff times  sub is your choice  just know sooner or later you have to detox off that also and it is harder then the pills will be if it where me I would just do a home detox here on the forum you will be threw the wost of it in a few days  aftercare is critical to do this long term...N/A is the only progam that I have found that with time and work you will loose the very desire to use give it a shot keep posting for support........................Gnarly......................................

[Krissy_123]

Did you decide the route you're going to take with the suboxone? Have you looked into aftercare? Suboxone alone can't help you. You'll have to work the steps with it.

[Krissy_123]

I hope you're doing ok!

[Krissy_123]

Also how long were you on the tramadol? It's also very addictive and causes severe opiate like w/d's. Plus it has a an anti deppressant in it. Are you still on them or did you quit them when you started the oxy? They will cause worse deppression because of the serotonin in them. There really is no easy way out of this. Your dose of oxy really isn't that high and one day when you come off the subs you'll wish you cold Turkeyd the oxy. Read some of the posts on here about peoples sub addictions. I was never on it. I'm not trying to bash it. I'm just saying look at every angle before you jump into this. Sometimes we think taking the easy way out is best,but it isn't.

[Krissy_123]

Are you in withdrawls right now? The depression and anxiety  is normal because the pills stops  us from producing natural endorphins. I think if you're having severe suicidal thoughts you should go to the emergency room or find another doctor ASAP.

[kikarose]

I used last time for about 7 years.

[kikarose]

When I quit last time , I ended up trying to kill myself and was taking to mental health on a 48 hr hold. And when I was there they told me I had a problem which I already knew and they offered me a detox center so I went. I was only there for 3 days. Inside I took 3 doses of Suboxone  and the detox center was like being in jail. So I checked myself out and went did it without anything. I took melatonin but then I started to smoke weed to help me sleep. That was the hardest part I suffered withdrawal for over 3 weeks. But I kept at it because I lost my kids and wanted them back and that's what I had to do.  Last summer I started having health problems that I was having a lot of pain in my ovaries for p.c.o.s. they gave me tramadol  which I noticed quickly that I needed them and then in December  I ran into a friend that sold oxy x and I bought some thinking I'll be okay well I was wrong and slowly but surely I became addicted again. The guilt I feel is pushing me hard to get clean and the depression is so bad. I can't sleep at night because my brain won't stop running over and over everything. I don't want to lose everything I worked so hard to get back. Myself, my kids, my fiancé,  and my job.  I want to try Suboxone this time for a longer time.  My Dr. Was so rude And uncaring. I asked what am I supposed to do now. And nothing. Crying and feeling like I wanted to drive off a bridge.

[Krissy_123]

I was on almost that exact daily dose you're on for 11 years. I quit cold turkey 5 months ago. It's not as scary as it seems. Please don't work yourself up and be scared. It will be ok.

[Krissy_123]

You've been here before,you can do this!! Stock up on everything you'll need for detox (Epsom salts,melatonin,vitiman drinks,funny movies/books,imodium) and get this rodeo started. Don't let you're doctor make you think you can't do this. Were you in aftercare last time? I'm wondering because the first thing we learn is "no we can't just take one and stop" one is to many and a million aren't enough. You can do this at home as long as you have no serious health issues,which I'm guessing you don't if your doc just dismissed you. What were you hoping he would do for you? Keep posting here,we will help you through this.